How to react to a lie?

All our social ties are built on trust. It is this that allows us to know that an employee will do his job, that a friend will be loyal or that our partner will respect the relationship. When we are lied to, this fundamental pillar weakens, generating different emotions in us. Deciding how to react to a lie is not easy, which is why we want to offer you some guidelines to consider.

When we discover that a close person is lying to us, we do not always have enough self-control to think before acting. Visceral and automatic reactions are very common in these cases, especially if we consider that the transgression has been serious or if we feel deeply offended and betrayed.

Even so, Once we distance ourselves and manage to calm our spirits, we will have to decide what to do next.; and this is when the following recommendations can be useful.

1. Analyze your degree of relationship with the other person

This first point is essential when making a decision, since it is not the same for a close relative to lie to you as for someone you have just met to lie to you. In this second case, Lying is probably an early sign that it is not advisable to continue being intimate with that person.. But, if it is a loved one, the solution is not so simple.

In this last case It will be important to analyze if this is the first time that this person has deceived us. or if it is a repeating pattern; and, similarly, we might take into account more information (discussed below) to decide how to proceed.

2. Evaluate the seriousness of the situation

It is true that damage to trust always occurs, regardless of the type of lie we are facing. However, someone occasionally pretending to have a commitment because she doesn’t feel like going out is not as serious as the couple hiding infidelity.

Each of us decides where to place our red lines; those that, if crossed, represent a point of no return in the relationship with the other. So, ask yourself if what happened goes beyond the limits of what is acceptable to you.

3. Weigh the possible causes before reacting to a lie

It is important to consider that a lie can respond to different reasons. Sometimes dishonesty arises to avoid an unwanted consequence or to obtain some type of benefit. For example, it is common to lie to preserve one’s own image and personal history in the face of others.

These types of more selfish motivations are different from others derived from emotional or character deficiencies. For example, Some people cheat because of a lack of self-esteem or a need to gain recognition.the admiration and approval of others.

Thus, they can invent important aspects of their lives hoping not to be discovered. Even if the tendency to lie is recurrent, it is possible that there is some underlying pathology that requires professional intervention.

Anyways, underlying motives do not justify cheating or force you to forgive and continue in contact with the person who has lied to you. However, they can help you understand the situation more in depth.

4. Allow yourself to express your emotions

As we have mentioned, when reacting to a lie there are those who do so abruptly and uncontrollably. But there are also those who fail to react or repress their feelings for various reasons; perhaps to avoid worsening the situation or for fear of losing the other. If you are part of this group, you should know that It is necessary and healthy to allow yourself to feel and express what you feel.

Anger is a natural and necessary emotion that protects us and allows us to set limits. When someone betrays your trust, it is natural to feel angry and you have to be able to express it. Yes indeed, Try to do it in an assertive and controlled waywhose ultimate objective is to obtain an explanation from the other person and seek solutions if applicable.

5. Make a decision

The last step when reacting to a lie is to make a decision. At this point, it is important that you remember that With your actions you teach others how to treat youso ignoring the situation and continuing as if nothing had happened will probably only lead to more lies in the future.

So, talk to the other person, listen to them, express your point of view and Decide if it is necessary to establish certain types of limits or if you directly want to end the relationship Between both. This will depend largely on what has been seen previously.

In short, each situation has particular characteristics that must be analyzed before reacting. In any case, try to develop self-control so as not to act in a way that you will later have to regret; but, equally, remember that you have the right to feel and express yourself. If you have been lied to, trust must be restoredotherwise the link will no longer be functional.

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