Dear friend,

Things are not easy. Hard days approached earlier, before I could get used to the lull. Not many people were by my side during this process. Apart from those who were obliged by their familial/affective connection with me, I can’t remember anyone free who stayed by my side and asked how things were going. It only made the pain during the difficulty process increase, it only proved how much the “I love you” I received during the good days meant nothing, on those terrible days they just sounded like a good day given to a stranger at a bus stop.

You can say it’s a lie, friend, but if you put the memories out of your mind and start to see everything in an unbiased way, you’ll see that I wasn’t in those worried memories. Maybe it wasn’t your fault, maybe you just needed to worry more about yourself, and a friend in a state of sadness and pain wouldn’t be convenient at these moments in your life. But while you only thought of yourself, my sadness and my anger only grew, only took care of me until I could no longer see good things in people, I was blinded by the selfishness of my pain, then I realized that I could become the same selfish and petty person to my peers that you’ve become with me, and at heart, no one deserves that, so I looked for change.

In the midst of this whole process I met new people, people who cannot be physically present with me every day, but who have made more of a difference than those who are sitting next to me every day. People who are far away need to understand that distance is not an obstacle to a “good morning” or “how are you?”. Distance should bring people who care closer together, because words tend to supply physical contact, this a friend explained to me when I asked why distance ended relationships, but with both of us it had never happened, so I realized that this made sense as it has been working with some other people in my life.

You know, friend, I never asked, I never charged, but I’m a human being, I get tired of repetitive words and actions that never add up. As long as my friendship for us existed, it was really a pleasant time, but a battle where on one side you have infinity and on the other it’s just me, it’s a battle completely lost. I say goodbye with tears in my eyes, maybe with some grudges, but I have other battles to fight and I have someone by my side to help me win. We may not win, but we will try and fight together, which is better than fighting alone, because it doesn’t matter the result, it’s who has been fighting with you. All I want to say is that no matter if my pains would heal or not, if you would make me smile with jokes to distract me or if you would make me cry with some painful truths, I just needed to know that I had someone on my side.