The relief of letting go of control

There is an ocean of difference between maintaining control and being controlling.… Our survival instinct requires us to try to keep situations under control, because we do not usually tolerate uncertainty well… You do not know what will happen or if we can face the consequences, it is something that generates us too much despair, especially on some occasions…

Some people are not satisfied with this. They want to be decisive in all situations: indicate the direction, decide the route to follow and say the last word. And not only when they are present, but also at a distance (“remote control”). Those people are the controllers.

Controller Traits

The person who chooses to be controlling suffers enormous emotional expense. One of his most notable traits is constant worry. However, this concern rarely becomes a planned action to resolve the cause of the distress. Their thing is rather to stress without acting. He wastes a lot of time trying to convince others to be like him.

The controller He is also an irritable person.. He carries a lot of anxiety within him and sometimes the smallest problems manage to get him mad. He is mainly bothered by the fact that someone contradicts him, that another thinks or acts in a different way than he would. They do not respect visions or realities different from their own.

He also tends to have a catastrophic view of life. You see dangers and negative consequences everywhere. This reinforces his controlling position, supposedly because he tries to avoid greater evils. Ultimately, the controller He is a deeply insecure person.. Fears have taken over him and he often has strong feelings of inferiority. He compensates them like this: by trying to control everything.

Also They are usually invaded by guilt and have a hard time enjoying life.. They hardly laugh and rarely act spontaneously. It is not unusual to see them sad and dejected, because they also have a low tolerance for frustration.

How to free yourself from yourself?

The controller lives in a prison that he himself has built. You can’t stop being the way you are, simply by setting your mind to it. This is because there are many fears inside you that you may not have recognized, or against which you feel too vulnerable.

The first thing is that: identify the sources of fear. Finally, what is the threat? How real are these dangers over which we must have the greatest control? Are you defending yourself from your environment or is it possible that you are defending yourself from your own destructive impulses towards others?

Sooner or later, A controlling person also becomes irritating to others. His attitude generates rejection because no healthy person likes to have a guard, supposedly a know-it-all, by their side. At that point, the controller has no choice but to isolate himself or use aggression to subdue others. No one comes out of this type of situation well in the end.

The controller’s life is sad. And the best thing he can do for himself is to try to carry out completely free activities: ones that do not have a defined objective, nor involve competition with others, nor involve significant costs. We are talking about recreational or artistic activities, which have value on their own and do not pursue a utilitarian purpose.

If you are in that group of people, fight to free yourself from yourself. Maybe losing control is the only way to gain wholeness. The first step is to accept it, to know that we have these characteristics to later initiate the change, since what we deny submits us but what we accept has the ability to transform us…

Acceptance

The acceptance process and the need for control conflict the vast majority of the time they meet. “Why do I have to accept it?” “I don’t like it like this.”… These are questions and complaints that we hear very often. Accepting is not synonymous with remaining passive in the face of what happens. As some mistakenly say: “To accept is to swallow and resign yourself to what happens.” Accepting is not “swallowing” or resigning with what happens in our daily lives.

When something happens that upsets us, accepting it consists of observing the event itself and the emotion it triggers in us. Observe carefully, without getting involved, without clinging to the anger that it may cause us. Analyzing the situation can make us understand that we do not have control over everything. In this way, instead of protesting and suffering every time something happens that we don’t like, we will be aware that life is not made in our image and likeness.

Our ego tells us that everything must be a certain form, but life doesn’t care about our ego. Life continues its course without taking into account our tastes. So the best way to begin the acceptance process is to know that trying to adapt life to us will always bring us problems because everything is changing. So that, It is healthier and healthier to learn to adapt to possible changes in life..

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