Confessions of a mother: “I stopped taking my son to thousands of extracurricular activities and left him free to decide what he wants”

The “ideal child” would be, in the opinion of some parents, the one who is constantly busy, brings home only excellent grades, receives “little stars” in all activities and thinks exclusively about going to college and his future profession. But has it ever crossed these parents’ minds that kids just want… to be kids? And what might that mean lying on the couch watching television or playing video games?

For some of us, awesome.club, the main problem in the idealization of children is not the laziness of the children, but the concern of the parents. We asked a mother what would happen if she just stopped repeating the motto “faster, higher, stronger” to her child.

My son is in sixth grade. But when he was in elementary school, we parents were required to fill in all the extracurricular activities. If my child has less than four areas of activities, the teacher already tells us he judged with a critical eye and said that the child should have every minute occupied. They say that the energy of the little ones should be spent on something productive, so that there is no time for mischief.

Frankly speaking, I always felt sorry for the children dressed in those uncomfortable uniforms, in which you cannot run or jump. But today’s children are also forced to move from one room to another. There are classes in the first half of the day and, after them, a marathon of extracurricular activities, such as chess, painting, music, etc. And more: depending on the day, an exhausting sports training, so they don’t get bored.

The next day, all over again. Probably not even an adult could handle such an exhaustive and systematic load of activities. Imagine you taking extra classes every day after work. And everywhere demanding you turn in assignments. In the case of children, in addition to doing homework, they still need to study for tests and final exams.

In my childhood, the main extracurricular activity was the street, where it was possible to develop both agility and reaction speed as well as communication skills. I even learned to swim alone in a river. And I rode my bike for the first time with the help of my neighbors.

There was a period in my life when I myself coordinated a student club and practiced journalism with the children — we produced a kind of wall newspaper. At my school there was a boy who he was a real “star” in school competitions, he participated in everything, he was president of the student council, he swam and did karate.

This boy really felt good when he was full of things to do. But I confess that I couldn’t (and still can’t) imagine when he found time to sleep.

But there are also other types of children. Like my own son. He doesn’t like group sports, is shy to dance in front of everyone and is not a big fan of martial arts. He did swimming for a year, but now he says he already knows how to swim and sees no point in continuing with classes.

Instead, my son enjoys skiing and talks excitedly about the summer trails, where the instructor takes kids for hours through the woods, sets up rope obstacles, and teaches them how to set up tents. He also attends acting classes twice a week and is literally enthralled by the opportunity to perform on stage.

But, from time to time, my ex-husband calls and demands that I enroll our son in hockey classes. So I take a deep breath and patiently say, “Sure, but first buy the complete uniform and bring it to practice yourself.” This usually ends the dialog. I know very well that all my ex-spouse’s paternal enthusiasm ends when he discovers that it is also necessary to invest somehow in the development of our son. Not to mention that my son would never run around on skates after a disc. That’s not like him.

The same goes for dancing. For a long time I could not understand why he refused to sign up for these classes. Then I realized that this is exactly what I wanted, but for myself. I am the one who, since I was a child, has been able to stretch perfectly well. And even in my current state, without any training, after a little warm-up, I can easily lift my leg almost to my head. But for my son, doing splits is something out of reality.

About three years ago, I also wanted to take him to music lessons, but my son was categorically against it, so much so that I immediately abandoned the idea. Yes, that was my dream too. Just not realized. As a child, I dreamed of learning to play the piano, but my parents said that I was not talented enough. Then I realized that they just didn’t want to take me to music class since art school was far from home.

Now, I found out that I want to play the guitar. And that’s what I’m going to do. As for my son, I’ll let him decide for himself what he wants.

Today, I finally realized that a child does not need “100,500 extracurricular activities”. Three or four extra lessons per week they are more than enough for my son. And if he wants to stay on his cell phone, no problem. He has every right to free time.

I have another example right next to me. One of my son’s friends is busy with various activities: classes in the morning, tutoring after lunch and, depending on the day of the week, an art course or soccer in the afternoon. Now the kid has started to grow up and is already complaining about the lack of free time to spend with friends.

Many parents complain of not being able to take their gadgets of your kids. But we have to accept the fact that we are living in a different era and all forms of communication have migrated to the Internet. By the way, children often watch educational videos on the web and some even create content or programs. I think that’s really good.

I also believe that children who live according to a schedule pre-established by caring parents, in adulthood will have difficulties in acquiring knowledge and managing their own time alone. After all, for them, programming has always been done by third parties.

At university and independent living, your son or daughter will be plucked out of this maelstrom of activities and courses and tossed onto the beach sand like a fish trying to breathe out of water. And no one can guarantee that this will end well. When you are a teenager, you may not deal well with excessive freedom or, out of fear, simply isolate yourself.

I continue to teach my son to get rid of adults who periodically tell him: “You are not interested in anything, you almost never go anywhere and you are not even participative in class”. And I still have to always remind the teachers that my son already defends the school’s name in regional Olympics and periodically performs at the theater club on commemorative dates.

Often, in such situations, some parents (whose children do not participate) are ashamed and mistakenly think: “Are people really going to say my son is disabled?” Advice to those who believe in this: change your way of thinking.

I think that for my son, now, an extracurricular activity and trails through the forest are enough. After all, my task as a mother is not to raise an unbridled neurotic, but to adapt him as much as possible to the society in which he will have to live.

How many activities or classes, in addition to school, do you believe a child should do?