What is the most important ingredient to have a happy life?

Science has offered a wealth of answers to this question, especially over the past five decades. Some say wealth, some say religion and others say family is the most important thing.

But, there is a factor that is repeated with some constancy and that generates great controversy: the influence of our childhood on the adult development that we have had. Thus, in our first years of life we ​​acquire a way of seeing the world that we will not be able to easily banish or replace later. On the other hand, this way of seeing the world will be influenced by an essential factor. Can you imagine which one it is?

That factor is emotional bonding, warmth and attention. In one word, love.

Love, the most important thing to have a happy life

This factor was recently studied in a very specific way by Harvard researchers (Vaillant, 2012). Their goal was to compare the effects of childhood financial wealth with childhood warmth. By following over 200 men (yes, just men) for over 70 years. In this follow-up, they came to some interesting conclusions.

They appreciated that financial wealth in childhood has little to do with adult success, satisfaction and adjustment. Parental warmth and attention throughout childhood is a positive predictor a lot more powerful.

Some will ask, “What is the problem so that in some cases there is a lack of love? Don’t all parents innately love their children? ”

Love, children and happy life

Beyond feeling loved, a child has to feel recognized by their parents. A child has to feel that his parents know and love him just as he is: with his strengths and weaknesses, personality traits, preferences, weaknesses and whims. He must feel that his parents really see and know him.

That is the only kind of love that is truly and genuinely felt. Is he only kind of love which produces a child with healthy self-esteem, a strong sense of identity and resilient self-esteem.

A question you may often ask yourself is: “When you grew up, did you know that your parents loved you? Or do you think your parents loved you?” It is a vital distinction. Because You can know someone loves you without really feeling it..

Happy life is both giving and receiving

For example, if in addition to ensuring you some basic rights – education, clothing, food and shelter – they talked to you, cared about you, asked what you felt or motivated you, your parents really loved you and knew you.

If the latter was like this in your childhood, then you probably have a good foundation for success in your life. You probably know yourself, you have your own preferences, weaknesses, weaknesses and strengths.

If, on the other hand, it didn’t, then it’s possible that you still haven’t received some positive things from your childhood. Often, we look back and do not know how to connect our past very well with our present and with what we expect from the future.

Let’s reflect on whether we are doing it right

Doing this work of introspection well can help usnot only to integrate what holds us back, but also to identify hidden or hidden elements that we had not seen until now.

Why is love so important in the early years of childhood? There are many reasons. Perhaps the first and most important is that it constitutes the birth of trust, both in oneself and in others. We are talking about blind trust, the kind that you can place without having to watch your back.

Another no less important one is that which has to do with learning. Whoever received healthy love learned to give and express healthy love. Furthermore, those who developed this type of attachment were able to see with their own eyes the effects of generosity, dedication and unconditional support.

Who received love, enjoyed their childhood. He could have had more or fewer toys, he could have gone to a more or less exclusive school, but he was certainly happy and on countless occasions he could feel that he had everything, despite not having stopped wanting or wanting the candy that they rarely bought him. .

Finally, what is happiness if it is not love and love, if it is not happiness?

What we can say is that a full childhood does not guarantee our success as adults, just as a childhood with abuse and sadness does not guarantee failure. What is true is that people who received love in their childhood and felt supported and loved start with a very important advantage when entering the adult world.

Having said that, As adults we are responsible for our children, but also for all the children who play or cry today. As a society and as humanity we must be aware that what we sow in them today will probably guide their lives tomorrow.