What can I do when I feel envy?

“I feel envy” is not a phrase that is easily expressed, as it is a feeling that expresses the desire to possess or be like another person.. This feeling, on many occasions, is expressed through rejection, reproach and criticism towards the envied person.

We could say that Feeling envy generates a negative attitude towards the person or situations envied.when, in reality, the deep feeling that causes envy is the attraction of what the other person has and we do not.

Why do I feel envy?

Feeling envy puts us in a situation of contempt for ourselves. Thus, that same is the origin of envy, the inadequate self-concept that we have of ourselves.

When our self-esteem is low, we do not feel capable of getting what we want and we do not feel satisfied with who we are. At the same time, neither We see ourselves capable of changing to become who we want to be.

For this, when we meet people who have what we want and not see the possibility of getting it for ourselves, They stir us inside. We end up expressing towards them the anger, frustration and dissatisfaction we feel with ourselves, in the form of rejection, criticism and reproaches.

Alberto Acosta (2017), professor of Psychology at the University of Granada, states that when we feel envy “We long for something that another person possesses and We believe that it is unfair that that person has it and we do not.“. He adds that the obsessive and self-destructive nature of envy can make the envious person suffer a lot and “not realizing your good virtues or your magnificent personal qualities or your good situation”.

What can I learn?

It is important to know how to identify envy to learn from it and recognize that we feel dissatisfied with ourselves. From there, we can consider a personal change in search of lost satisfaction, exploring ourselves again and discovering the capabilities that are hidden deep within us.

It would be very good channel envy into admiration, a feeling that makes us learn from others, observing their positive and courageous attitudes, through which they have reached where they have set out to be. Admiring others involves stopping negatively comparing ourselves with them and, instead, recognizing those virtues, talents or abilities that we would like to cultivate in ourselves and begin to carry out this task.

Admiration allows us to feel good about ourselves. It is useful to develop a treatment towards ourselves from the attitude of self-improvement and personal growth, proposing to go where others have already gone and recognizing in ourselves all the capacities and abilities necessary to improve ourselves and learn.

From Buddhism, one of the antidotes to combat envy is rejoicing in the success of others. Instead of feeling frustration and anger, learning to be genuinely happy for others will bring us a higher level of happiness.

From Buddhism the conception of love is to wish happiness and the causes of happiness to all beings. Buddhist teacher Lama Rinchen lists some of the benefits of loving-kindness meditation:

Increases life satisfaction.Reduces self-criticism.Fosters social connection.Cultivates interest in the needs of others.Increases positive emotions.

Projecting our life

Admiration can mean personal projection through others. It is an attitude that allows us to dream further than we would have been able to alone. This is because observing and recognizing the achievements of others can be a enhancer of personal motivation to go further, to improve ourselves and to continue growing.

Projecting our life is necessary. For this to fulfill us, it is important to look for models, to admire those who have already managed to achieve their dreams and desires. So that Following his example, we can continue our path towards our best version.

Far from envy and rejection towards the envied people, With admiration there is a rapprochement with people, since we admit and recognize their achievements and virtues.showing interest in learning from them and with them.

making changes

Without a doubt, in order to admire, it is necessary to feel comfortable with ourselves, recognizing our abilities and our attitude to learning. It will be necessary to feel like a person capable of planning and dreaming, and of course, of getting where we want. For example, how far is the person we admire and becoming who we want to be and achieving what we want to have.

Avoiding narcissism and victimhood

Often, envy is maintained over time due to 2 very important factors: the need to be better than others and the excuse that you can’t achieve it. This competitiveness, which goes hand in hand with victimhood, only achieves stagnation at one point in our lives while we watch others move forward without apparent problems.

Surround yourself with people who help you improve

Being accompanied by envious people, gossiping about the lives of others on social networks, criticizing out of hobby, all of these are vital circumstances and decisions that do nothing but feed unhealthy envy. Remember that the only cut note in your life should be you and that your choice of social group is essential to complete a healthy image of yourself.

Definitely, If we don’t like ourselves and want to change inspired by the people we admire, first of all we have to recognize our possibilities for change. -which we all have- and then project that change that we want in ourselves. And you, do you dare?

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