What is learned helplessness and what to do about it?

The experience of learned helplessness in victims who suffer abuse is a common phenomenon. This explains, for example, why in these very harmful relational dynamics, the person is unable to react to behavior that threatens their physical and emotional integrity. They are undoubtedly very complex situations that we must know how to understand.

Being sensitive to this type of reality is undoubtedly a fundamental element. In some way, something that many people who do not know closely the delicate universe of abuse in a couple wonder is why whoever is a victim of any type of abuse is not capable of issuing any type of response that will put an end to that situation. Learned helplessness is in most cases the main response.

As striking as it may seem to us, It is very easy to fall into these types of spirals of pain and absolute violation. It is because despite the obvious damage, love exists. A misunderstood, harmful and toxic love, it is true, but love nonetheless. In turn, a bond appears based on dependency, also on fear and on that inability to see clearly objectively what is happening.

We must understand that being continually exposed to stressful situations also ends up affecting psychological and emotional stability. The brain often disconnects, gets used to it, and assumes that it has lost control of everything around it.. Let us therefore delve into these types of circumstances.

Learned helplessness in the relationship

Learned helplessness in psychology shapes that mental state by which a person begins to tolerate aversive and even painful situations without reacting.. They are harmful circumstances that repeat constantly and where the victim assumes that it no longer matters what he does, he has no control over anything and the only option left is to adapt without issuing any type of response.

It’s like the child who has always failed math throughout primary school. When he reaches secondary school, he gives up on this subject by telling himself that no matter what he does, the same thing will always happen. It is also the thought that is applied by those who are going through depression.: What’s the point of leaving the house or starting some change if everything is going to make me feel bad?

No mental and behavioral approach can be so harmful to human beings. This dimension was defined by Martin Seligman and his team in 1975.trying to explain with this, a part of that psychosocial behavior where people show surrender under certain circumstances.

Learned helplessness and violence in the couple

One of the best specialists in the field of intimate partner violence related to learned helplessness is Leonore E. Walker.. In books like The battered woman syndrome It explains to us what this type of psychological anatomy is based on.

Continuous exposure to violence causes the victim to end up modifying their responses.In the end, it is assumed that it is better not to do, not to say and not to make any response not only to avoid suffering, but also to not even think about it.

In this way, we can assume that learned helplessness acts in three ways.

Motivational helplessness: lack of response to find a way to leave behind or defend oneself from a negative situation.Cognitive helplessness: The victim’s thoughts assume that everything is out of their control.Emotional helplessness: depressed state, with a lack of motivation due to the belief that nothing can be done in the face of that adverse circumstance.

The cycle of violence and how learned helplessness develops

Learned helplessness gradually builds up in the victim’s brain. It is a highly painful process where finally, this defense mechanism is integrated almost as a safeguard to stop suffering, to stop reacting to an event where it is assumed that the best thing is to surrender. However, We must be clear, giving up is the worst thing that can happen.

On average, the cycle of violence is based on the following dynamics:

Physical and/or psychological abuse appears: aggression, jealousy, insults, etc.The victim begins to experience the impact of these events on a continuous basis. He realizes that if he reacts, he runs the risk of suffering them again in a more intense way. The abuser, on average, can later show a behavior of regret and a promise that it will not happen again. The other person believes it and continues the relationship. However, Soon a violent episode occurs again and the victim then assumes that there is no way out. The best thing is to accept the situation and not react.

How to overcome learned helplessness?

Learned helplessness is a psychological prison from which we can and must escape. What is needed in these cases is all the support possible, both from specialized professionals and from the person’s closest environment. The situation of emotional helplessness that victims of intimate partner violence experience is often immense.

In these situations, psychological therapy is essential. You will have to face the impact of a trauma, having in many cases to rebuild your own identity, self-esteem and recover many of those basic social skills such as assertiveness to find your own strengths with which to move forward. In addition, Legal support will be essential to protect the victim and separate her from her abuser.

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