11 signs of low self-esteem

Having good self-esteem is essential for emotional well-being and for having quality relationships with others. If your self-esteem is low, you will not only have difficulties relating to others, but your risk of suffering from depression will increase.

Detecting the signs of low self-esteem can help you improve the way you relate to yourself (inner dialogue) and with others. Identifying these signs can also help you find a way out of states of sadness, disappointment, or even take charge if you feel in a low mood.

11 signs of low self-esteem

Low self-esteem can be expressed in different ways and can be different from one person to another.. There are those who have low self-esteem in various areas of their lives, while others may have it in a specific dimension, such as their work performance or body image.

Signs of low self-esteem can be more or less trying depending on the individual and circumstances. For example, when faced with a failure or a negative experience, this tends to be low for a time, however, it returns to normal as the individual overcomes what happened.

Below we present 11 signs of low self-esteem. It is important to clarify that not all people with self-esteem problems show the same signs and that some may express more than others.

1. You question what others say or do for you

An indicator of low self-esteem that is often behind those negative thoughts about yourself is questioning other people’s feelings, words and actions towards you. What others do, say or feel about you causes uncertainty.

One of the signs of low self-esteem is that you question the positive qualities that others highlight about you.

There is no doubt that we all like to feel loved and understood. However, as articles propose, People with low self-esteem tend to overvalue what others say or do and to systematically question it. They think there is something suspicious behind good words or expressions of appreciation.

This is logical. Behind this there is a very coherent unconscious thought: How can someone else love me more than I love myself? How is anyone going to respect me more than I respect myself? How can someone be nicer to me than I am to me?

2. You are always on the defensive

As they state in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychologybeing focused on self-protection or always being on the defensive is another sign of low self-esteem. Insecurity and lack of confidence in yourself keep you in an unjustified state of alert. . This not only increases your stress levels, but it also prevents you from being objective about what is happening in your environment.

Being defensive does not allow you to clearly understand what people are telling you or asking of you, and it makes you feel uncertain about what others think. It also generates a state of fear and sadness that prevents you from enjoying what surrounds you. When you are defensive, it is easy for your attitude towards others to become rude, unpleasant or tense, if not violent.

Besides, By always being on the defensive, you act by predicting the worst, so your reaction can be disproportionate and even out of place. This usually causes conflicts that, in the worst case, end up making your worst fears come true and reaffirming your point of view.

3. You try to avoid conflict by pretending that everything is fine

However, It may also happen that you want to avoid a conflict and, to do so, you pretend that everything is fine. That is, instead of defending something fair or something that suits or interests you, sometimes you prefer to give up in order to avoid problems.

One reason you run away from conflict is because of the anguish it generates. The results of a study published in Psychiatry Research suggest that People with low self-esteem feel a lot of anxiety about interpersonal problems.

The fear that others will get angry or that they will look down on you for defending your opinion or demanding what is yours leads you to accept what they tell you or agree to keep them happy. And in that process the feeling increases that your opinion does not matter or that what you want is of no interest to anyone.

4. You compare yourself to everyone, even if there is nothing to compare

The habit of comparing oneself with everyone is another sign of low self-esteem, as stated in publications in the European Journal of Psychology. In reality, social comparison is not negative. The problem is that People with low self-esteem exceed the comparison, especially in those aspects in which they come out badly.

What’s more, a person with low self-esteem compares himself even if he has nothing to compare and revels in the result. As a consequence, not only does self-esteem decline, but feelings such as envy, the feeling of feeling abandoned or even of being a victim of injustice arise. All of this only serves to undermine self-love more and more.

Another sign of low self-esteem is that you compare yourself to others in such a way that you always lose.

5. You consider your achievements a matter of good luck

It is true that many of the things we achieve can be due to a stroke of good luck, at least in part. However, it’s not all a matter of luck. Knowing how to take advantage of opportunities is essential to materialize that stroke of luck into an achievement.

However, If your self-esteem is low, you will not be able to recognize your own value in what you have achieved. For this reason, you do not value your abilities or your efforts. What’s more, you do not consider others capable of valuing them nor do you understand the compliments they give you to congratulate or praise you. In a way, this attitude of giving responsibility for your achievements to luck makes you feel incapable and unmotivated, adrift.

6. You feel alone

Another sign of low self-esteem is that you avoid social contact.. This is because you lack confidence during interactions and feel inadequate. Low levels of self-esteem are related to feelings of loneliness, mainly in adolescence, as indicated in an article published in the Journal of abnormal child psychology.

When your self-esteem is not high, you think that you do not have something to offer others.Therefore, you avoid social gatherings. Believing that you have nothing valuable to contribute makes you fear rejection, because you believe that no one wants to be with someone who does not offer good things.

7. Negative self-talk

Low self-esteem also manifests itself through negative self-talk.. When you talk to yourself in a pejorative way, insult, offend or demotivate yourself, your self-esteem begins to drop, and as it does, your dialogue becomes more negative.

So that, There is a close relationship between negative dialogue and low self-esteem. Both form a self-destructive feedback loop. The more one persists, the more the other persists. Negative self-talk is the language of your self-esteem, listen to it and you will know how low you have it.

8. Excessive self-criticism

Another sign of low self-esteem is excessive self-criticism. You are very hard on yourself, with your flaws and virtues. You tend to have a negative view of yourself and negatively criticize the things you do, whether good or bad. In fact, different publications have analyzed the way in which self-criticism occurs and how it is related to personal growth and destruction.

This way of relating to yourself makes you feel incompetent, defective, incapable.. Because you feel worthy of all your self-criticism, your appreciation for yourself diminishes over time. Usually, your criticism ends up reaffirming more and more, this makes your negative thinking pattern stronger.

9. You avoid challenges for fear of failure

The avoidance of challenges is due to the fact that you perceive that you are not good, that you are not capable or skilled at achieving them. You can have everything at your disposal to achieve it, but you feel incompetent, you feel like you can’t handle the challenge.

One of the signs of low self-esteem is the fear of failing. When you avoid challenges, you also run away from the possibility of success, and in doing so, you give up the confidence you have in yourself. This causes your self-esteem to drop further, because you fail to see how capable you are.

10. You have a negative view of the future

Another sign of low self-esteem is that you do not perceive an encouraging future for yourself., since your negative ideas interfere with the process. The feeling of incompetence, the devaluation of yourself and the lack of confidence take away your hope for a better tomorrow.

Since you can only anticipate negative consequences for your life, the future becomes an undesirable possibility that eventually materializes. This is because your thoughts cause you to behave in a way that confirms what you believe.

11. You are a people pleaser

Not all people with low self-esteem are complacent, but they can become complacent in interaction with other factors such as personality. In this context, complacency appears as a consequence of the negative self-assessment that the person has of themselves.

Since you don’t value yourself enough, you need the appreciation of others, since you can’t get it from yourself. By requiring external validation and acceptance, you end up pleasing others to keep them in your life. Accommodating behaviors can also arise from fear of conflict with other people. To avoid problems, it is better to give in to what the other person wants.

Conclusion

In this article we have reviewed several signs of low self-esteem, including negative self-talk, defensive attitudes, fear of conflict and failure. Although these indicators are easy to recognize, they should not be used lightly.

Self-esteem is a complex construct in which other variables intervene.. The best way to analyze it and identify the problems associated with it is to observe it in the context of the person’s life, understanding it from the history of each subject.

We invite you to reflect on your life and the value you attribute to yourself. Do you feel familiar with any of these signs? If you think you have self-esteem problems, we recommend visiting a mental health professional.

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