These are the stages after infidelity

Being unfaithful is an undeniable reality that currently affects many couples. Its causes are not yet definitively known, but what is known is that It generates a significant impact on the life of those who face it. Now, what are the stages after infidelity and how do they manifest?

This article exposes the various periods that a person goes through after a sentimental betrayal. It also offers several suggestions for dealing with each one. At the end, some general guidelines are provided for what to do when discovering this deception and how to forgive it, if you want to. We invite you to advance in this reading.

From impact to acceptance: journey through the stages after infidelity

Infidelity is emotional or sexual involvement with a person other than one’s partner. This is very relative, since it depends on the agreements you have. There are those for whom being intimate with someone else is considered emotional infidelity; while, for others, one is only unfaithful when there is sexual interaction.

In any case, the path of emotional healing and pain after a betrayal involves several phases, which do not necessarily follow a linear order. To deal with each of the stages after infidelity, it is advisable not to rush the process. With professional support and advice to overcome deception, it is possible to manage the pain and continue with life without so much resentment. Let’s look at these stages.

1. shock or emotional shock

This is the first of the stages after infidelity and is characterized by an emotional blow against reality. It is the moment when the deception is revealed, either by confession or discovery. It is the phase of confusion and disorientation.

Emotional shock is expressed through disbelief or denial (“this can’t be happening to me”). There is a whirlwind of sensations and it is normal to have unexpected psychological and physiological reactions: increased heart rate, sweating, increased respiratory rate, lack of mental clarity, feeling of emptiness in the stomach. To address this impact, we recommend:

Identify feelings and thoughts. Welcome and observe emotions without judging them. Establish immediate limits with the other person. Allow crying and pain to emerge without restrictions. Avoid making transcendent decisions, leave time to think. Find a safe space and calm to feel and listen to the body. Seek social support from friends or family; A support network is essential. Performing breathing exercises to relax is an alternative to calm down. Taking care of your mental and physical health is something to consider from the first moment.

2. Anger and resentment

Anger, resentment, hatred, frustration and desires for revenge are very common in the stages after infidelity. These emotions can be felt towards oneself, the cheater, the other person involved, or even against friends or family members considered accomplices.

In these cases, Anger can be very intense and overwhelming. It is characterized by being volatile and variable. In parallel with this, it is possible that impulsive behavior, confrontations, acts of revenge, and harmful behavior against the property or physical integrity of those involved may occur. In order to deal with such a feeling, we suggest the following:

Accept and validate the emotion.Channel the feeling into a creative activity.Create a constructive and compassionate internal dialogue.Identify the stimuli that fuel and trigger anger.Use relaxation techniques on a daily basis or practice mindfulness.Writing a relief letter works to drain your feelings. Explore hobbies that promote calm and keep your mind busy.

3. Affliction and grief

Depression is one of those emotions in the stages after infidelity that no one would want to experience. The sadness is very intense, as if one were grieving for the death of a loved one. And in fact it is so, to a certain extent.

All grief is a loss, which is why the phases of infidelity are similar to those of infidelity, because in it the breaking of a significant bond is experienced. The trust and hope placed in the relationship is lost.

Consequently, many shared dreams and plans can be put to rest. Besides, you experience a feeling of emptiness, crying or sobbing, anxiety, negative thoughts, hopelessness, bitterness, difficulty concentrating, little or much appetite, among other symptoms. Check out these strategies for coping with grief:

Do physical exercise.Redefine your identity.Find a support group.Share time with friends.Reflect on what you have learned.Feel sadness without resistance.Avoid the consumption of addictive substances.Divide tasks to do them little by little.Keep an hour to Get up and go to bed. Do a farewell ritual, if the relationship ends. Talk and vent with people you trust. Look for stories of overcoming similar situations.

4. Reconnection

This phase is characterized by connection, self-love and reunion with oneself. Activities and relationships that had lost priority are resumed. It’s a time to connect with forgotten interests and explore new hobbies.

The person notices that little by little they begin to regain their passion, begin to smile again, participate in activities and conversations that they previously avoided. Furthermore, he makes new plans and purposes. The time and energy that was previously dedicated to the other stages after infidelity is now redirected towards the creation of novel projects. To rebuild, we recommend:

Create routines.Celebrate new achievements.Learn to set limits.Define short and long-term goals.Reflect on your own values.Be patient throughout the entire process.Share time and space with positive people.Explore new hobbies and have other experiences.

5. Acceptance

Accept consists of recognize that the betrayal occurred and that nothing can be done to change it. It is a phase of liberation, where resistance and attachment to the past are released. Through it, it is possible to have a good closure to the breakup or give the relationship another start.

When this stage is reached, the unpleasant emotions no longer have the same intensity. You can think about the future with hope. The memories are not as painful, and instead of grief, there is peace. Life moves forward. Some tips to enhance this stage are the following:

Reaffirm autonomy.Welcome experiences without judging them.Cultivate resilience and self-esteem.Think about the learning acquired.Define new limits in interactions.Practice forgiveness towards others or towards yourself.Foster commitment to your own well-being.Have a open attitude towards life, relationships and experiences.

What to do when discovering infidelity

Discovering that the person you love so much has been unfaithful is a painful situation. Whoever is deceived can feel enormous loss and uncontrollable rage. In these cases, the guidelines that we will point out must be taken into account:

Avoid physical and verbal attacks: Violence only makes things worse and would have legal consequences. Responding this way never solves problems and never heals emotional pain.Seek professional support: A therapist never hurts. This professional can provide a safe space to explore, feel, and express feelings, as well as help process infidelity appropriately.Reflect on the relationship: It is essential to consider what happened and consider the alternatives (end the relationship or continue). Each route has its own action plans, which must be considered in detail, especially if you plan to recover the link.

It is important to keep in mind at all times that, although pain and grief are inevitable, there is always a way forward. With time, support and acceptance, recovery is possible.

How to forgive infidelity and recover the bond

It is possible to forgive infidelity, although there is no step by step backed by science to do so. Here are some general ideas that might help in this context:

Set limits: New rules and agreements must be defined and both parties must commit to rebuilding the relationship.Forgive: It is not about forgetting what happened, but about letting go of resentment to continue. It is accepting that what happened cannot be changed and stopping recriminating and blaming the other person.Accept the change: It is likely that the relationship will never be the same as before. However, this does not mean that it cannot be satisfactory or better. Infidelity could even strengthen the bond.Receive a sincere promise: To forgive an infidelity and return to the relationship, it is necessary, above all, for the other person to apologize, commit to not doing it again and to completely end their affair.Rebuild trust: If you will continue with the relationship, it is essential to regain trust, although this requires effort, patience and time. The best way to trust again is to be consistent with what you say and do.Speak honestly: It is essential to communicate, express feelings and expectations. Talking is key to also understanding the reasons and circumstances associated with infidelity, and thus propose solutions or prevent relapses.

It is also possible to forgive without returning. Being single is a viable alternative. Whether or not to return to the person is a personal decision.

Infidelity is not the end

Being unfaithful is an unfair behavior with causes that include individual, relational and contextual factors, as the article states. Love and Infidelity: Causes and Consequences. The stages after describing it are a challenging path that the victim travels. Nevertheless, Despite the pain, it is possible to process them and move forward with the relationship or being single.

We hope that you now have a better idea about how to deal with this type of deception and that you can deal with or support others in managing the emotional turmoil that comes with this experience. It is possible to move on, don’t forget it.

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