When is a relationship not for you?

If we are involved in a bad relationship, there will always be signs that tell us so.. However, in some cases, these are not so obvious to us, because we unconsciously refuse to accept them. This fact is so common that it is likely that it has happened to all of us, at least once.

Maybe we find it difficult to accept that we have made a mistake, we are terrified by the idea of ​​changing our lives, or we may even be with that person out of pity. In any case, it is certain that we expect more from life, but not from what we have now. The key question is, will there be a solution? Do we really want to solve it?

It is normal to have relationship problems, since not everything is always perfect. But We have to know when discussions or problems are within the parameters of normal and when they cross the red line. That line that delimits a normal couple from a toxic couple.

Let’s delve into it.

How to know when something is not right in your relationship

There are so many signs that when you stop to analyze them you realize everything. Like when you know deep down that something is not right or the relationship is not working at all. They stand out among them:

1. That person does not appear in your future plans

When you think about your future and you can’t imagine it with that person It is a great indication that this person really is not the best one for you. Even if you tell yourself otherwise, you must realize how things really are. The problem is that sometimes we maintain unrealistic expectations that distance us from the reality of what is really happening.

Another important issue is not sharing common projects, objectives, goals and values. If you do not share anything about your partner, beyond intimacy, that relationship will not have much future, unless one of the two changes radically. Although this is a utopia…

2. You can’t be yourself

Another important factor is that this person limits you in your development, your goals and ambitions. For example, it doesn’t allow you to do things you want, it isolates you from your friends and family, it makes you work to study or work, etc.

Although, in some cases, the lack of authenticity does not always come from the partner’s coercion, but from a deprivation of ourselves. In these circumstances, it is common for we are afraid to show ourselves how we really are for fear of rejectionthus relating to low self-esteem and own insecurities.

2. Difficulty resolving relationship conflicts

If arguments go hand in hand with immaturity and poor ability to resolve conflictsthen the relationship is not on the right track.

Some manifestations of the inability to resolve conflicts are: aggressive communication, insults, disrespect, or the law of silence (ignore the other), when there is a problem.

3. There is constant criticism

If one of the two, or both, constantly corrects the other, it is also a sign that the relationship is going straight to failure. This implies frequently bringing to light the other’s flaws, making the other feel belittled and undervalued.

In this case, they would have to question why they act this way. Most likely the one who criticizes is dissatisfied with his partner and wants to be with someone else who is not him or her.

4. They don’t have sex

The frequency with which each couple has sex is something that usually adapts to the preferences of each one. However, a sign that the relationship is not on the right track is that sexual relations have completely disappeared when, in the beginning, they did have this type of intimacy.

Various factors influence this aspect, such as lack of time or daily stress. But if there is no minimal intention to resolve this issue, it is likely that the relationship will not work.

5. Anything becomes a conflict

Couples’ arguments are normal. In fact, they are healthy, as long as they communicate assertively and solve with respect.

However, if your struggle is constant and every action or decision becomes a pitched battle, then it is very likely that something bad is happening. In these cases, Neither of them wants to give in and the only thing that matters is being right at all costs, even if they are arguing over something stupid.

Is it worth working to improve the relationship?

It is clear that in all relationships there are good and bad aspects. Nevertheless, If the bad far outweighs the good, it is time to stop and reflect deeply.. Is it really worth it? What do you gain by maintaining the relationship? Comfort? ?Avoid uncertainty? Finally, what would you gain by ending the relationship?

In many cases, it is clear that it will be worth working to improve things, especially if you share important common points, values, etc.. All relationships go through good and bad times. If yours is simply a bad streak, you can still work to improve the relationship.

But what happens if the relationship really doesn’t work? Beyond telling you what you should or shouldn’t do, The important thing is that you analyze what is best for you.. We know that these questions are not easy to answer, but no one but us knows what the answer is.

For its part, Couples therapy can be a good tool to help you solve those problems that you have not been able to overcome on your own.. Many times the help of a specialist is necessary to accompany us in the process.

Yes indeed, Keep in mind that couples therapy does not guarantee that the relationship will continue; since it is not the objective of it. That is, if this is the case, it can help you realize that being together is not the best for both of you. However, we should not assume this as something negative, as it is an alternative that will probably help both of them continue growing, but separately.

To conclude, we emphasize the relevance of taking into account the aforementioned signs and always thinking about your own well-being, not only in the short term but also in the long term. The decision to break up now may cause a lot of pain, but the benefits in the future may be much greater.

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