You are a “bad mother” because you are a real mother

Many mothers are under brutal pressure: they have many facets, responsibilities, and in all of them they have to perform at their best.. Among these responsibilities is the one that defines them as mothers: that of raising their children. On the other hand, in their role as mothers they often have to be the bad ones, either because they are the ones who set rules or the ones who deny their children several of their whims. In this sense, the mother who does it is not bad, but a real mother because she takes responsibility for it.

We know that positive reinforcement works better than punishment, that some praise can damage children’s self-esteem and that a traumatic event can open a wound that is difficult to heal. So, being a mother is not easy and despite the amount of information we have, in some aspects contradictory, errors are possible. What’s more, it’s not that they are possible, but that they are going to happen one after another, like in any other project.

The “Mom shaming” phenomenon that criticizes the real mother

Due to everything mentioned above, A phenomenon called “Mom shaming” has emerged that tries to remind us that a real mother, who makes mistakes, does not have to be a bad mother. This phenomenon has been especially enhanced through social networks, where criticizing is very cheap and no one asks you for any training to do so.

For example, We can remember the case of Chontel Duncan, a personal trainer who sparked a huge controversy on her Instagram account by uploading photos of her exercising while she was pregnant.. Many people considered that having a toned belly and six-pack abs could endanger the baby’s life.

The same way, The singer Soraya received a barrage of criticism for having gone out to dinner with her partner seven days after giving birth and leaving another person in charge of the baby. After posting the photo of that dinner that became so famous, the criticism on social networks did not wait: “as a mother, it certainly did not occur to me to go anywhere without my baby” or “if “You want to continue doing what you want with your life, don’t have children.”

This type of criticism is a reflection of the need that some mothers have to be perfect or to impose their idea of ​​perfection on others, condemning those practices that from their point of view are criticizable. In addition, these criticisms also allow us to reflect on the mother model that society is promoting. We all harbor certain beliefs about what being a mother means or should mean. But doesn’t conforming to the majority or a group make you a bad mother?

This whole situation contributes to shaming, humiliating and making a woman feel insecure in her role as a mother. She thinks that the majority want her child to be well and want to do things as best as possible and in this intention it is normal for a lot of doubts to appear.

In this context, the criticism we are referring to is like “a bucket of cold water” that urges it to comply with very rigid rules. Because There is no such thing as a perfect mother, only a real mother as long as she chooses to be one and strives to be one.

Why am I a bad mother?

The previous situations are only an example of how there are certain acts that label a mother as bad. However, there are certain beliefs that are still widespread because they are false, and precisely because they are widespread, they are sources of confusion and censure against mothers who do not follow or support them. Let’s look at some of them:

Having your child by cesarean section and not by natural birth makes you less of a mother. Not breastfeeding your child indicates that you have no maternal instinct. No real mother suffers from postpartum depression. Why do you have a child if you have to leave him? with someone because you have to work? Are you a bad mother for leaving your child in front of the television or a tablet so you can rest or do other tasks. If you were a good mother you would never lose patience with your children.

After all these statements with which we can feel more or less identified, What can be deduced from all of them is that a real mother is inherently a bad mother.. Because a real mother cannot be perfect or ideal. Because a real mother makes mistakes, she makes mistakes and sometimes loses her patience.

Mothers are not beings that come from another planet, although in many cases it seems that way. They are normal, ordinary people, who lead normal, ordinary lives. They have to work to live, they need time to rest just like the rest of the people. The high expectations that society has with respect to mothers cause pressure on them that is sometimes difficult to cope with..

If you have felt identified, if you have ever had to listen to criticism for being a real mother, don’t worry, you are human. Many of the people who criticize you also lose patience or don’t have time for their children.. Only you are acting as a mirror for them, that’s why they take out their frustration on you for not being able to more than fulfill that role of perfect mother. Well, like you, they are only capable of interpreting one: that of real mothers.

You might be interested…