Most of the emails I get are from women who can’t get over the end of a relationship and who see being alone as a losing battle.
It is part of our culture for a woman to only be successful if she has a partner, children, etc., no matter if she is happy aloneif she has college, graduate, a good job, a great family and super friends, none of that is worth it if she doesn’t have someone on her side.
In children’s cartoons, movies and soap operas, everything ends up in marriage, children and the famous “they lived happily ever after”. Even Vinicius de Moraes in his song Wave says that “it is impossible to be happy alone”. And who has never heard phrases like: “I’m looking for the lid of my pan” or “half my orange”.
We create the false idea that we are incomplete beings and that’s why we will spend our whole lives trying to find this other half. As end of relationship (we lose) and we go back to being “incomplete”, as if we were by herself It was a disability that causes shame and that is why it is common to avoid family parties for fear of “that” “gossip” aunt asking about her boyfriend, ashamed of friends, neighbors and even the dog that makes that little face that she feels sorry for you . We hide, we blame ourselves and we suffer, we suffer a lot.
Often the pain is not for the person we lost, but for the loneliness that caused The point is that if we don’t have happiness alone, we won’t get it together, because the fear of loneliness it is so great that we suffocate a relationship that could work (jealousy) or in the worst case accept any kind of relationship (violence).
I’m not saying that we should be alone, but that our happiness cannot depend on the other, so we need to have emotional independence, which comes with better self-esteem. Got an afternoon off work? Why not enjoy the empty movie theater or sit in a cafe to enjoy life, instead of going home because you don’t have company.
If you are by herself by choice or by chance, take advantage of this moment to get to know yourself, enjoy yourself and love yourself, because no one will take better care of you than yourself.
Psychologist graduated in Brief Psychoanalytic Psychotherapy from FMUSP, owner of People Coaching and Organizational Development – a company focused on Coaching and Organizational Development and Training Projects. She performs care for adults and couples in an office and Online Psychological Guidance. CRP: 06/91301
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