My partner lies to me, what can I do?

There is an undeniable fact and that is that most of us lie. We resort to deception in a trivial and innocent way, while others do it with a somewhat more malicious aspect. Howeversuddenly discovering that my partner is lying to me and that their falsehoods are challenging the pillar of trust hurts and even paralyzes us. Because that is something that no one is prepared for.

Nobody expects it. When we start an emotional relationship we tend to pour endless hopes, commitments and emotions into the other.. We expect everything from the loved one and we rarely leave room for doubt, for the idea that, perhaps, that person is not what we expect. We convince ourselves that he is the love of our life and we walk on safe ground assuming that everything is going to be fine.

Until, sometimes, it happens. The first contradiction arises, the out-of-character behavior, the little lie that we discover almost by chance and that we perhaps let pass. We don’t want to give it importance, but after a short time it happens again. That’s when We realize with pain and without anesthesia that we live with a person who lies.

What can we do in these situations? Is that reason enough to immediately break off that relationship? We analyze it.

My partner lies to me: causes and action strategies

DePaul University, in Chicago, United States, carried out an interesting investigation in 2001. In this work it is explained to us that almost 92% of people have lied to their partner at some point. However, most of the time, lying acts as a protector of the relationship itself.

That is to say, Sometimes we end up omitting or distorting some information to give the other greater security and commitment. with the link. For example, we usually resort to white lies when we tell our partner that we have never loved anyone the same (even though in our memory there is the memory of other past loves that were just as intense). These are comments that, far from attacking the couple’s trust, seek to maintain it and even reinforce it.

Now, on the other side there are undoubtedly the falsehoods that are hidden and that distort the very foundations of an emotional bond. Thus, when my partner lies to me, the first thing we feel is contradiction and deep misunderstanding. How and why could it happen? What should I do now? Let’s dig deeper.

Reason and extent of the lie

What led you to commit that lie? What is its scope? We know that not all lies are the same and that there are some whose impact can be devastating. The most harmful lie is clearly emotional betrayal. However, in other cases, deception may be used due to underlying problems that our partner has not wanted or does not dare to reveal to us.

Addictions, such as gambling problems or pornography addiction, could be an example. Lying about financial debts or certain things about your family would be another case. In these circumstances, our first step is to assess why this lie has been resorted to and its scope. Afterwards, we must assess if we can tolerate and handle that situation, if it deserves a chance.

Recurrence of deception: Has it been an isolated or continuous lie?

When my partner lies to me we suddenly discover that there are barriers between us that we didn’t know existed. Now, it may be the case that we forgive him, that we understand that behavior and that we give him a second chance. However, it is very possible in some cases to be repeated not once but several times.

Pathological liars exist, they abound and we can have them on the other side of the pillow. You cannot have a healthy and happy relationship with someone who is dishonest.with someone who, far from respecting us, violates our trust again and again.

You must know what type of person you are with and communication is key

Your partner has lied to you, it is evidence. This falsehood may not be an excessively serious event; it may also be something isolated and, for the moment, has not been repeated. Now, there is a fact that we must clarify.

What kind of person are we with? Does it fit our values? Is he someone in whom we can place our trust? Communication is not only decisive for solving problems, it is also a strategy for detecting contradictions, for agreeing on common goals that must be met. If the other person ends up not committing and the small or large falsehoods resurface, we will make more drastic decisions.

My partner lies to me: self-esteem is your barometer

When my partner lies to me I am forced to make a decision. Nobody wants a liar as a life partner, it’s true. Thus, and in case this falsehood has not been something excessively harmful and they have asked us for forgiveness, we must consider one aspect.

Sometimes, small lies can be as painful as a big falsehood. The fact that you feel this way is understandable and respectable.

After all, the barometer for making one decision or another must be our self-esteem. Does this dishonest behavior hurt and violate me or can I handle it? That decision is personal. Because rebuilding the relationship and repairing trust requires great energy and emotional disposition.

If we are not prepared for it, if there are doubts, fears and uncertainties, it is better not to take that step. The person who resorts to lying does not understand the language of commitments, he does not value the beauty of that trust built between two. Let’s keep it in mind, but let’s not forget if we do it too.

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