What is self-compassion?

Self-compassion is the ability to be kind and understanding with oneself, especially when we make a mistake or failure. Next let’s see what its benefits are and how to promote it.

If you are one of those people who punishes yourself harshly for a mistake; one speaks harshly when one has done something one should not do; or says a series of negative labels to yourself, then you require a dose of self-pity, a necessary skill to value yourself as a person and feel better about yourself.

Let’s see then, what this skill consists of and how we can promote it.

What is self-compassion?

As its name suggests, self-compassion It is the ability to be kind and understanding with oneself.especially when we make a mistake or error, or when we feel insufficient.

In this sense, self-compassion serves as a balm for the soul, which relieves the suffering arising from feelings of inadequacy and self-devaluation, helping us cope with adverse situations.

However, we should not confuse self-pity with self-indulgence. The latter refers to the feeling of shame or pity towards oneself, especially in situations perceived as adverse, which do nothing to help one deal with and overcome obstacles.

Components of self-compassion

American psychologist and professor at the University of Texas at Austin, Kristin Neff is one of the most representative authors and researchers on self-compassion and has written more than 40 articles that talk about this skill and its benefits.

According to the specialist, Self-compassion is made up of three main elementsnamely:

Self-kindness: which involves being warm with oneself in situations of pain or personal failures, instead of ignoring them or hurting oneself with self-criticism.common humanity: which refers to the recognition and acceptance that suffering and personal failure are part of the shared human experience and that they do not isolate us.Mindfulness: involves taking a balanced approach to negative emotions so that feelings are not repressed or exaggerated. In this sense, negative thoughts and emotions are observed candidly, so that they remain in full awareness.

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That said, it is pertinent to bring up the concept of full consciousness, which refers to a receptive and non-judgmental state of mind where people observe their thoughts and feelings as they are, without trying to repress or deny them.

The benefits of self-compassion

Research has shown that self-compassionate people experience greater psychological health compared to those who do not practice self-compassion.

For example, self-compassion has been shown It is associated with life satisfaction, wisdom, happiness, optimism, curiositypersonal responsibility and emotional resilience.

Likewise, it is positively associated with a less tendency toward self-criticism, depression, anxiety, rumination, perfectionism, and disordered eating attitudes.

It has even been found that self-compassionate people have a less tendency to suffer from inflammatory processes.

In addition to this, we can mention the following benefits:

Greater empathy and compassion towards others. As we become kinder and more compassionate with ourselves, we learn to be kinder and more compassionate with others as well. This contributes to the establishment of healthier and more lasting personal relationships.Self-knowledge. Self-compassion also allows us to be more aware of our thoughts and emotional states, which undoubtedly expands our awareness of ourselves.Personal growth. To the extent that we are compassionate with ourselves in the face of any failure, we will be more likely to learn from these situations and move forward. On the other hand, when we reproach ourselves or punish ourselves for our mistakes, we remain stuck in the negative, thus preventing our growth as people.

5 exercises to be more self-compassionate

Since we know the benefits of self-compassion, it is vital that we learn to develop it. To do this, we suggest some exercises designed to encourage self-kindness, mindfulness, and feelings of common humanity. These are:

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Write a letter to yourself

This exercise involves bringing to mind an aspect or facet of yourself that you believe is an imperfection and that makes you feel inadequate. Once aware of this, Write a letter as if it were being written by an unconditional imaginary friend.

After that, Read it carefully and focus on the compassionate words and the comforting feelings they awaken.. Subsequently, in any adverse situation, try to speak to yourself as you did in that letter.

How would you treat a friend?

Imagine that a very dear friend made a mistake or is going through a difficult situation. WhatWhat would you say to that friend? How would you comfort him?

After you answer this question Compare and contrast how you would act and what you would say to yourself if you were in a similar situation. Would you treat yourself the same way? If this is not your case, strive to apply the same compassion that you applied with your partner, but this time towards yourself.

Be aware of your internal dialogue

This exercise is intended to be performed over several weeks and whenever necessary. Consists in Be attentive and reflect on the way we talk to ourselves when we make mistakes or criticize ourselves..

In these cases, If you catch yourself saying a negative phrase, rephrase it into a more compassionate expression.. For example, if you say to yourself “I’m no good at anything,” change that phrase to “I admit I’m not very good at this, but I can be if I set my mind to it.”

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Write a diary

This exercise involves keeping a journal for a few days in order to reflect on difficult experiences, self-criticism and other stressors.

To do this, analyze everything you write through the lens of personal kindness (using soft, comforting language to respond to the event); through mindfulness (being aware of the negative emotions caused by the situation) and through common humanity (recognizing how the experience is part of the human condition).

Identify other ways to motivate yourself

If you think that self-criticism is a way to motivate yourself, the ideal is that you try find a kinder, gentler and more supportive way to make the desired change. Therefore, be aware of how self-criticism works in your life and try to find more compassionate alternatives to move forward. Such as, self-care.

To conclude, we highlight that self-compassion is a skill that requires having the ability to forgive oneself, accept oneself as we are and be fully aware of the negative feelings that arise in oneself. Although for some this may be a challenge, it is undoubtedly a necessary process to guarantee our mental health.