What’s in the mind of an abuser?

According to international organizations, Gender violence can be classified into five types: physical violence, sexual violence, psychological control violence, emotional psychological violence and economic violence.

For years, attempts have been made to explain the origin of abusive behavior and the psychological processes that make up the mind of an abuser. What some justify with the label of mental illness, other professionals deny and point directly to the educational problems that our society presents.

The Macrosurvey of Violence against Women of the Ministry of Health reports that The three main reasons why women do not report in Spain are:

By not giving enough importance to violence suffered.By fear of reprisals.By shame.

Now, what is really in the mind of an abuser? As a rule, an abuser is controlling, he believes he has the right to everything, he distorts reality as he pleasesdoes not respect his partner and we can say that, in some way, he considers himself superior.

He confuses love with abuse, is manipulative, strives to give a good public image, denies and minimizes his abuse, and is possessive. Although many of these attitudes can occur in an abuser, Not all men who abuse have the same psychological profile.

The cycle of abuse

American psychologist Lenore Walker established the classic cycle of violence to explain how people who suffer abuse go through a series of phases whose cycle is repeated each time an attack occurs.

This cycle is specified extensively in his book The battered woman syndrome and consists of three main phases:

Accumulation phase. A gradual escalation of tension occurs with discrete acts. Insults, unpleasant behavior or physical abuse may occur. The victim tries to reduce the anger of his attacker and tries to prevent the outbreak of behavior from occurring. Little by little, learned helplessness is established in women, that is, the belief that no matter what she does, she cannot avoid abuse.explosion phase. The tension continues to increase and the result is the explosion of verbal and/or physical attacks that can leave the woman seriously affected or injured.“Honeymoon” phase. The abuser apologizes, tries to help the victim, and is kind and helpful while making gifts and promises. The aggressor assures that he will be able to control his aggressiveness and the woman wants to believe him, even in the mind of an abuser the false hope of real change can be created. In this phase there is usually an absence of tension, but with the passage of time the cycle of abuse becomes chronic and this phase disappears.

Types of abusers

As Echeburúa and his colleagues point out, in the article HE pu ede establish a typological classification of men who are violent against their partners? , There are two groups of researchers (Gottman et al., 1995; Holtzworth-Munroe and Stuart, 1994) who, for just over a decade, have guided the debate on the typologies of men who are violent against their partners.

The classification made by Holtzworth-Munroe and Stuart (1994) is based on three variables: the psychological functioning of the aggressor, the extent of the violence and the severity of the behaviors. As a result, they describe three general categories:

Overcontrolled abusers: They are violent only in the family environment, with their partner and children. Violence occurs with less frequency and severity, with sexual assaults being less likely. It is not common for them to present associated psychopathology.Impulsive abusers: violent in the family environment with partners and children and on occasion with other people. They exercise psychological, physical and sexual violence. They present greater psychological problems, with borderline personality disorder with chronic anger and depression being common. They justify violence as an impulsive way to release accumulated internal tension.Instrumental abusers: violent with the family and also in other environments. The violence exerted is of an instrumental nature, that is, in order to achieve objectives and as a coping strategy. Cold attitude, narcissism and psychopathic manipulation, comorbidity with antisocial personality disorder and drug use is common. They justify violence and it is common for them to have legal problems for other crimes.

What is the origin of the problem?

Abusive men show very diverse personalities, whether they have had a difficult childhood or not. Abuse is not a product of a man’s emotional shortcomings or his lack of social skills.

In reality, abuse arises from man’s early cultural formation, his male role models, and his education. In other words, as Lundy Bancroft points out, Abuse is a problem of values, not psychological.

We must not fall into the trap of basing the basis of abuse through certain myths. Using drugs does not necessarily lead to abuse. Having a mental illness does not necessarily make you a violent person. Suffering abuse as a child does not irremediably transform you into an aggressor.

That is to say, anger, drugs or mental disorders are not the cause or origin of the abuse. It is true that they can be one more factor that contributes to the person acquiring the nature of an abuser, but we cannot simplify it to a cause-effect relationship.

Justifying abuse with this type of argument does not help direct intervention to the root of the problem. The abuser must take responsibility for his abusive attitude.

Any abuser can take charge of their behavior and decide to change it. The question is whether he is willing to lose his position of power. The mind of an abuser is very rigid, and does not tolerate opposition or resistance.

The abuser is neither a monster nor a victim. Frequently, is a human being with a very complex and destructive problem that requires help, for the good of the people around him, but also for his own. It also doesn’t change from one day to the next. Such a complex structure that has been configured for years does not change “by magic.”

The abuser’s behavior is mainly conscious. He acts deliberately, not by accident or because he loses control, but the underlying thought that drives his behavior is so ingrained that he acts without questioning anything else.

The abuser learns his behavior from various sources: important male role models, friends, cultural messages, educational environment, etc. When he reaches adulthood he has integrated this behavior at a very deep level and his responses are automatic. At this moment the mind of an abuser is already fully configured and is very resistant to change.

This is why it is so important to establish an education based on equality. Education feeds our minds from a young age, from the environment and relationships we shape our beliefs and personalities.

Abuse is a problem of values ​​and attitudes. To eradicate domestic violence and community violence, perhaps we need to ask ourselves how we are modeling certain aggressive and sexist behaviors and thoughts.

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