Think of me first: 4 keys to overcoming emotional dependence

When our happiness is dependent exclusively on one person, suffering is inevitable. Unhealthy and obsessive attachment is the biggest trigger for discomfort, boycotts and loss of self-esteem. Therefore, we must be clear: it is necessary to eliminate emotional dependence, we must take an effective step to be autonomous and emotionally solvent in emotional matters.

Emotional dependence has a lot to do with the way a person undervalues ​​or is devalued. (case, for example, of women victims of gender violence). Likewise, we cannot ignore an almost undeniable fact. Most of us have done it at some point. We confuse love with dependence and we find ourselves involved in bonds that lack reciprocity. Even to the point of leaving our well-being at the mercy of a third party.

Let us learn, therefore, what steps or internal processes we must put into practice to enjoy healthier relationships. In which emotional dependence is not what guides them.

What is emotional dependency?

Before explaining how to overcome emotional dependence, it is important to take into account what this condition consists of. Generally, this occurs in couple relationships and It is characterized by a strong need for the other, fear that the relationship will end, and a presence of significant discomfort. for most of the time.

It is a psychological pattern where the person feels helpless if they are alone; lets others take responsibility in the main areas of their life; and finds it difficult to express her disagreement with others for fear of rejection.

Traits of a person with emotional dependence

In order to identify emotional dependence on ourselves or others, below we present the most notable characteristics of this condition:

Constant fear of losing that person or people that you love or appreciate so much.Tends to override one’s own desires, opinions or feelings in favor of the other. Need to involve the other in all personal activities or ask their opinion regarding any decision.YesHis happiness is centered on a single person: he does not enjoy anything other than being with someone he loves or appreciates. He avoids at all costs being contrary to avoid confrontations. He is only okay with himself when he perceives that he is loved. He easily falls into Emotional blackmail. He prefers to suffer rather than leave the person with whom he has that relationship.Feelings of guilt: If the other party does not feel happy or satisfied, the dependent suffers discomfort and guilt.You want to have control of the other person’s life to be sure that you will not lose it: He becomes a kind of spy to follow even the conversations he has with other people and stops living his life to follow that of the other. A clear tendency towards social isolation appears: that is, he only wants to be with that person. Relationship generates anxiety: the person is never happy because they want more and, above all, they fear that they will leave them, which would be a catastrophe because they cannot imagine life without that person.

All these manifestations hide a low self-esteem, insecurities, distrust, fear of loneliness and an intense need to please or please.

How to overcome emotional dependence?

If you feel identified with what we have said so far, you can put the following tips into practice to leave emotional dependence behind and start establishing healthy relationships.

1. Identify emotional dependence

A first aspect that we must consider is the following: Emotional dependence extends beyond relationships. It is also usually evident with other social connections: with friends, colleagues, family and people around you. In general, it is a situation that can extend to almost any area.

Often, It can take long periods of time before we realize it. We are talking about months and even many years. Why do we realize so late? Because during that journey, we usually have lost our emotional self-sufficiency. We are subordinate to someone to the point of not thinking or acting for ourselves.

Intuiting this psychological reality will, without a doubt, be the first step in proceeding to eliminate emotional dependence. Let’s take into account the following:

2. Make a list of things that harm us and satisfy us

Once the existence of the problem has been recognized and we are convinced of the need to eliminate emotional dependence, we must take a second step. We will do a list of things that we have done for someone and that, in one way or another, have harmed us.

We are not referring to the actions we have done for the other based on love; but in what we have done even knowing that it was not what we wanted, desired or benefited us at that moment. Note that A dependent person does not focus on his or her personal well-being, but on that of the other person so as not to lose them.

What things did the other person have that hurt you? What have you done for the other person who hurt you? Have you left aside friendships, family, activities, studies, personal development, etc.? Have they treated you with the respect you deserve?

In these cases, It is important to be aware of the suffering we have experienced. Everything left or relegated has a cost. All time spent is quality of life lost. Let’s reflect on it.

3. Strengthen self-esteem

As we have seen, the main factor of any emotional dependence is low self-esteem. There are many options to reinforce it. The point is to give it the importance it deserves and recover that essential psychological tendon.

Let’s see some tips below:

Start deciding for yourself.Remember your past achievements, your successes.Don’t compare yourself, don’t look for other people’s approval.Start new projects, meet new people. Experiment, get excited. Take responsibility for your life and your happiness.Know yourself, explore your needs and desires.Heal your wounds.

4. Reconcile with your past self

Linked to the previous step, it is essential that you let go of the past and focus on the changes you are experiencing in the present. However, keep in mind that The only way to let go of the past is to reconcile with it.That is, learning to recognize it as a moment in our life that left us valuable lessons and that helped us become the person we are today.

Likewise, try to be kind to your past self and don’t judge their actions based on the criteria you have today. If something in your personal history seems like a mistake in light of the present, it is precisely because those experiences made you stronger and wiser. Forgive yourself and thank yourself for everything you have experienced.

5. Learn to be alone

Life is more beautiful with love, but it comes healthily when we feel good about ourselves. We cannot have a healthy relationship if we have not first developed as people. Therefore, to eliminate emotional dependence, it is necessary to learn to be alone. Enjoy ourselves. Understand each other, understand each other. Delve into how we are, what we want and what we don’t.

We would all like to have an ideal partner, people to love. But It is one thing to “need” and quite another to “want.” When we need it it doesn’t work. When we have to have someone by our side to feel good, it is very likely that the relationship will not develop in a healthy way.

One must learn to enjoy life without a partner. There are countless things to do, such as discovering and developing our skills, building our future, dedicating time to hobbies, making friends with good people, traveling, enjoying the little things. And above all, take care of and love each other as we deserve.

6. Take time for yourself

People with emotional dependence are continually aware of the other person and forget about themselves and who they are. Therefore, It is vital that you start setting aside time for yourself doing things you really enjoy and striving for your personal goals.

And, if right now you don’t know what you’re passionate about or what goals you want to work on to grow as a person, don’t worry. Start knowing yourself, experience new thingss and identify which activities you resonate with and feel most comfortable with.

Remember that overcoming emotional dependence involves a process of personal transformation, and this can take a little time.

7. Connect with other people

In addition to spending and enjoying time alone, it is also vital to interact with other people. Well, The idea is not that you become a hermit.

To eliminate emotional dependence, you do not need to neglect your social life, but rather maintain a balance and be able to establish solid and healthy relationships without losing individuality.

8. Reframe your beliefs about love

Emotional dependence is strengthened by the erroneous beliefs we have about love and what relationships should be like.. For example, we have been made to believe that true love is giving everything without asking for anything in return; that true happiness is found when we find our better half; or that if our partner is not jealous of us then he does not love us.

Therefore, It is important that we begin to question those harmful beliefs about love and learn to love in a healthy way.. The first step to do this is to practice self-love, only then will we avoid looking for partners who fill the emotional voids that only we can fill.

9. Avoid expectations about other people

The emotional dependents They tend to idealize their partner, attributing positive qualities that they lack or exaggerating them. In the long run, when the other person demonstrates through their actions that they do not meet idyllic expectations, the dependent person begins to become disillusioned and suffer.

Furthermore, the emotional deficiencies of the emotional dependent (fear of abandonment, low self-esteem, insecurities, etc.) They lead him to believe that the other is the one who has to satisfy those shortcomings.when it really is not your responsibility in the relationship.

10. Get out of your comfort zone

The emotional dependent establishes and maintains his relationships from fearfinding in the other person a “refuge” where you can feel safe.

However, andAll this does is reinforce conflicts and discomfort. So dare to take that step that you fear so much, reconcile with yourself, with loneliness… At first it may be hard, but over time everything will be more bearable.

11. Be brave

Getting out of emotional dependence requires courage. Well, as we already saw, it involves facing a series of fears and difficult changes. However, the ideal is for the process to be carried out progressively, one step at a time…