3 risks of cyber relationships that you need to know

Cyber relationships carry risks, both due to the other’s possible lies and due to a mechanism of self-deception. We will tell you more about it.

Many couples are formed today through the Internet. In many cases, long-lasting and healthy relationships emerge, but there are also countless cases that fall into online deception. The dangers of cyber relationships are the order of the day.

We all know that there are a large number of people who lie online. Behind a screen there is a tendency to show off, to show only the good and to hide defects as much as possible.

However, When we see a person face to face, we are seeing both the virtues and the defects what’s wrong with it. Therefore, if we like someone and there is an affinity, an illusion will be created in us that will have the intensity inversely proportional to the defects we see in them.

The fewer defects we see, the more hope and the more infatuation there will be.. The more defects we see, the more the intensity of the feelings will decrease, even if we continue to like the person.

What happens when the relationship is not face to face?

When we are contacting someone through a screen, we do not see something very important such as non-verbal language.

It is good to know someone internally online, but we have to be aware that this is only one part that has to be complemented with another more important part, which is meeting in person. Only when the two facets (cyber and real) come together, can we say that we really like someone.

We have all seen around or on a television program, people who say they are in love with someone they do not know in person. That’s not real, those feelings are a product of the imagination. That fantasy is fed by pleasant texts that we receive through a screen. Since there is no reality that we can see, the mind invents it, idealizing the other and creating the prototype that we long for.

The love of the Internet has brought problems to many people who wonder how it is possible to have suffered from something that was not real.

Also there are countless disappointmentsthat the photos that someone showed did not resemble the real image, and the sensitivity and understanding that he gave off in writing was not perceived in person.

Thus It is best not to prolong cyber contactsbecause the sooner we see reality and deal with the person face to face, the sooner we will have our feet on the ground.

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Most common social risks

For its part, there are a variety of social risks when entering into a cyber romantic relationship. Among them:

That the person on the other side of the monitor is not who they say they are or does not live as they say they live.. The reality is that the same thing can happen to you offline. To avoid misleading lies, try to contact them as soon as possible via webcam, for example, to check that the photos on the site correspond to the person you are talking to (or are current).That your interlocutor does not live as he claims, that he is not single when he says he is, among others.. No one guarantees that a person will tell the truth, whether on a dating site or in a bar. Ask everything you need to know to be calm; If the other person is bothered by your curiosity, it may not be as transparent as you want for your life.That you encounter an online stalker. Some sites have a mechanism that allows you to block a user who you feel is bothering you. Likewise, if you see that there is any inconvenient behavior on the part of another person, you can report it to the site’s security team who will take the corresponding measures.

Why are emotions stronger online?

Many claim to have had much stronger feelings with someone on the Internet than in reality. That is because face-to-face relationships have reality coveredsince the eyes see what is there and there is no room for imagination as great as there is in purely virtual cases.

Instead, When the eyes have not seen reality, the mind begins to imagine and create a figure idealized of what you would like to find, of the ideal person for you. All of this is activated unconsciously. Thus, little by little, one enters into an illusion that increases until it reaches a strong intensity that can harm more than necessary.

I have known cases that have suffered with cyber relationships. Once they have understood what the mind does when it does not have enough real information, they have managed to put their feet on the ground and stop these types of false feelings.

Talking to someone online without having seen them in person is like entering a fantasy world. The people most vulnerable to falling into the dangers of cyber relationships will be those who have a tendency to be dreamers and are dissatisfied with their real lives.

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5 tips if you decide to look for cyber relationships

If, despite everything, you are willing to look for a partner over the Internet or if you think you have already found one, It never hurts to be cautious and take into account some tips:

1. Be realistic

When you start to have feelings for someone, Remember that if you have not seen him in person it is not validbecause your mind, not having real information like it would have face to face, will tend to idealize and create an unreal figure of the other.

When you already imagine your life with that person, what day-to-day life will be like, everyday situations, etc., without having lived them and even knowing if that is going to be like that, it means that you are idealizing that person. Don’t confuse fiction with reality.

2. Take another step

It is advisable not to establish exclusively virtual relationships. It’s okay to start getting to know someone like this, but let it not be the only way of contact. The stage of getting to know each other through a screen always has to have the intention of seeing each other in person in the short term.

Obviously, you must first make sure that the person you are meeting is real, and if there may be danger. The safest thing is to always let friends or family know that you are going to meet that person, because of what may happen.

Furthermore, after the first meetings, try to get to know the other person’s close environment (friends and family). This will help you determine the veracity of what they have told you and rule out the possibility that they are a dangerous person or with bad intentions.

3. Look for closeness

Do not start contacts with someone who lives in another country. I have known cases of people who have fallen in love with someone they cannot see because they live in another country. They have been in cyber contact for years, suffering for a love that cannot be because each one has their life and work in their country and they cannot move. They get hooked on an imaginary platonic love.

4. Do not be fooled or deceived

We must forget about married people or people with a partner, even if they say that the relationship is about to go bad. Many fall into deceptions of this type, they swear that although they have a partner, they are not doing well and are about to separate. But what they try is to convince in order to be unfaithful. With so many people to meet, why take a chance with someone who brings complications right from the start?

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5. Be careful

Keep in mind that you never know who you may be talking to. We can all be kind, loving, attentive and almost perfect through a screen, but someone who has a psychological disorder can hide behind that he cannot relate well with others in real life or that he invents an unreal life tailored to himself.

The dangers of cyber relationships increase when real life is unsatisfactory, since what is sought is what has not been achieved in reality. You have to be careful because just as there are honest people on the Internet who are worth it, there is also the opposite side, sick and deceptive.

What does the research say?

In a research carried out by Rodríguez and Rodríguez (2016) address the Anglo-Saxon concept “stalking”, which means observing, for example, the other’s social networks in order to delve deeper into the person. However, it does not stop there, but “stalking” has a hint of espionagethat is, it is “exhaustively review the wall, photos, posts and comments made and received”.

The authors state that “we found that social networks increase the need of those who are in love with have a broader knowledge of the other’s world, their friendships, their ex-partners, their past, their present“. This can lead to a significant problem in cyber relationships, since by not sharing personal experiences, one member of the couple (or both) can become obsessed with what appears on the other’s social networks.

The only reality that exists for them on the Internet, therefore, what they see is their world. If one of the two sees something that bothers them, that they don’t like, By not being face to face, mistrust can begin. And hence something as dangerous as control. That is why we must be careful with long-distance relationships. In the same way that we can be surprised by the strong bond established, we can also fall into an obsession with control that gets out of hand.