What to do if I have a child with a narcissist

Having a child with a narcissist is a possibility. There are those who point out that this personality pattern only increases every year, like obesity or hypertension. The truth is that there is no conclusive data on this, but what is evident is that growing up in an environment with these figures causes damage.

Lack of empathy, selfishness, tendency to manipulate, vanity, no resources for emotional management and even greed. There are many characteristics that sculpt and sharpen these individuals until they become dangerous. Therefore, the impact that a narcissistic father or mother can have on a child’s psychosocial development can be as harmful as it is traumatic.

People who have a child with a person with this type of personality disorder should take that risk factor into account.. It is true that this psychological condition falls within a spectrum. There will be narcissists you can live with. In other cases, we will be forced to separate, to break up that relationship.

If we have children in common with that person, we will have to face what shared parenting will be like. Taking into account some basic strategies to safeguard the well-being of children is essential.

We can’t always choose who we fall in love with. However, we must take care of what the shared parenting of our children will be like.

Having a child with a narcissist: aspects that we must take into account

We increasingly have more scientific documentation on the subject. We know that There is a relationship between the narcissism of the father or mother and the psychological vulnerability of the children. Research work, such as those carried out at the Sapienza University of Rome, demonstrates this characteristic.

Raising a narcissistic parent increases the child’s risk of developing depression and anxiety. What’s more, there are many adults who go through their lives carrying with them the imprint of a trauma. The weight of that bond from yesterday linked to a selfish personality that, far from providing him with a safe environment in which to grow, stole his childhood and filled him with insecurities.

There is, therefore, a high risk that they will not be good fathers or mothers. What to do if we have had a child with a narcissist? Not only is there a fear that the child’s psychosocial and emotional development will be affected. We also fear that the narcissism of the father or mother will creep into the child itself.. It is necessary to adopt a series of strategies. We analyze them.

Restrict contact with the narcissist and focus on your needs and those of your child

Many people often blame themselves for not having realized the personality of their partner or ex-partner before. Those with whom they now share the upbringing of one or more children. In these cases, it is decisive to focus on what is most important, which is your own well-being and that of the little ones. Let us no longer undermine our self-esteem by reproaching ourselves for realities that we could not foresee.

Self-care, strengthening our self-love and healing possible wounds from yesterday as a result of that relationship is essential. We have a shared upbringing ahead of us with a narcissist and that requires good emotional preparation.

Restricting contact with that figure is the first step. Let’s count on the support of family and friends to deal with all the legal and personal issues in that process.

Establish a shared parenting and education plan

The likelihood is that there will be complications, little harmony and many disagreements. However, it is essential that we make it clear with the narcissistic partner or ex-partner what the education of that or those children will be like. Especially if we don’t already share a life together.

From the stays in each home to extracurricular activities, the rules and discipline in raising the child will be established. It is relevant that there is an agreement on these educational aspects. And if we put it in writing, the better.

Stay calm and avoid fights or arguments in front of children

We know that narcissists are skilled strategists when it comes to mentally and emotionally destabilizing others. Arguments, disagreements, criticism and blackmail are your best resource to have power.

Above all, let us avoid falling into the trap of fighting in front of children, We do not create atmospheres where only threat and confrontation are breathed.

Promote and develop good emotional intelligence in your children

Parents with this personality disorder tend to drain the emotions of all the figures in their environment. Thus, One of the risks of having a child with a narcissist is that he invalidates all of the child’s emotions.. What the child feels and needs does not matter, what that authority figure wants matters.

It is a priority that, from a very early age, we develop a good emotional education in the little ones. Let’s validate what they feel, let’s teach them to understand, express and manage each emotion and feeling.

Support your children’s interests

Something that appears with high frequency in narcissistic parenting is that children end up being a “prosthesis” of the parents.. That is, they are obliged to fulfill the dreams that they did not achieve. They must adjust to your expectations, desires and personal goals. On average, these parents belittle and devalue the child’s own interests.

Every good father and mother must promote the development of their child’s identity and personality. This requires knowing and respecting their interests and giving them strengths to achieve their own goals. In this way, it is vital that we stand up as those reinforcers of daily dreams, as encouragers of dreams and not vetoers of interests and desires.

Let’s establish good communication with our children to know their needs.

If you have a child with a narcissist, encourage their empathy and self-esteem

There is a high risk that our children will develop the same profile of narcissism as that parent with said disorder. PNAS magazine (Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences) conducted a study to demonstrate that, in many cases, upbringing and education is a risk factor for the development of this trait. Knowing this, let’s not leave aside the following goals in their upbringing and education:

Let’s encourage children to develop good empathy, to be able to put themselves in the place of others. Let’s develop healthy self-esteem in them. Let’s teach them to tolerate frustration. Children must understand that in life there are limits, that they cannot have everything. what they want.

Let’s ask for specialized help if we need it

Last, and no less decisive, let’s consider the possibility of requesting specialized help. Co-parenting with a narcissist is not an easy task. On the one hand, there is our own wear and tear in the relationship with said person. We may carry aspects that we have not yet healed or overcome. On the other hand, there are the discrepancies and disagreements that usually arise in this type of situation.

Likewise, there are the children themselves and their needs. They are the ones who matter most, let’s not hesitate to turn to professionals to guide and support us in these circumstances.

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