When You Date Someone Who Doesn’t Understand Your Insecurity

I’m insecure. I look down whenever someone says I look good. I come home from the hair salons in tears. I delete ninety percent of the photographs because I find something wrong with each one.

I don’t consider myself attractive. But that’s not your fault. I don’t know why you take it personally whenever I disagree with your compliments. You act like I’m being rude, ignoring your opinion and sticking to mine, but it has nothing to do with you.

When I get upset about how there are prettier girls than me at your job, I’m not accusing you of being unfaithful. When I get mad at how awful my makeup looks, I’m not secretly saying you’re failing to tell me I look good.

It’s not your job to make me love myself. The fact that I’m insecure has absolutely nothing to do with you. That’s why it’s so frustrating when you get mad at me for feeling like nothing.

When I’m having a hard time loving myself, when I care about how shitty my makeup is or how dry my skin is in the cold, I don’t need you to be mad at me or act like I’m fishing for compliments. I don’t need you to make me feel even worse about myself, like there’s something wrong with me for having such low self-confidence. I don’t need more stress accumulated on the way that I’m already feeling.

I know my self-consciousness is irritating. No matter how hard I try to think I’m beautiful or how hard I try not to give a damn about how I look, I’m still struggling to accept my reflection.

Whenever I get mad that I can’t get a good picture or how my workouts aren’t helping me lose weight, I don’t need you to act like I’m being annoyed by expressing my frustration.

I need you to be there for me.

I need you to make me feel it’s okay to vent. I need you to hear what I’m saying, even if you don’t understand how I see myself so differently than you see me.

I don’t want to feel like I can’t go to you when I’m feeling insecure, because you’ll get angry with me and the conversation will turn into an argument. I don’t want to keep my emotions to myself for fear of you judging me.

Around most people I pretend to love myself. I make jokes about how attractive I am and how I could have anyone I want. I convince everyone that I’m completely fine.

You are the only person who knows how insecure I am. I’m brave enough to admit the truth to you. The least you can do is respect that.

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