6 keys to cultivate friendship

In times of great instabilityAt times, we can feel like a trapeze artist forced to do stunts in the air, as the ground has been taken from under our feet. If, by some miscalculation, we end up falling, having cultivated good friendships will be our protection network.

Every moment of crisis puts our network of friends to the testsince we will need emotional support –sometimes, even economic support– to overcome difficulties and move forward.

In my case, I can compare two different times in which I faced adversity, with and without that protective circle.

During my teenage years, I was a shy and withdrawn boy with little ability to bond with others. When things didn’t work out for me or I was going through a down time, negative emotions amplified inside me. Like an echo inside an empty auditorium. I had no people to confide in, and that role was played by books and the chatter of my own thoughts. From the age of 19, traveling on my own taught me to socialize with all kinds of people. On the trains I met other travelers who gave me conversation and recommended places to be, they even wrote down friends’ houses where I would be welcomed. In turn, I invited these itinerant companions to visit me, I showed them the city.

Without noticing, had created a protection network in different parts of the world. Not only did I have a place to sleep or have a hot meal, but I was also able to share with these people – even if it was by letter – my worries and plans. This gave me an important feeling of belonging.

I realized that wherever I went, if I created good bonds, I would always be at home.

Do you have the friends you really need?

However, It is not enough to have a network of friends to feel safe in the midst of the storm. The most important thing is that this network is made up of people who have the human values ​​that you need.

The American Entrepreneur and Motivator Jim Rohn He became famous with a conference where he stated: “You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.”

What did he mean by that? Basically that, Due to emotional contagion, we end up looking like the people we hang out with. If we look closely, creative people tend to surround themselves with profiles with the same quality, in the same way that successful entrepreneurs avoid contact with complaining or negative spirits.

The old Spanish proverb “Tell me who your friends are and I’ll tell you who you are” is especially true here. Our circle ends up defining us.

The value of friendship, can it be calculated?

In the book Happinesswhich I wrote together with Álex Rovira, we proposed a exercise through five questions to assess each of these people our immediate surroundings:

It has been done in your life? Are you happy and optimistic?Is he happy about your successes and wish things go well for you??encourages you when you explain new ideas to him or does he do the opposite? Does he make an effort to achieve your own dreams? (If he doesn’t, he may not like it when you get to meet yours.)

This analysis It will allow us to score from 1 to 10 the degree of positivity of each person. Afterwards, it will only remain average between five and we’ll get an X-ray of our own worth.

If we get a low average, Jim Rohn recommended have no qualms about staying only with a couple of people of the list, the ones that contribute the most to our life, and replace the rest with others that “raise our grade”.

To do this, it is not a question of laying off anyone, but of beginning to reduce the time we spend with the bottom of the tablethus giving an opportunity for more nutritious people to gain relevance in our day to day.

It is a radical exercise to improve our safety net, since It requires the courage to walk away from people who do not add value to our lives, but, by elevating us humanly, it also allows us to be more useful to those around us.

The importance of networking

Also in the professional environment it is important to have a network made up of admirable people who help us to be better, to move forward and achieve new goals together. In the business world, the process of caring for this fabric of relationships that is growing is called networking.

Jordi Collell He explains the process like this in his book Your personal start-up: “The attitude of networking leans first to go to meet others to offer them our helpexplaining to them what our value proposition is, and then establishing some type of personal bond that allows us to be remembered: We give out business cards, we make contact on social networks or we meet up for a coffee and continue commenting. Finally, we work to keep the relationship alive for as long as possible, sending signals and reminders of our existence.”

This network of contacts is the greatest asset that a professional has. Especially in times of crisis, these people will be the rails that will lead our train to new destinations when necessary.

However, To build and maintain a good network of contacts, you have to be generous and add value to others. In the middle of the last century, Dale Carnegie already affirmed that “the person who is not interested in his fellow men is the one who has the greatest difficulties in life and causes the greatest wounds in others. From these individuals all human failures arise.”

It is not enough to create a relationship: the difficult thing is to maintain it

Whether it’s professional contacts or our inner circle of friends, once a bond is established, the challenge is to keep it strongsince otherwise it will weaken until it breaks.

whatHow many friendships and alliances have been lost due to a misunderstanding Or because of an inconsequential discussion that has not been resolved? There are very beautiful relationships that are broken because someone did not act as the other expected, because a conflict arose and they did not have the courage to speak about itor because the negative episodes have more weight than the positive ones.

On this, an Arab tale narrates that two friends were traveling through the desert When, at a certain point along the way, they started to fight. The discussion escalated until one of them slapped the other.

The latter did not utter a word, but immediately afterwards He wrote in the sand: “Today my best friend slapped me painfully.”

They both continued on their way until they reached an oasis where they decided to bathe. The one who had been slapped, who could barely swim, he sank and began to drown, whereupon his friend jumped into the water to assist him.

Once safe and sound on the shore, the rescued took a fine stiletto and engraved on a stone: “Today my best friend has saved my life.”

“I need you to explain something to me,” his friend told him then. Why when I slapped you did you write it in the sand and now you have written this on a stone?

With a smile on his lips, the other replied: -When a good friend offends us, we must write what happened in the sand so that the wind of oblivion and forgiveness take care of erasing it. Instead, when something great happens to us, we must record it in the memory of the heart so that nothing and no one can ever erase it.

How to make friends… and keep them

Like any other human ability, strengthening ties and keeping them strong can be trained.

Let’s see some recommendations:

1. Evaluate yourself

They say that the best way to have friends is to be friends, so before evaluating your circle of protection, examine what kind of friend you are.

whatPay attention What do they tell you or are you always focused on yours? whatare you willing to help or do you need to always have a counterpart? Do you easily forgive the mistakes of others or you are spiteful?

Show at all times the virtues you seek. As Gandhi said: “Be the change you want to see in the world.”

2. Ask… and listen to the answer

One of the most appreciated qualities in a human being is the active listening.

When someone tells you about a problem or a project, pay attention and ask questions to deepen the subject, fully listening to what he explains to you.

Many times they ask us: How are you? But, when we start to respond, we notice that the other is already thinking about something else. This is highly demotivating and it does not help to reap friendships.

3. Be lenient

If you want to split hairs, in the end you will be left alone, since we are all imperfect and need the tolerance of others.

It is necessary to avoid, especially, the reasoning that begins with “I in his place would have…”, since nobody is in the place of anyone because each one is a unique human being, with different experiences and priorities. avoid judging and set aside expectations that only lead to disappointment.

Showing yourself to others as you want them to show you, listening to them or rejoicing in their successes, are key to weaving that protective circle of people who will be our best emotional support.

4. Choose your conversation topics

Everyone has the right to vent from time to time; but when our message is always one of regret and negativity, we end up being an uninspiring company.

If you want to be appreciated, try to tell funny or interesting things. That will make others look for you again.

5. Celebrate your successes

One of the greatest displays of generosity is to be sincerely glad that things are going well for the other. Oscar Wilde said, in this regard, that sympathizing with the successes of a friend requires a most delicate soul.

To create a quality protection network, that is a highly valuable virtue, since It will attract optimistic and proactive people into your life.

6. Practice the win-win

This concept, coined by Stephen Covey in The 7 habits of highly effective peopleis a good philosophy to achieve strong and lasting bonds. When we share the best of our life with others, our well-being multipliesadds happiness and generates abundance.