When we feel indifference towards our partner

We prepare the food. We sat down to eat. Our partner is in front of us. We eat while watching television. We talk a little about how the morning went. She drinks some water. She looks at us. We look at each other. We have been together for several years. We smile at each other. She tells us some story about her family. We watch her carefully while we eat in silence. We love her. She is a very important part of our life.

However, we no longer feel connected to it. We would never want anything bad to happen to him, but nothing is the same anymore. Who has not experienced a similar situation? Indifference towards one’s partner is a complex as well as painful issue.

When indifference towards our partner occupies more and more moments or becomes more intense, it usually gives way to a feeling of discomfort that ends up taking center stage in our state of mind and our body. What’s going on? What has changed? Is love over? Have we been victims of monotony?

Even though nothing notable bad has happened, that magical connection has disappeared. Expressions like, “we seem more like friends than a couple” or “I see her more like my sister than my girlfriend” are frequently repeated in many relationships. Is it time to put an end to it or can the flame of love be rekindled?

Indifference towards the partner: is love over?

Love is a concept of abstract overtones. It is we who construct a good part of its meaning. If we stick to the Buddhist definition, love is the desire and aspiration for all beings to be happy and have the causes of happiness. From this point of view, love may not be over, because despite feeling indifference towards our partner, we wish them all the best. However, there is an obvious change. Our wishes for her are the best, but we are no longer happy sharing time with each other..

Perhaps it would be more correct to clarify what “romantic love” has ended.. We have stopped seeing our partner as a life partner and we see them as someone who is by our side, but who no longer gives us much. We listen to her stories with the attention that sustains will or obligation, but not interest. We don’t worry about looking for times of intimacy. Sexual relations have gone to a second, third or tenth level.

As García and Ilabaca (2013) state about relationships, “The two members that compose it must build a particular identity for the integration and accommodation of both individualities., which is not easy.” According to this theory, when both members stop building a joint identity, there is a risk that the couple will begin to fall apart.

Why can indifference towards your partner arise?

There are many reasons why indifference can appear in a couple. First of all, One of the two may be going through complex periods of anxiety and stress., which is why the couple’s requirements begin to seem excessive or unimportant. In these scenarios, the fundamental thing would be to recognize whether or not there is still love and mutual commitment, to find a way to overcome the bad moment together.

Besides, In long-term relationships, it may be common for communication to end up reduced to formalities about domestic duties or daily obligations. and there is no space to share emotions and feelings, fears and worries. In these cases, indifference towards the partner may appear, since we forget that they are a human being with a complex emotional world, like ours, who also needs to be listened to.

Finally, Indifference towards the couple may appear when one of the two has changed their life objectives and these are no longer a joint project., but they have become personal goals. In these cases, the crucial thing is to strengthen communication to decide if you continue together, oriented towards new goals, or if the time has come to separate and take different paths.

Everything has a time

The romantic idea that a relationship has to last forever, against all odds, can be very damaging. Not all relationships have the same duration. Furthermore, it is necessary to understand that those that last longer do not have to be better. In this sense, projecting an expectation about the duration of a relationship can end up being counterproductive; In this scenario we see how, Sometimes, we insist on praising that which no longer gives any more of itself.

On the other hand, it is not so easy to put an end to a relationship. So, Despite feeling indifference towards our partner, the fact of losing them can cause us anxiety, sadness and anger.. Experiencing the feeling of losing someone we love, even if they no longer fulfill us, causes us anxiety and discomfort.

In this sense, it is necessary to point out that Anxiety or feelings of discomfort are common phenomena in the context of a separation regardless of who took the initiative.. Therefore, if we accept certain emotions as normal and temporary, it will be much easier for us to cope with the breakup.

And now that? Learn to be with yourself

When indifference towards the partner has ended the relationship, many wonder: what now? Some people are inclined to look for another person, that is, they feel the need to fill that void by starting another relationship. Others prefer to be alone for a while. However, When a relationship ends, the best option is to learn – relearn or get used to – to be with ourselves. In this way, we will avoid falling into another relationship due to dependency.

There are a large number of people unable to lead a life without someone by their side. As romantic as it may seem, What is hidden behind this generated need is a high factor of emotional dependence.

Many are terrified of being with themselves, not having anyone to hug, listen to their thoughts or identify what they want and don’t want. There is an internal void that they try to fill with external affection. In this way it is very difficult to wait for a person who really fits, thus condemning the new relationship to a near end.

How to improve a relationship that is off

Many people dare to try to rekindle the relationship when it fades. The first step, of course, is to find out the reason for this indifference. ANDIt may be difficult to find it, since it is buried in the very roots of the relationship, but it will be worth it to provide solid solutions.

From that moment on, other alternatives can also be provided, such as resuming an old hobby together, looking for new activities, etc. However, if everything you contribute does not work or one of you does not collaborate, it is best to go to a specialist in couples therapy. Be that as it may, rekindling the relationship or moving on to the next stage of life without that person will be your decision.

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