Do you use others without realizing it?

We criticize those who use other people for their own benefit. Is this selfish? Is good or bad? Don’t we do it? Sometimes yes, but unconsciously.

Manipulating or using someone is frowned upon, since the person who is manipulated is (most of the time) damaged. It’s a Use and throw, now you serve me, now you don’t and I disappear. In a value judgment this is not right, but We must think if we have not ever done something similar.

Here are the examples that, perhaps, are familiar to you.

Within the couple

Many people use their partner, making them believe that they love them when they really don’t. When does this happen?

In a recent divorce

Let’s imagine that we are divorced and our partner has already found another person. Deep down, we may feel confused and even humiliated for not having rebuilt our lives sooner. That’s why, our non-conscious part also wants to find someoneto the first one who gives us attention without truly being in love.

Those who do not know how to be alone

There are people who are dependent on others. They don’t know how to live alone. This is the result of an internal fear of being alone in the world, fear to loneliness. Hence we know many who They don’t know how to live without a partner. When a relationship ends, They quickly find someone else to take their place.. This is Love? No. This is lying to oneself and to others.

At work

When we are in a work environment, we can use the people around us in order to achieve our goals. How do we do this?

Create dependency

In a work group, we cause it to not be able to do anything without you. Somehow, you make yourself the essential of the group. This way, you can control others. With just this, you are already using them. You cause them to be at your mercy, that without you they are nothing.

The responsibility lies with someone else

Us we will never be responsible for a mistake. We will try to find another person, make them guilty of a mistake that, in the case of being in a work group, belongs to everyone.

With our friends

It sounds bad to say that we also use our friends. But that’s how it is, and we do it more than we think. In fact, in the previous sections it is possible that it does not happen or has never happened, but with friends it is different. We will see why.

pretend to listen

We are already understanding each other, right? Who, at some point, has not disconnected from the speech that a friend is giving us. Who has done it more or less. We are tired, it is something repeated or we are not interested.

What is the problem? that we We disconnect when faced with our friend’s speech but we want to be heard. We use our partner as a listener for our words, but when he needs to be heard, we disconnect.

Talk without committing

A very common solution, if we are not sure if we can participate in an event. But, this can also be used to use our friends as it suits us.

For example, using vague words with multiple meanings allows us to any difficulties that may arise We can say “you didn’t understand me”.

The pseudo questions

The pseudoquestions They are those questions that encourage you to do something, they give you a push towards something. For example, the innocent pseudo-questions of “Have you thought about the possibility of…?” or “Don’t you think it would be better…?” Although we do not perceive it, we are inciting our friend, we are giving him “advice” that will mark him, because from this will make a decision.

So… the answer to the question Do we use people without realizing it? is YEAH. We do it, sometimes without malice, sometimes with malice, but we do it.

It is not our fault to do it without being aware of it, since it is our human condition that urges us to use other people to achieve our goals, to benefit in some way.

The consequence? Let the other person suffer, feel used. How many times have we felt like Kleenex? Surely several.