Interdependence: the key to healthy relationships

In recent times, there has been a great awareness of the detriment of emotional dependence at a social level. Many people have managed to identify these patterns, freeing themselves from them, opening themselves to develop and enjoy their own resources. However, in this process it is important not to fall into the opposite extreme, which can also cause significant damage. For this reason, we want to talk to you about the importance of interdependence.

This concept It is framed within the theory of social exchange in psychology. This theory states that when we interact with other people, they influence our experiences, while we influence theirs.

Each exchange is based on a set of costs and benefits that makes us stay in a bond or move away from it. And, in this regard, interdependence is the way to optimize our results to enjoy healthy relationships. Here we tell you why.

A game of costs and benefits

We all need others to survive, develop and maintain emotional health. As social beings, we are linked to others from birth and for the rest of our lives.

However, These social exchanges bring us multiple benefits, but they can also entail a series of costs. of various types:

At an emotional level: the positive or negative emotions and affects that derive from our social ties are our rewards and costs, respectively. At a social level: we are talking in this case about status, social appearance and the social situations that we experience thanks to the others. This, again, can be positive (if it provides good status and pleasant exchanges) or negative (if the opposite happens). At an instrumental level: it is the most pragmatic and material aspect. By interacting with others, we can obtain benefits when They help us solve tasks and carry out activities in which they are competent or in which the work is simply distributed. On the contrary, when others burden us with extra work or prevent us from completing tasks, they impose a cost on us. At the level of opportunities: Relating to others usually opens up a huge range of possibilities. However, sometimes it also makes us value less others that we would also enjoy without these links.

What is interpersonal interdependence?

In our relationships there is also a set of costs and benefits that should ideally be balanced, in addition to giving us positive results. However, depending on our way of connecting, this may or may not happen.

Excessively dependent people tend to objectively contribute much more than they receive. in your links. They are often willing to bear high costs to protect the relationships they may have with other people.

In the case of people who are very independent, we usually encounter the opposite scenario, which causes them to lose the benefits that deep and meaningful relationships bring.

So, interdependence is a healthy intermediate and balanced position that allows us to move in the social world in an appropriate way.

What characterizes interdependence?

In summary, these are the principles that characterize it:

The relationships established are balanced and equitable. Both people give and receive fairly and mutually benefit from the bond. The individual is capable of getting involved on a personal and emotional level. There is trust in each other and there is no fear of showing oneself authentic and vulnerable.Social relationships provide benefits and support, but personal well-being is not dependent on them. The person has developed their own resources, trusts themselves and is able to set limits.There is an ability to appreciate the value that social ties bring to life and what is necessary to cover the needs of affection, recognition and belonging. However, there is also a discernment that allows us to move away when its effects are more harmful than positive. In short, the maxim that could define interdependence would be the following: “I can do it alone, but I don’t want to do it alone.” That is, I trust my abilities and resources, but I value support and cooperation and I voluntarily engage in enriching relationships.

Promote interdependence in personal relationships

Bonding through interdependence is essential if we want to enjoy healthy relationships and improve our quality of life. If we are dependent we will be complacent, we will live in the constant anxiety of others abandoning us and we will tolerate excessive costs for not feeling able to function on our own.

On the contrary, If we seek to be totally independent we will end up overloaded, stressed and overwhelmedwith a great feeling of loneliness and emptiness typical of the lack of meaningful connection.

So, ideally, we should all learn to trust ourselves and others since childhood. However, this is a teaching that not all children receive. For this reason, if as an adult you perceive that you tend to position yourself at one of the two extremes, we invite you to seek help to adopt an attitude of interdependence.

This is work that requires addressing fears, restructuring ideas, and learning to relate again. Nevertheless, It is the way to stop building walls that isolate us, or to give ourselves to such an excessive degree that we are left empty.. Interdependence is the healthy and natural balance.

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