I don’t feel valued: what have I done wrong?

How many times have you thought how unfair it is that you give everything for your loved ones and they don’t appreciate it? You go out of your way for your partner, your children and your friends; You are attentive to their needs and always ready to do them any favor. You are generous and considerate of others and yet you do not feel valued by them. Faced with this situation that can be so painful, it is necessary to look at ourselves.

When we give everything and receive nothing, when we feel the ingratitude of our environment, a wave of negative emotions takes over us. On the one hand, we feel insufficient, we wonder what more we have to do to be recognized and appreciated, what is wrong with us. On the other hand, we feel anger and resentment towards those who do not seem capable or willing to perceive and appreciate everything we do for them.

This damages self-esteem and confidence and also deteriorates relationships.. Well, when you don’t feel valued you react, reproach and get frustrated for not understanding the unfair treatment you receive. The reality is that the only possible work to do is with ourselves, so we have to understand what moves us and what we can do about it.

Why don’t you feel valued?

You give to receive

We want to believe that our actions are generous and selfless and respond to the love we feel for those around us. However, on many occasions it is not these feelings that move us.

When inadequate upbringing has been received and an insecure attachment bond has been established in childhood, the consequences remain even in adulthood. If we grew up insecure about the affection and care we could expect from our parents or main figures of reference, we possibly learned to try by all means to obtain and maintain that appreciation.

When these people grow up They feel a real fear of abandonment and rejection and are capable of ignoring their own desires and needs to please others.. However, they will not do it because they love them, but because they are afraid of not being loved.

You teach others how to treat you

Every moment, with each of our actions, we are teaching others how to treat us. We are the ones who decide our value and show it to the rest. When you fall into the trap of being overly accommodating, you show others that you are always there for them, even when it hurts or upsets you.

You teach them that your time is not valuable, that your opinions are not important and that they are above you. Although it may sound harsh, this is really what we do to ourselves and, therefore, what we teach others to do. It is you who is not valued when you put the wants and needs of others before your own.

If you don’t feel valued, start valuing yourself

Ultimately, the treatment that others give you is a reflection of the treatment that you give to yourself. If others do not value your time, it is because you do not value them, giving it to them before you, always being available. The recognition, respect and affection that you seek outside is what you lack internally..

It is essential to understand that self-love is not selfishness, which is legal and healthy to take into account first. If you want to feel valued, start valuing yourself. Observe your childhood wound, work on it, heal it and at that moment you can begin to give out of love and not out of fear of abandonment.

Get used to listening to yourself, knowing what you want and need at all times and give it to yourself. Don’t be afraid to say no, don’t feel guilty for deciding and setting limits. When you value yourself, others will begin to appreciate and appreciate what you can offer. And, if this does not happen, you will have the strength to walk away from those who do not, in peace. You will no longer wonder what is wrong with you because you will know that there is nothing wrong. When you recognize yourself you don’t need the recognition of others.

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