Be reciprocity, before complaining about the lack of it

I lost count of how many times I heard that there was a lack of reciprocity in the world. The first time was with a girl I was very into. So I thought it would be easy to win her over, as she needed attention at the time and understood, in theory, the word reciprocity. I made almost everything: dinners, handmade cards, flowers and good morning messages, every day, punctually at 8 am. It didn’t work out.

That’s when I realized that our reciprocity is selective. It’s something we want to get from someone we already like. We want them to smile at our smiles. Even if we don’t care so much about someone, we don’t want that person to care so much about us. You can see: having the attention of someone we’re not interested in often gets in the way.

I don’t know if hypocrisy is the right word, but often the same person who complains about lack of attention and affection is the same person who receives it from someone and doesn’t value it. And how we complain. First of all, I would like to make it clear that no one is obliged to respond to the feelings of others. That’s exactly why expecting something from the other doesn’t make much sense.

That’s why I believe it’s better to complain less and worry more about the kind of feedback we give to those who already have a feeling for us. I’m not saying you need to love someone just because they say they love you or because they show you like it. Affinity, admiration and physical attraction are also very important points.

What I mean is that sometimes we close doors on people who deserved something more than a peek through the little hole in the doorknob. Sometimes you want so much from people who haven’t done much to deserve so much attention, and you let go of those who seek your attention all the time. Ironically, I could say exactly the same for these people.

I really like the word reciprocity when it is put to good use in practice. When we make an effort to be around those who love us, whether it’s family, friends or strangers who, for no reason, seem to really enjoy our company. I am not adept at insisting on entering houses with the door closed or wanting to impose my presence in places where I am not invited.

Those who like it call, call, look for it… And we shouldn’t be so lighthearted about these signs of attention, especially in times of so many speeches of egocentrism and detachment. You can be sure, someone out there is crazy to give you what you’re looking for, just accept that meeting, answer that message or continue that subject.

We waste a lot of time trying to please those who don’t want to be pleased. I prefer a thousand times to be with someone who insists on my company than with someone who doesn’t value my presence and attention as they should. Be rain for those who want to get wet, not for those who always have an open umbrella.

Don’t be afraid to be reciprocity with the feelings of others, no one died for trying.

Francisco Galarreta

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