How can we improve our way of giving constructive criticism?

In our daily lives we live and interact with other people. From this daily interaction emerge behaviors that we observe in others and that we would like to modify. The fact is that we do not know how to explain this fact and, on numerous occasions, we end up making criticisms that, due to the way we make them, fail to fulfill the objective of helping someone.

Many times we do not share our thoughts because we are not “critical”, until the glass overflows., and then we have no choice but to let them all come out at once and with the energy of a hurricane. This means that we do not choose the best ways or the best time.

Now, once we are clear that we can improve our way of criticizing, how can we do it? Continue reading and find out how!

Criticism and why they are necessary

Criticism is the expression of actions, behaviors or work done by another person that we do not like. Now… What purpose do they have? This is going to make criticism constructive or destructive. If we do it in order to improve, what type do you think we are talking about?

Indeed, in this case we would be dealing with constructive criticism. We can also call them “suggestions for improvement” and thus remove the negative connotations that the word “criticism” has. So that, These types of suggestions are necessary in our lives and our relationships. With them, for example, we can improve social support.

Because? Because they help the quality of our interactions increase. If we don’t explain to another person that there is something they do that bothers us, how will they know? Nobody is a fortune teller! Many frictions and arguments come because we expect the other person to realize what we want and what we don’t want, when it is easier to tell them directly.

But of course, Is there anything we can do so that this doesn’t make the other person feel bad? Obviously, we can’t get into his head and control that he takes it well, but we can express it appropriately. In this way, we will have more paperwork to avoid a conflict and for the other person to understand our point of view.

What should be taken into account when giving constructive criticism?

When we are going to make a suggestion for improvement or constructive criticism, it is good that we consider different factors. The first task is to find the most suitable moment. Obviously, if the other person is angry or nervous, what we say may not sit well with them, even though we are being very careful.

Also, there is no need to overwhelm. That is to say, It is very important to make a critique every time. For a second let’s put ourselves on the other side; When someone tells you something they don’t like about you… Is it easier to modify it if they tell us just one specific thing or if they tell you many, more general things?

Exact! We all have things to improve, but we can work on it if we are told a little at a time instead of all at once. On the other hand, it is appropriate to prepare alternatives to the object of criticismas well as saying something positive about the moment or the relationship that unites us with the other person.

What techniques can we implement to carry out constructive criticism?

Taking into account what we have already talked about, we can implement two strategies to make suggestions for improvement appropriately. The first would be the sandwich-shaped reinforcement technique. Imagine precisely that: a sandwich. But… what relationship can this have with giving constructive criticism?

Very easy! The slices of bread in our sandwich are going to be two positive aspects of the relationship we have with the person to whom we are going to criticize. And the food that goes in between would be criticism. Thus, We will say one good thing, the suggestion for improvement and we will end with another positive factor.

For example: “Pedro, I love the good coexistence we have, but I think you could wash the pan when you finish cooking so that everything is clean, because then we can enjoy the time together afterward, which I have a great time with you.” Doesn’t it sound better that way? Perhaps at first it seems like a somewhat artificial and forced formula, but with practice you will end up using it naturally.

Are there more ways to give constructive criticism?

In addition to this simple technique, there is another one called “ABC”. The first thing to do is describe what we dislike without judging the other person. Then we will explain how it affects us without blaming him. Furthermore, we will put ourselves in his shoes, explaining that we understand his motivations. But not only that, we must also take responsibility for our possible part of the blame. Next will be when we ask for the change.

If the other person gives us solutions, we have to thank them and comment that things will go better this way. But there are times when he doesn’t tell us anything. Then we have to offer the alternatives, remembering that the consequences are positive for both of us if it goes well. It must also be explained that if there is no change, the situation can get worse. This should not be done as a threat, but as a description of what is going to happen. For example:

“When you get upset because I don’t answer WhatsApp messages right away, I get a little overwhelmed. I understand that you want me to respond to you as soon as possible or that you think that if I don’t it is because I ignore you, but that is not the case. Maybe I’m very busy and it takes me a long time to respond to you, I know, how do you think we can solve it? What do you think we call each other if it’s something important and leave WhatsApp for other things? This way you won’t get angry nor will I get overwhelmed. If not, I think we are going to end up getting burned by this situation.”

Do you see the difference between saying this and “look, I’m tired of you blaming me for not answering your WhatsApp messages”? This is a little longer and more complicated, but it is worth putting it into action and practicing it, since it will foster empathy between the two parties. That is to say, With this way of communicating suggestions for improvement, we express how we feel so that the other person understands us. Interesting, right? Well… Let’s put it into practice!

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