It all started with a simple joke. She entered your life in a strange way and remained there, no one knows how.

The memories you shared amount to hundreds and those secrets of your own, which you thought you couldn’t tell anyone else and that would always be with you, were debited, in moments of weak sobriety, in the form of a narrative, with her comments and opinions, without ever judging you.

And it was so good, so good to let go of that weight you carried on your shoulders and knowing that you would never have to bear it alone brought you relief.

You’re human, you’ve made a lot of mistakes in the past, but none of that matters to her. There are days when your smile for her becomes different. She, from knowing you so much, asks what’s going on, slaps you and tells you to cheer up, with the usual twinkle in her eyes as she runs her hand through her hair, hair that she cut herself, and that you noticed, but didn’t had the courage to tell him that it suited him so well.

You distanced yourself from her. He was indifferent. He no longer laughed with her when she asked for the lunch menu first thing in the morning or when she felt like having cereal for lunch. She is like that, always has been, but now she is even more so.

Everything about her enchants you, from the clothes you choose that fit you so well, the way she sits with her legs crossed, the scent of the perfume that stays in your nose for days and that you recognize from a distance and her easy laugh, so superb and captivating, worthy of being one of the wonders of the world.

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You start to think about what is happening, you start to notice that nothing is as it was before, but that it’s not her fault, it’s yours, all yours. You knew from the beginning who she was, that you couldn’t open this pandora’s box that is now slow to close, that you couldn’t enter a path like this, that so many times in history has been trodden by other men and that few have managed to get out of it unscathed. and happy.

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You want to run away, but you can’t. You count every second to be with her again, but at the same time, you hate every bit of time you have her around for not being able to do what your heart lusts after, which is to grab that woman and kiss her like you do so much. want.

That girl who shared tears, pain, ecstasy and euphoria with you is now a woman. You know her story, you know who hurt her and who wanted to hurt her, you think you are better than all of them, but you are not, because you think that worse than hurting her is not fighting for her with all your strength. You feel weak and deluded by a feeling that you try to forget, but that is there and grows, it shouldn’t, but it grows.

You spend sleepless nights imagining in vain what it would be like to have a conversation with her where you would tell her the whole truth, but even though it’s in your head, it always ends badly. You want to tell someone, but there’s no one around, and let’s be honest, you’ve never been a good adviser to yourself, just look at your past and the choices you’ve made in terms of women.

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You look at your cell phone in bed and the urge to call her is almost uncontrollable. You see your coat on the doorknob and you want to go out to meet her, making a movie scene, kissing her as soon as she opens the door, but you’ve never been a true romantic and she certainly wouldn’t even be home…

You even think about texting her, but it’s not that you’re so bad with words, but your hand shakes just thinking that she’s going to read your sentences and each one you write sounds worse than the last.

You stop doing what you used to do and going where you were going because she is there. He moves further and further away and makes excuses not to be around her. He lowers his head when she smiles and misses the glow she exudes and all the charisma she spreads without even knowing him.

He closes himself in a dark world that is yours alone, he wishes he had never known her and he lets himself be invaded by melancholy and despair.

Today you are going to try to sleep, or at least close your eyes and try not to cry. And you will think that it all started with a simple joke, but ended up becoming something so real…