To win in life, you need to know what you want.

This story took place earlier this year in a holistic coaching session I conduct. Selma is a 30-year-old woman, independent and with reasonable professional success. She came to the coaching sessions to seek new horizons in life and in her profession. At least that’s what she said in our first phone call to schedule sessions.

When she came in for the first session, when we were going to set the goals she wanted to work towards in life, I asked the normal question in this first conversation: “Selma, what do you want? What do you want to achieve or achieve with holistic coaching?”

Her first response was normal: win in life.

“Great,” I said, “and what do you want to achieve? What do you want? What goals do you want?”

The second answer was surprising: “I don’t know. I’ve always achieved professional goals. I really wanted to win in the profession and I won. But today I don’t know what I want for myself. I don’t know what my personal goals are. I don’t even know what I want in the profession.”

Anyone reading this story will think Selma is exaggerating. How can a person who wins not know what he wants? And who said that a person who conquers, wins and achieves goals in life is happy for that?

Selma did what parents, teachers and society always said: go and win. No matter what she is doing, she has to succeed in her profession and in life.

For many, winning in life means putting aside love, family, and personal life and “going all-in on a career”. It’s winning in the profession at any cost.

And personal dreams? And the goals of having a family, a love or doing what you like? How is it?

So it is. It doesn’t. It is not in the present. Maybe in some future. There is no time for personal life. There is no life outside of career and work.

Someone told us that we have to go to college that will give us money from the profession, even if we don’t even like the course. Nobody said to take a course that we like, that we have the aptitude and to work with it and earn our money.

Selma was such a case. Even she went to college she dreamed of going to. But she was guided by society that she had to win at any cost. And, at any cost, Selma left her affective life, personal dreams and the small tastes and pleasures of life in the background.

Today, even being a successful professional, she is in doubt about the profession, about what she wants to do, about what she wants to achieve and what she would like to do and achieve.

And what to do then? Rescue the real Selma. Make a list of what she really wants to do in her personal, emotional life and start outlining a plan to put into practice what she really wants to achieve.

The first step in the coaching process with Selma was to prepare a list of things she would really like to do and then see how to achieve and win.

The professional stayed for a second stage.

And Selma won? I say she is winning one goal at a time. But she is happier doing what she wants today.

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