What you admire in others also speaks about you

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Why do you think certain traits of your partner, friends or family arouse admiration in you? We explore the answer in this article.

Written and verified by the psychologist Elena Sanz.

In the last times The so-called “law of the mirror” has gained great importance as a tool for self-knowledge and personal development. You may have heard of it and even used it to understand how what bothers you about other people relates to you. What you may not be so clear about is that what you admire in others also says a lot about you.

Admiration is a positive feeling, pleasant for both the one who admires and the one who is admired. For this reason, we consider it desirable and we do not spend time analyzing why a specific trait or behavior of others generates admiration in us. The truth is that all social relationships function as reflections of our own interior and they provide us with really valuable information about ourselves.

Thus, admiring others can be beneficial as long as we approach it in a constructive and inspiring way. However, it can also lead us to develop a biased view of both others and ourselves. Thus, It’s time to start asking ourselves why we are fascinated by certain characteristics of others..

What you admire in others: what does it say about you?

You own it too

This is the first case and perhaps the easiest to understand. It has been proven that we feel more attracted (on a personal level, not just romantically) to those people who are more similar to us. That is, when someone shows a trait or value that they share with us and that we consider relevantthat makes us react positively, with admiration.

You lack it and you wish you had it

At the opposite extreme is a second possible case: you admire in others what you are not and would love to be. But not only that, for a trait to spark fascination in you it has to be something that you consider impossible to develop in yourself.

It has happened to all of us: we are stunned by a friend’s sociability and extraversion when we are shy. We find our partner’s determination really inspiring when we are indecisive.. We feel that God, the universe or luck gave a special ability to that family member who was able to leave his job and undertake what he was truly passionate about.

When we feel great admiration for someone, it may be because that person shows us the opposite extreme of our shortcomings. Traits that we value as truly positive, but we feel unable to achieve.

How can what you admire in others affect you?

In the first case, Admiring something that is already in you can be a magnificent tool to get to know yourself better and begin to appreciate yourself.. Perhaps you had not yet become aware that that good manners or consideration that you value so positively in others is also a magnificent attribute in you.

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The difficulty arises in the second approach, when what you admire is showing you your own limitation.. At first this may seem harmless: we interact with people who complement us and this can be enriching for both of us. However, we run the risk of idealizing the other.

By clearly seeing in them something that we would undoubtedly like to have but feel lacking, we can magnify those qualities and lose perspective. Since then, We can become dependent on that partner, friend or family member whom we consider much more capable and gifted than us. Or we may begin to envy him and experience rage, anger, or frustration at not being able to achieve those qualities.

Work on you

If the latter is your case, pay attention to what admiration is pointing out to you. Ask yourself if those things you see in others are really qualities that you want to develop, and to what extent you do not possess them.

From here you can begin to actively work on acquiring or improving them. May others help you know yourself and inspire you to be who you really want to be.