What to do when faced with conflicts over children that are not common in the couple?

Rebuilding our lives can become a tortuous path if conflicts arise with our respective children. Here are tips to establish good relationships in the new family.

Reconstituted families are becoming more frequent; With this also the conflicts over unusual children. What for adults is a new beginning, for children are changes that they have to endure without, many times, having control over it.

This duality of experiences, if not managed well, would lead to a new family breakdown or unresolved problems. that escalate over time. However, it is normal for these changes to be accompanied by setbacks and difficulties, so let’s look at some keys to moving towards the new family structure in a smooth and healthy way.

The origin of conflicts over unusual children

A family that is reconstituted with unusual children is comparable to entering a house and living with unknown companions. Although you may have talked to them before and maybe even liked them, it has nothing to do with sharing your daily life.

Cleanliness, power relations, the occupation of spaces, all of this is a source of conflict due to mere individual differences.

A detail must be added to this scenario. There are two authority figures who, at first, were not linked: the parents of each child. The complex interrelation of all these factors gives rise to conflict triggers. A study of the Cuban Journal of Public Health indicates the following:

Lack of connection: Sometimes, minors do not find common ground with the new couple who comes to live, which causes rejection.Disavowal: Accepting the authority of someone outside the original family may be difficult for some children. This is a common source of conflict.Rejection by minors: An infant might reject the presence of his new guardian for many reasons; for example, missing their other parent, differences in treatment or adjustment difficulties.Social priorities: The time each member of the couple spends with their children changes, as do their priorities. Although this is usually the result of a change in routine, it is often perceived as abandonment and jealousy arises.Interference from the previous couple: The fact that the ex-partner has the power to modify the relationships in the new family unit (payment of pensions, visits, agreements, etc.) also requires management oriented towards parental co-responsibility.

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What do I do if I have conflicts over unusual children in my home?

It is to be expected that some conflict will arise when starting to live with non-common children, both between the minors themselves and between them and their guardians. Nevertheless, By managing these situations well, it is possible to reach agreements and even strengthen the situation. Let’s go with some tips to achieve it.

1. Work on communication

These changes are difficult for everyone. Therefore, it is important to put our cards on the table and address the problems to find common solutions. To achieve this, it is essential that everyone can express themselves freely and that no one cancels the feelings of others.

Remember that you and your partner must be an example of empathy, active listening and proactivity.

2. Respect each other’s family structure

Until the new family dynamics and cohabitation relationships settle in, it is not a good idea to interfere in how your partner relates to their children. Also set limits to the opposite situation. Interactions between both “sides” must be built reciprocally, not through intrusion.

3. Find common ground

One of the best ways to build positive relationships is through quality time. Surely there are similar tastes among the step-siblings or between the children and the new guardian, activities of interest or even topics of conversation. In this way, conflicts with unusual children will be addressed from a less defensive attitude, as trust is built little by little.

4. Set limits

It is important that minors are able to express themselves in a safe environment (especially when they have not chosen it). However, You should not tolerate disrespect of any kind. Communicate with your children to make this clear and contact your partner for when other people’s children are the ones who cross those limits.

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5. Create bonds of union

Let’s choose to establish bridges and draw lines that unite family members. Use empathy, generosity along with assertive communication, It generates messages that are better accepted. A negotiation is always more fruitful than an attack. Therefore, a job in communication broadens horizons and shapes minds.

6. Look for solutions, not blame

Confrontation in times of stress and change pushes, unconsciously, to look for blame so that others can solve the problem. This tendency is also less worked on in children due to their young age.

It must be the tutors who establish the proactive attitude, to prevent conflicts over other people’s children from leading to negative dynamics and escalations of aggressiveness.

The last tip for managing conflicts over unusual children

Finally, it is useful to remember that trying to rebuild a family life does not have to be done alone. Family mediation, family psychologists and specialized organizations are services that can be used, to achieve a positive coexistence.

In the event of any situation out of control or lack of strength, do not hesitate to look for new tools that will allow you to rebuild your life.