To get over a breakup, change your mindset

When a couple breaks up, the separation process is usually not pleasant. However, some people are able to improve their image and move on, while others ruminate for months and years after a breakup, hurting their chances of successfully finding new relationships. What makes the difference? The change in mentality is what allows you to overcome a breakup successfully.

After a breakup you may feel hurt, angry, betrayed or scared at the idea of ​​being alone. You may even become obsessed with your ex and feel jealous of the person they are dating now. You may even feel inadequate, unattractive, and unworthy of love.

This, which sounds so sad and pathetic, is normal. In fact, Research shows that breakups lead us to view ourselves and others more negatively. It also makes it more unlikely that we will start a new relationship and, if we do, increases the chances that it will be an unhealthy relationship.

Change your mindset to get over a breakup

A group of researchers from Stanford University analyzed the effects of our personal stories in relation to the romantic breakup and its relationship with psychological distress and our ability to adjust to the situation.

After a breakup, most people try to make sense of what happened by wondering why it happened., if it was their fault or what chances they have in the future of finding a new love. The way we answer these questions can help us cope with the situation or make us more vulnerable to psychological damage.

However, People have different views about how much we can grow and change. People who see their personality and attributes as something fixed and unchangeable, that is, with a fixed mindset, are more likely to attribute the breakup to negative aspects of themselves. The stories we tell ourselves about the breakup highlight our own shortcomings.

On the other hand, People who view their personality traits as changeable and have a growth mindset tend to create less damaging stories about the breakup. That way, they may be more able to see it as an opportunity for growth and look forward to having a better relationship next time.

In several studies, researchers found that participants with a fixed mindset were more likely to attribute the breakup to their toxic personalities and negative attributes that would continue to be a problem in future relationships.

What to do to change your mindset and get over a breakup

To get over a breakup in a healthy way it is important change your attitude and evolve towards a growth mindset. To make the change you can do the following:

Honestly analyze the reasons for the breakup

In all types of relationships, all the people involved have part of the responsibility for the problems that arise. The same thing happens in relationships. Assume your share of the blame, but avoid victimhood.

Carrying more responsibility than your share will not do you any good and will not solve anything; rather, it will harm your self-image and hinder your ability to maintain healthy relationships in the future.

Find what personal defects triggered the problem

There are many personal factors that can trigger a relationship conflict that ends in a breakup. Some are temporary, other times the problem comes from external issues. The important thing is to know what went wrong and to what extent that can be avoided or changed in the future.

Breakup is a common experience

Despite the pain you feel about the breakup, remember that you are not the only one who has ended a romantic relationship. You are not the only one who has been dumped or cheated on or the only one who has had to break up with their partner. No matter how much pain you feel, you too can overcome it, as so many people have done.

Find something positive to learn from the experience

After getting over a breakup you learn many things. But don’t get carried away only by the negative. That relationship has offered you many good things. Don’t focus only on the negative. You can also learn from the negative in terms of looking for solutions. But if you focus only on that, pessimism and fear will invade you, which will make your future relationships difficult.

Regardless of the way in which it has been produced, After a breakup there is always hope. Not to recover the relationship, but to not give up on yourself in that bitter end. In life there are cycles and love is still one of them, so anchoring yourself in it when the relationship is over will only increase your feeling of suffocation. As the endearing Dory would say: keep swimming, keep swimming…

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