The 11 mistakes you should avoid when applying zero contact

Relationships can be like an addiction. Sometimes, after a breakup, your mind remains so attached to that person that you continue checking their social networks and even wait for a message of reconciliation. All of this will make the grieving process difficult and anchor you to an impossible situation. Therefore, it is advisable that you take into account the errors that you should avoid when applying zero contact.

This technique is intended to make it easier for you to leave behind an emotional bond to regain control of your life. Dynamics like dating someone new to provoke your ex’s jealousy, for example, hinder such a process. Creating your own space to heal after a breakup, setting boundaries It is the best strategy. We detail which red lines you should not avoid.

Discover the mistakes you should avoid when applying zero contact

There are many types of breakups. The most difficult is the one in which the feelings of affection are still present. Loving someone, but being aware that it is no longer possible to be with that person hurts. To go through grief and overcome that experience, you need to apply zero contact. Avoiding any form of direct communication is a priority.

In addition, During this period it is essential that you focus all your energies on yourself. It’s time to redesign your life and find new sources of happiness. Keep in mind that, as an article in PloS One points out, the end of a relationship can lead to a depressive disorder. It is important that you always have the best tools. The ones we describe to you now are key.

1. You have not started mourning the breakup

Do you still have hopes of resuming the relationship? Do you feel unable to accept what happened? Does your mind think of a thousand formulas to make your ex-partner reconsider and come back to you? Focusing on the idea of ​​a second chance ruins any attempt at zero contact. Leaving that door open makes the grieving process itself difficult due to a breakup.

Tips to avoid making this mistake

When applying this rule, it is essential that you accept the end of the emotional relationship. Keep in mind that maintaining hope only subjects you to persistent pain. It is normal to miss, but your life will remain stuck in a void with no way out if you do not accept the reality of what happened. Take note of what strategies can help you:

Accept the situation. Facilitate emotional relief. Lean on friends and family. Avoid finding blame for what happened. Project new goals and purposes. Rationalize and remove false hopes.

2. You leave avenues of contact open

It is very possible that you have deleted your partner from your mobile contacts, but not from social networks. This makes it easier for you to go to their accounts from time to time to see what they have posted. This is a clear example of the errors to avoid when applying zero contact. Remember that stalk (stalking, spying, gossiping) on ​​your ex will only intensify your suffering.

Tips to avoid making this mistake

A study published in the journal Philosophy, Psychiatry, & Psychology illustrates something interesting. There are some types of love that are very addictive. This may be the reason why you still drift into this type of behavior. Your brain needs that person almost compulsively and that is why it is difficult for you to accept the situation. We have to break that dynamic. We explain how:

Delete your partner from all your social networks. When you feel the need to contact, do something different. The goal is for your brain to find other sources to produce dopamine. Distract your mind in those moments with new practices: sports, talking with friends, etc

3. You idealize your partner

You have broken up with your partner and now your mind can’t stop thinking about all the good things he had. You remember the happy moments, but not the bad ones. You become obsessed with small details, with his voice or the way he looked at you when he loved you. Be careful with this behavior, because idealization is one of the mistakes you should avoid when applying zero contact.

Tips to avoid making this mistake

Idealizing is a psychological trap that your brain uses to prevent you from turning the page. It is advisable that you rationalize your thoughts and maintain focus. Instead of focusing on everything positive that defined him, focus on the end of the relationship. Pour your energies into yourself, into starting new projects, into healing and recovering what you deserve: your happiness.

4. Thinking that zero contact is temporary

To understand this dynamic, we will give you an example. Sergio broke up with Claudia after 12 years. By maintaining a relationship that lasts so long, he thinks that this breakup is temporary. He thinks she will reconsider, so even though he deleted her from her social media, he keeps her number on his cell phone. What is the ideal thing to do in these cases?

Tips to avoid making this mistake

Every breakup must have a final conversation to clarify why the separation is proceeding. If the reasons are unclear or the other person disappeared without saying anything (ghosting) it is common to harbor false hopes. As far as possible, it is advisable that you accept reality and proceed to put your life back together.

5. Do not agree to zero contact with your ex-partner

There is a common occurrence. Some couples don’t agree on clear boundaries after their breakup. This can mean that, while you have deleted your ex from all your contacts and social networks, the other person does not do so. Suddenly, you find messages on your Instagram account and it’s your ex-partner with another name asking you to talk. What to do in these cases?

Tips to avoid making this mistake

When the end of an emotional bond is carried out, it is advisable to agree on the bases of zero contact. Such an exercise must be reciprocal. It is not enough for only one to fulfill it. Making it clear and specifying that this step must be carried out equally is essential.

6. Ask friends to give you information

Do you have friends in common with your ex-partner? Do you usually ask them how he or she is doing and if they are already with someone else? It is evident that asking them a very specific question on this matter is within the norm. However, it is not healthy to exploit friends to get information from them. Nor to use them as messengers.

Tips to avoid making this mistake

Your friends should be your support in the grieving process due to a breakup. What’s more, a Family Process publication highlights the relevance of the social network in facilitating emotional recovery. These figures should be your daily refuge, not a means to get your ex back. Focus more on who is close to you, than on who has left your life.

7. Start a relationship to make your ex-partner jealous

There are people who start a rebound relationship just to make their ex jealous. As they point out in an article in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, these dynamics involve starting a bond with someone after a romantic breakup, before the feelings of that experience have been resolved.

If you do it just to get your ex-partner’s attention, you will be facing another mistake that you should avoid when applying zero contact. Because With this, what you achieve again is harming yourself.

Tips to avoid making this mistake

The desire to get your ex’s attention by showing him that you are with someone does not solve anything. It only increases the black hole of discomfort and makes your own grieving process more difficult. It is not a smart or healthy strategy. Instead, other keys will help you:

Accept the end of the relationship. Avoid frequenting the same places. Focus on promoting your own well-being. Regulate your feelings of negative valence. Empower yourself, reinforce your self-love and self-esteem. Try to grieve the breakup before starting a new relationship.

8. Live on memories

After leaving a relationship, the mind often goes into the rearview mirror of memory. Sometimes, without realizing it, you stay to live in those spaces of yesterday. where you were happy with that person. Nostalgia, like some loves, can be addictive and prevent you from moving forward, recovering your present and your future. This is another mistake to avoid when applying zero contact.

Tips to avoid making this mistake

During the first weeks after a breakup it is normal to live for a while in memories. However, after that first month, It is convenient that you place your attention on the future, on taking back the reins of your existence. If you are currently dealing with this same reality, the following strategies can help you:

Delete the photos you have of your partner on social networks. Focus on finding new interests and creating different memories. When your mind wanders to the past, go for a walk, get active.

9. You don’t use zero contact to move forward

You do not maintain contact with your ex. You have deleted it from your social networks. You avoid frequenting the places where he/she usually moves and you don’t ask mutual friends about how life is going. On the surface, you are doing well in this regard; You are rigorous. It’s more, If there is something you focus on, it is not thinking about what happened, turning the page quickly.

Keep in mind that no one gets through a duel at cruising speed without delving into their emotions. Applying evasive behavior to avoid addressing what hurts, far from allowing you to move forward, stagnates you.

Tips to avoid making this mistake

You have to manage the feelings related to the breakup. It’s all very well that you apply zero contact appropriately, but the purpose of this rule is to give you space to rebuild yourself. Seize it, Don’t run away from what happened, heal that experience.

10. Don’t lean on anyone

Among the errors to avoid when applying zero contact there is a very common one. Thinking that you alone can do everything, assuming that asking for help for this is foolish. The truth is that Breaking all forms of communication with someone who was previously part of you is a very hard thing. Especially if you still have feelings for that person.

Some people choose to remain secretive and avoid sharing with others how they feel. This happens, especially, when the cause of the breakup is betrayal or abandonment. That feeling of anger and/or shame sometimes makes it difficult to seek support.

Tips to avoid making this mistake

You are not less strong or less valid for saying that today you can’t handle anything. Your friends and family won’t judge you for feeling down or finding it difficult not to contact your ex. Lean on the one who loves you and cares about you.

11. Thinking that there are no more rules

The zero contact rule is not the only one that will allow you to carry out a brave and healing duel. It is also not the golden strategy that will make it easier for you to move on to another stage. When it comes to getting over a breakup, there are more strategies on which you should focus your efforts.

Tips to avoid making this mistake

In order to overcome the end of an emotional bond there is the rule of self-love and self-esteem. There is the tool of good emotional regulation. You must also take into account the key of…