When men don’t listen

She talks and talks and talks… It is often said that women talk too much. Meanwhile, he tries to provide solutions so that he finally stops complaining.. In the end, the scene ends in an argument: “Men don’t listen!” she will claim, not understanding how a man is incapable of listening for more than ten minutes.

One of the most frequent female complaints (if not the most common) is that men do not know how to listen.. To which they, confused, will respond that they do know how to do it and that they can accurately repeat everything that has been told to them.

Do men really not listen?

What really happens is that, according to the way we have been socialized, Men and women have a very different way of facing the difficulties that life presents us.

In the male universe, problems are something very personal. Educated to be strong, self-sufficient and protective, Men often try to resolve their conflicts on their own..

Asking for advice is something they will turn to as the last of the possibilities., only and exclusively if absolutely necessary. First, they will meditate on possible solutions to their problem in silence and, if they still cannot find one, they will try to distract themselves with some activity that helps them clear their mind, such as watching television or playing sports.

Women, for our part, are more accustomed to talking about what bothers us and expressing it. For us, many times the need to talk (or even monologue) about a problem lies in a feminine need to verbalize problems to understand them.

We take care of listening to each other out loud and so, As we talk, we are doing a catharsis and discovering what exactly disturbs us. and how we can solve it. We are not necessarily asking for advice: rather we are dealing with an audience that is interested in us and that shows us empathyalthough it does not offer us any solution.

Different perspectives

It’s not so much a question of whether they listen or not, but rather a question of perceptions. For the average man, this attitude of women can seem very strange or even a waste of time. In masculine parameters the only reason to talk about a problem is when it has not been possible to find an answer. and help is sought.

They listen, but the mere fact of talking for the sake of talking seems illogical to them And so, when they offer a solution and the woman doesn’t accept it (since all she feels she needs at that moment is empathy), they feel like they have failed and become frustrated.

On the contrary, When a man is silent because he has a problem, women tend to ask him about it.. From our point of view, we are showing interest, but from the male perspective, we are invading his space and harassing him with questions.

This type of situation is seen much more clearly if we are aware that Men and women tend to deal with problems in different ways.: While they need space and confidence that they will be able to resolve their issues on their own, we need to talk and receive empathy, more than solutions.

Also Some neurological studies indicate that the female voice has more complex inflections than the male voice., so it requires more brain activity to hear it. On the contrary, when a man listens to another, his brain processes that he is listening to himself and it becomes easier for him to pay attention. They say that men are from Mars and women are from Venus.

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Image courtesy of D.Willis