Live for others without stopping thinking about yourself

If we wanted to count the thoughts that go through our heads throughout a day, it would be complicated. Well, it is logical to think that among 70,000 daily thoughts, the largest proportion, the winning part will be our needs.

Our own joys, our own tastes, our own problems (let’s not forget them), in short, we will think more about ourselves than about anything else. It is logical to think about it, at least.

Afterwards, possibly An important portion of thoughts is directed towards our loved ones. Couple, family, children, friends. Pending tasks for them, conflicts and ruminations exclusive to each person.

And of course, we will still have “a little space” to think about useless, mundane and everyday topics such as: “How bad her hair looks on that one” or “that damn television show is making me nervous, change it once and for all.” Everyday things…

When we spend more time on others than on ourselves

It has been proven that The time our mind dedicates to the rest of the world sometimes turns out to be too much. in relation to the time that we might need.

Let’s say that sometimes, our brain, our mind or our will itself are surprised without space, this being occupied by things that are foreign to us and that can even escape our control.

“Would what I said made him feel bad?”, “It’s my fault, I should have acted differently,” or the best: “I’m selfish, once he asks me for help…”

Completely negative phrases that make us feel bad by making us “see” that we have been bad, or at least not good enough to another person. Thoughts not dedicated to ourselves, in our defense, but to others.

It is incredible the capacity that human beings have to state phrases like those mentioned in our minds, which have their repercussions on an emotional level.

You might think that in the same way, they are entirely inevitable. There are millions of arguments that validate that we feel this way. But how many are there to defend us?

The educational messages of our childhood

The reality is that throughout our lives we are continually exposed to educational messages such as: “you have to share” either “do good to others” either “do everything possible to make others happy”…

These are educational messages because we are fed these messages during childhood. It seems that as children we need these types of messages to create our own values ​​later. But really They have several limitations for the adult:

-First of all, these are orders. They are not simple phrases: I know, you have to… They are not suggestions. Therefore, it is as if we are forced to be a certain way.

“Educate your child with suggestions”, some may think. We are no longer children. We can modify, reflect on those orders. Discuss them.

Who decides whether to do “good” or not, if not us? Who decides whether or not to share our resources, but us?

-In second place, are dichotomous orders. That is to say, “you have to share” (because if not, you won’t be good). ““Do good to others” (or you won’t be good either, you will be bad) and ““Do everything possible to make others happy.” (or you will be selfish).

They don’t give room to be “a little selfish.” All or nothing. Good or bad. Perhaps the question is, are there no grays?

-And finally, subjectivity. No one has ever written what exactly it means to be “good”, “selfish” either “altruistic”.

Where is a rule written so that we can consider ourselves selfish? How many times do we have to look for ourselves and not for the rest? Is it bad to be?

The Romans used the word egoism to express the “practice of the self.”

Think of yourself, be your priority

After all, everyone has their own version of the terms, and We all try to see ourselves in a way that makes us the good ones.

We rationalize, we argue, or we assume the role of bad guys, and we punish ourselves, waiting to do penance for that enormous evil that we have committed. And it is logical. After all, we are the protagonists of our stories.

From time to time, we find ourselves unwittingly trapped in a logic that does nothing but harm us. AND We see ourselves giving time, resources and strength to people who seem to have no other purpose. in life to crush ourselves.

And we can not stop. We fear negative consequences. We are terrified of moving away from the supposed path that has been set for us.

Reflect and rationalize these thoughts; These messages, calmly and calmly, can be the exercise that our human condition most appreciates.

That small space of time in which after reflecting we realize, “Hey, maybe it’s not so bad. Maybe I need the time for myself. Maybe you don’t want to share with anyone right now. Maybe I should be selfish.”

Perhaps being selfish is justified. Maybe being selfish just means loving ourselves a little.