Vengeful people: characteristics and how to handle them

Vengeful people follow the old law of retaliation to the letter: “eye by eye, tooth by tooth”. Some serve revenge cold and without haste, like Edmond Dantes. Others look for any hasty ruse to turn their anger on the culprit of their grievance and thus find some sense of relief or reparation.

Deception, betrayal, physical or moral attacks… There are many reasons why someone can feel that impulse full of rage and pain. However, this perception of an offense suffered always starts from a very specific dimension: the loss of one’s own integrity.

Likewise, there is something obvious. The person who wants revenge longs to inflict the same damage suffered on the other, thinking that this way he or she will feel better.. But this does not always happen; Not in all cases serenity or a sense of justice is achieved. Generating in others the same pain that they caused us places us, in many cases, at the same moral level.

As explained by Dr. Michael McCullough, a psychologist at the University of Miami and an expert in the mechanisms of revenge and forgiveness, we all understand 100% the idea of ​​wanting to hurt someone who hurts us. However, what stops us from falling into this behavior is impulse control, ethical principles and emotional regulation.

Without those dimensions we would be animals in a concrete jungle.

What are vengeful people like?

Revenge is the backbone of a large number of titles in our literature and film scripts.. Let us remember Hamlet avenging the death of his father, the aforementioned Count of Monte Cristo, the unforgettable character of Heathcliff in Wuthering Heights or the successful saga Millennium. In the cinema, Kill Bill or John Wick quickly come to mind, but we could name dozens more…

All of this reveals to us that if there is one human emotion that we often connect with, it is revenge. We know that in real life it is not legal to act as Lisbeth Salander does in Millennium. However, it satisfies us because we empathize with their motives. However, The problem comes when we have to deal with vengeful people in real life.

In our daily lives, these behaviors are not always understandable and can even generate fear.. An example of this is the couple who does not accept the breakup and initiates threatening behavior. Also the co-worker who, for reasons unknown to us, starts a campaign of harassment against us.

Characteristics that define vengeful people

There is a revealing fact that is worth remembering. There is a psychological trait that differentiates vengeful people from those who, despite having been wronged, know how to forgive: narcissism. Indeed, research work, such as those carried out at the University of Oklahoma, shows that the most vengeful profiles present a narcissistic personality disorder.

This explains several things. One of them is that there are those who can feel hurt by clearly selfish, trivial and even incomprehensible aspects. Their ego is so sensitive that anything offends them and they do not hesitate to seek revenge.

Jealousy, insecurities and negative thoughts. Vengeful people experience this drive because of their insecurities and low self-esteem. Sometimes, simply seeing others succeed awakens their frustration and desire to do harm.Lack of empathy and difficulty managing emotions. Another variable that defines this profile is the inability to manage emotions such as anger. When they feel angry, they do not hesitate to put that irrational drive on others as a cathartic mechanism.Display of power and sadism. This is another darker and worrying factor. Sometimes, vengeful people carry out harmful acts for the mere pleasure of causing harm and also imposing their power on others.

How to act when faced with vengeful people?

Most of us empathize with many of those revenge stories that movies bring us. But literature, like series and movies, are nothing more than a way of projecting ourselves into realities that, as we well know, are not always permissible in our daily lives. As Confucius pointed out, before embarking on a journey of revenge, dig two graves.

One can seek justice through legal mechanisms, but never revenge through violent acts. That is why we must be careful with this profile, because if there is something that defines a good part of vengeful people, it is acting out of irrationality. How can we defend ourselves against these problematic profiles?

It is important to consider that Men and women who move under this impulse may show a personality disorder.. Whoever is moved by the drive of resentment and obsesses over causing harm shows a potential risk from which we must protect ourselves. In this sense, it is advisable to distance ourselves whenever possible.

It is not worth confronting or confronting them. Their lack of empathy will only intensify our discomfort and despair. They are dangerous figures that it is better not to have around. As Albert Einstein said, weak people take revenge; the strong ones forgive. Smart people ignore. Let’s keep it in mind.

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