Covert Narcissism: What You Need to Know

It is never easy to identify a narcissist: they are charismatic, charming and know how to play their role perfectly. Despite this, we are increasingly aware of their behaviors and we can recognize them in time when we interact with them. But, What happens if everything we thought we knew about it is not true and yet emotional abuse is present and consumes us day by day? Find out what covert narcissism is and how it can affect you.

Perhaps on some occasion you have felt used, humiliated or manipulated by a close person and you have wondered if they had narcissistic traits. However, that person did not fit the prototype: she was not sociable and outgoing, She was neither dominant nor aggressive and even had a touch of shyness and humility. that made you doubt.

You should know that there is no single type of narcissist and that, in all its facets, relating to them can be devastating.

What is covert narcissism?

Generally, we think of a narcissist as someone with an inflated ego, with an air of superiority, who always seeks and demands to be the center of attention and who despises those around him. However, the prominent American psychiatrist James Masterson identified a quite different type of manifestation of this disorderis the so-called covert narcissism.

In this case the person may appear reserved, shy or anxious, concerned about others – ready and willing to help –but deep down he presents the same egocentrism and lack of empathy that we find in the prototypical narcissist.

To better understand how this subtype of the disorder works, we present its main characteristics:

Attitude of victim and martyr

These people do not openly present themselves as great, successful and special. On the contrary, They maintain a victim attitude stating that life and society are unfair to them, and who do not recognize its value. Likewise, they continue to consider themselves superior, but they harbor resentment and resentment toward others for not appreciating and valuing them as they should.

In all your relationships and in the different areas of your life, They will present themselves as sacrificed and misunderstood. His partner, his children, his bosses… will always be the bad ones, those who do not appreciate and appreciate his presence and contributions.

false humility

As a result of the previous behaviors, one may think that they are humble people, since unlike the prototypical narcissist, they do not boast or magnify their achievements and successes. However, This false humility is nothing more than a strategy to receive attention and recognition of others. Although they devalue themselves, they secretly hope and believe they deserve recognition from everyone.

Lack of empathy and disinterest in others

If you associate with a person who displays covert narcissism, You will easily see their little interest in you, your emotions, problems or desires.. In conversations they may appear bored, indifferent and disdainful and will try, as soon as possible, to turn the topic towards themselves.

They are not capable of acting with compassion or empathizing with others, they only care about what concerns themselves.

Feeling of moral superiority

It is common for these individuals to show great moral superiority that ultimately comes to despising those in front of them. They may feel more emotionally complex, more intellectually gifted, or more morally upright.and they will let the other know.

The objective will always be to minimize the counterpart and they may even humiliate them in public or private to highlight their superiority in various aspects.

It is common for them to dedicate themselves to philanthropy or helping others, whether on a professional or personal level, but they have no genuine interest in improving anyone’s life. They only seek to project a positive image and be praised for their work.

Extreme suspicion and mistrust

Of all the subtypes of narcissist, this one is the most distrustful and suspicious, the one who can most easily feel offended and rejected and react intensely to it.

They take everything personally and any critical comment will be perceived as a huge attack on them.

How can covert narcissism affect relationships?

In short, in covert narcissism the actions are more subtle, veiled and ambiguous. Demands, contempt and the desire for power and control will not be shown openly, directly and aggressively; On the contrary, the person will appear intelligent, educated, calm, good and charming. They will seem like the ideal employee, the perfect partner and the model father, but their actions and attitudes will end up destroying the self-esteem of those who associate with them.

If you maintain a close emotional bond with these people, they will make you feel admired and appreciated, the chosen one, however at the same time they will make you smaller every day with seemingly harmless comments and gestures.

You can try to fill the emptiness and lack of this seemingly suffering and misunderstood person, but it will be in vain; You can love them, care for them and please them, but it will never be enough. You will end up worn out, nullified and alone, because you will receive neither understanding nor support from them..

The greatest danger of this type of relationship is the difficulty in recognizing how harmful they are. At first glance there seems to be nothing to complain about; on the contrary, you can blame yourself for not being up to par of what that great, tormented and misunderstood person looks for in you.

However, a more thorough analysis will reveal his deep selfishness, his manipulations, and the devastating effect his company is having on you. Thus, if you think you are involved with a person like the one described above, do not hesitate to consult a professional.

You might be interested…