How to increase self-love in 17 steps

Self-love is that muscle that you should exercise to perfection at all times. Well, it influences the way you relate to others, the image you project to the world and the way you deal with problems. However, many are unaware of the importance of increasing self-love to ensure their own well-being.

The spark of self-love guarantees, for example, that you choose better the people in your life. It also implies that you can face any challenge, whether big or small, with better resources.

Self-love is, so to speak, a state of appreciation that emerges as you do things for yourself. As, for example, you invest in your psychological, emotional and spiritual development. It is a dynamic dimension that allows you to mature in strengths and quality of life.

What is self love?

Self-love is not just about feeling good. It is not something that can be achieved only by taking care of your image, sharing quality time with loved ones, enjoying activities that you like alone or through inspiring readings. As rewarding as these and other things may be, self-love is not just this.

It defines above all the ability to appreciate what you do and value who you are. They are dimensions that, often, They are vulnerable as a result of bad upbringing and an authoritarian education or one marked by indifference.

Self-love is a state that does not admit doubts, times of weakness or even less placing its sparkle in other people’s pockets to lose your dignity. This psychic tendon requires care and grows through actions that make you mature: when you act, for example, intelligently and take care of your interests and values; when you begin to accept your weaknesses and strengths and have less need to explain your shortcomings.

You are in turn facing a state that makes you feel compassion for yourself. as a human being and pushes you to strive to find personal meaning. Thanks to this, you are more focused on your purpose and your values, the same ones you hope to fulfill through your own efforts.

How do you know that you don’t love yourself?

Now, many people do not know how to identify the lack of self-love. And this is because they never encouraged this dimension during childhood and adolescence.

However, it is never too late to learn to recognize it. That is why, below, we show you some signs that indicate that you do not love yourself.

You question the compliments other people say about you. You feel that the compliments they give you are exaggerated or a joke. You don’t think you deserve the praise.You never defend your point of view before others. This happens for two reasons: you don’t want to generate tension with the other person or you don’t want to be rejected for making your opinion known, especially if it opposes what others think.You are defensive. You take any opinion or comments as a personal attack. You feel that others want to hurt you and that is why you react defensively.You compare yourself to others. You measure yourself against others and you always lose. You feel inferior, insufficient, defective. This provokes feelings of inferiority or envy in you; You want to be like others, not like you are.You attribute your achievements to luck. When you evaluate your achievements, you put aside your value, effort, and ability, and only focus on how circumstances favored you. You think that you have not been the architect of your success, but the luck you have had.You doubt yourself. The insecurity you have leads you to doubt everything you do. The fear of failing and not being enough is classic for you.You have recurring negative thoughts. You think that everything will go wrong for you, that you are not competent, good, enough and that no one loves you.You judge yourself frequently. At all times you judge yourself negatively and punish yourself for things that don’t go well for you.

17 steps to increase self-love

Here are some steps to increase self-love:

1. Stay attentive and aware

People who love themselves tend to know what they think, feel and want. They are aware of what they are, they put it into practice and do not act based on what others want for them.

To increase self-love, observe what you feel, what comes up inside you, that voice that tells you what you love. Being attentive and conscious is necessary for you to identify how you are, what you need, and what you can do for yourself to love yourself more.

2. Act based on your needs, not your desires

Love is not the continuous satisfaction of what is desired, but the facilitation of what is needed. To increase your self-love you must focus on your needs and stay away from everything that harms you and causes problems. Live according to what you need, not what you want.

Giving priority to what you need and not what you want doesn’t mean you can’t indulge yourself from time to time. What it is about is not making the satisfaction of desires the central axis of your existence. You have to give everything its rightful place.

3. Practice good self-care

One way to increase self-love is to take more care of your basic needs. People who love themselves take care of themselves through healthy activities: good nutrition, exercise, good sleep, intimacy, and healthy social interactions.

Do not hesitate, therefore, to dedicate the time you deserve, do not be afraid to prioritize yourself. Because self-love is not selfishness, it is a health exercise for one’s own physical, mental and emotional balance.

4. Set limits

Loving yourself also requires gaining the courage to set limits. Don’t think that limits are just for other people, they apply to you too. Tell you “no” in the face of what harms you is a sign of appreciation for you, for your well-being.

Therefore, to increase love for yourself, start by clearly drawing the limits that you should not exceed. It may be difficult at first, but over time it will become easier.

5. Protect yourself from toxic people

Getting away from and protecting yourself from toxic people, those who prevent you from growing and cloud your well-being, is a necessary step on the path to self-love. Therefore, identify those who do not allow you to develop and find a way to keep your distance from them.

Self-love is also knowing how to handle yourself in difficult situations. and that you know how to impose your rights and needs, without attacking others, even if you consider it to be toxic.

6. Connect with people who love you

The previous point leads us to this recommendation: surround yourself with people who treat you well. Believe it or not, something as basic as this ends up becoming one of the most complicated things to do because you resist leaving the comfort zone that you have created with toxic people.

With self-love it happens the same as when you love someone, you try to show your affection and always look for the best for the other. Well, that’s what you should do with yourself, look for the best for yourself and give yourself the gift of being surrounded by people who support you, people who make you feel valued and appreciated.

7. Forgive yourself

Being responsible for your actions does not mean that you have to punish yourself for them forever. People who love themselves learn from their mistakes, accept their humanity, and forgive themselves. The step you will take in giving shape to that needed forgiveness translates into a single word: freedom.

8. Listen to your inner voice

How do you talk to yourself? What do you tell yourself when you fail? When things don’t go as you expected, how do you deal with yourself? Take the time to think about what the dialogue you have with yourself is like. Is it kind, cordial, loving, compassionate? Or is it aggressive, intolerant, demanding, accusatory?

To start increasing that self-love you have to start making changes in the way you talk to yourself. If you find that your dialogue is always humiliating, degrading, sad or negative, try to change it into a more positive, compassionate and kind one. Talk to yourself as you would talk to the love of your life.

But be careful, it is not about living in an illusory positivism or fighting to eradicate the gray clouds from the mental landscape. It is rather about generating an alternative dialogue that allows you to relate to that unkind side from a place of compassion and tenderness.

9. Focus on the good things

Just as bad things happen to you, good things happen to you. The question is, which ones do you focus your life most on? Which ones define you? One way to increase self-love is to see those good things that happen to you and what you do so that pleasant things also happen to others.

Seeing both sides of the coin of good (what happens to you and what you do for others) is a way to fill yourself with pleasant emotions, not only for life itself, but also for your existence. Feeling good about yourself for what you do and what happens to you is key so that you can enjoy that love that you are looking for so much in yourself.

10. Live with intention

To accept and love yourself more, being aware of what is happening in your life, it is good that you have at least one purpose. As long as your intention is to live a meaningful and healthy life, then you must make the right decisions to achieve it.

This will allow you to feel good about yourself when you succeed in this goal. You will discover that you can love yourself much more if you achieve what you set out to do. Therefore, it is necessary that you establish your life intentions.

11. Accept that there are things you cannot control

One way to undermine self-love is to allow everything that does not depend on you, and that you cannot control, affect the relationship you have with yourself. Therefore, one way to restore, improve and increase your self-love is to accept that you cannot control everything and that there are things that are out of your hands.

For example, you cannot control the actions of others, the uncertainty of the future, the economy of the society in which you live, or the opinion that others have of you. If that was your intention, it is time for you to change it.

Therefore, to increase self-love, The ideal is that you begin to accept that not everything can fit what you expect. And that’s fine. In fact, the beauty of life is in its ability to surprise us. So, let go a little and let it surprise you.

12. Give yourself compliments every day

Learn to flatter yourself every day, recognize your achievements no matter how small they may be and value the effort you put into each goal even if you haven’t achieved it. Don’t wait for someone else to come and do it for you.

Did you pass that exam that worried you so much? Did you increase your performance in the gym? Did you deliver that work presentation on time? In these types of situations…