Comparisons are hateful and scary

It makes us feel uncomfortable to be compared to others, but they do it constantly. It makes others feel uncomfortable being compared to other people, but we do it all the time. Making comparisons is more common than we think and many times we do not realize that it can do a lot of harm.

Leaving aside the moments in which making comparisons is appropriate, normally confronting various attitudes, personalities or physical traits is hateful and fearful, especially if we are the ones comparing ourselves to someone. To a large extent, feeling the need to define ourselves by positioning ourselves in relation to others is, in most cases, a deeply unfair judgment.

The comparisons are hateful

Everyone constantly makes comparisons and in a competitive environment, like the current one, this is sometimes an extraordinarily practical attitude. Comparisons, if objective, can give us valuable information to know where we are. Information that, on the other hand, can help us design an action plan in post to improve.

Another very different aspect is that we make comparisons by introducing a lot of perceptual biases. For example, in an Olympic event, such as the marathon, men and women run in separate races because their marks, due to the biology of their bodies, are not comparable. Can you imagine that a woman felt bad for not having made a mark like the man who won her test? The comparison would be terribly unfair.

Another tedious aspect of comparisons has to do with what we compare ourselves or are compared to.. As we have said, comparisons in certain specific aspects can be useful, but they will never be useful when they occur at a global level. In itself, there are many ways to be generous, to be intelligent, to be creative enough for someone to think that they are better or worse than another person “in general.”

Comparisons are scary

As we have pointed out, As long as the comparisons are not biased and global they can be beneficial. Thus, the question lies in knowing how to determine what is the line that separates a good comparison from a bad one, a constructive one from another that hides a personal attack.

A context in which the most odious comparisons often occur is the family and, to be more precise, when these are done between brothers. They may both have received the same education or have the same parents, but there are a lot of other aspects that make them different. The fact that they more or less meet the expectations of parents, grandparents or uncles does not make them better or worse.

These types of situations can take their toll on the person who comes out worst in the comparison and even give rise to a competitive attitude, among the siblings themselves, that would not otherwise exist. Furthermore, an attitude that would often end up reinforcing and also punishing them for the fact that the two, usually, are not the same age.

On the other hand, the “usual” winner of these comparisons also usually loses in the long run. If you get used to living in a flattering environment that rewards your progress with that form of social recognition, probably when you leave this protective environment you will feel demotivated by not obtaining it with the same frequency and in the same way. In addition to stopping always winning, of course.

The importance of cultivating healthy self-esteem

Comparisons that harm our emotional stability are normally related to the level of self-esteem we have., since they will affect us more if we feel weaker in this sense. For this reason it is important to cultivate a healthy balance that allows us to be strong in the face of inevitable comparisons.

When we compare ourselves with someone we usually do so with what we lack and not with what empowers us and we do not realize that the solution is to improve ourselves: learn from the good that others have, but knowing that we We also have good things and the weak ones can be improved.

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