Understand why cultivating friendships is fundamental to living well

It is no coincidence that friendship is so important to human beings. It’s the friends who hold us in our arms, speak those truths that we have difficulty telling ourselves, they are part of our story, in short, they are always by our side. “If we think evolutionarily, friendship is part of the survival instinct, because, once grouped together, man does things faster and better”, explains psychologist Antonio Carlos Amador Pereira.

Antonio Carlos also sees friendship as a two-way street. “If I have a friend, it means that I am also someone who is available to listen and share things.” But, in addition to welcoming, the partner should feel free to say what he thinks. “There needs to be space in the relationship to expose your point of view to the other”, he emphasizes.

Surrounded by support, sincerity and trust, the friendship gear packs. It’s inevitable. However, some ties are more enduring than others. There are friends that we go months and even years without seeing and when we meet again we feel that time has not passed. Others, on the contrary, join our life for a certain period and then follow a solo career. “Friendship is a matter of harmony🇧🇷 But people change and end up losing that connection. It is common, for example, to meet a friend from high school and remember school times. However, it is clear that life has changed for both of them and that relationship is in the past”, evaluates the psychologist.

Depending on the stage of life, we will have different expectations regarding the circle of friends. “When we are young, the group occupies a much larger space. With the arrival of maturity and the obligations imposed by work and marriage, there is a decrease in social interaction due to lack of time. Therefore, the dynamic of friendship changes, but it continues to exist”, says anthropologist and professor Barcellos.

According to the anthropologist, romantic relationships can also, in some cases, weaken the bond of camaraderie, since the partner takes on the role of listener and intimate advisor or occupies a prominent place on the list of priorities for a while. “It is common for friends to move away when one of them starts a romantic relationship. But it is very important to continue establishing and deepening fraternal bonds at the same time”, she emphasizes.

In tumultuous days like today, cultivating friends often becomes a mission surrounded by strategies. Which isn’t all bad. From this need, very interesting arrangements can arise, such as, for example, weekly, fortnightly or monthly meetings in bars, restaurants, places or even at friends’ houses. The idea is simple, but it only works if everyone shows up – there’s no point in hiding behind excuses – and transforms these moments into real rituals.

Friendship: a bond that needs constant care

Having many friends requires breath. It’s not easy to stay available and present. With that, demands appear, and with them, feelings like jealousy and competitiveness🇧🇷 Since they exist, how to get around them without the bombs being activated? “It is fundamental to know what is expected and what can be offered to someone. Before charging, we need to remember that friendship is a two-way street. It is also important to keep in mind that a friend is fallible, which requires tolerance”, advises psychology professor Antonio Carlos Amador Pereira, from São Paulo.

For him, the biggest disappointment is realizing that a loved one has turned his back on us. Roberta, on the other hand, sees conflicts erupt when socializing with her friends intensifies. “The defect of one, the problem of another starts to bother us”, she confesses.

Thus, frank dialogue remains the best remedy for the ills of relationships🇧🇷 As long as he exists, our friendships will be safe. There is only no solution for cases affected by structural damage. “What determines the end of a friendship is not envy or jealousy, but the lack of reciprocity and trust”, guarantees anthropologist Barcellos Rezende.

After all, does the world wide web isolate or bring people together? “I see no distinction between a relationship cultivated on the internet and one established face-to-face, as long as both are permeated by trust, support, mutual attention and intimacy”, argues , with a caveat. “It is only necessary to redouble the attention with regard to trust when establishing a new friend on the network.”

Pollyana Ferrari, doctor in social communication from the University of São Paulo (USP) and specialist in information architecture and social media, believes that the current web model feeds on give and take, just like any relationship. On the other hand, she emphasizes that virtual contact does not replace physical contact. “It’s really cool to have friends on the internet. But we also need to have company for a beer. I find the teenager who is in his apartment talking to other young people who live in the same building sad. Couldn’t they all be together?”, she asks.

The option of taking refuge in anonymity and living other lives on the web exists and, as we know, is widely practiced. But there are those who prefer the opposite: use the computer as a venting channel and even a means of overcoming shyness and being able to express concerns that would otherwise remain veiled. Pollyana. In fact, there is a huge disparity between live and virtual chat. A hug, for example, is impossible to reproduce digitally with the emotional charge it deserves. If we are not physically in the same environment, we also run the risk of distancing ourselves from reality.

But let’s take it easy. Having friends in virtual space is something very different from displaying an astronomical number of them on your Orkut or Facebook profile. In this case, friendships are confused with ostentation of popularity and charisma. “Nowadays, we have little time to manage few friends. In addition, the interaction on the network is targeted, you speak directly with your interlocutor. An almost artisan care is required. Saying you have 12,000 friends completely escapes the meaning of friendship”, criticizes Pollyana.