The white knight syndrome: people who save

White knight syndrome characterizes many of those people who suffered abandonment in the past. Their need to save others is almost compulsive, although they don’t always do it in the best way.

White knight syndrome defines that person with an almost compulsive need to save, help and solve other people’s problems.. The behavior of this profile is explained by a history of abandonment, trauma and unrequited affection. Hence their ability to empathize with the pain of others is very high. Although the help they provide is not always the most appropriate.

Most of us know a born rescuer, someone who instead of a heart seems to have a radar with which to detect needs and be the standard bearer of usefulness. Sometimes, as we well know, that help can be intrusive. It can even cause us discomfort or veto the opportunity to be responsible and solve our own problems.

Other times, of course, we appreciate that sincere and always dedicated altruism. However, what we sometimes don’t see is the background behind those dynamics, that need. White knight syndrome defines a part of our population. They are often invisible people, a behavioral profile that has wounds behind it that no one sees.knots that have not been resolved effectively.

This syndrome was described in 2015 by psychologists and professors at the University of Berkeley Mary C. Lamia and Marilyn J. Krieger. Let’s see more data on the topic below.

“Tears come from the heart, not from the brain.”

-Leonardo da Vinci-

Characteristics of white knight syndrome

In the story books the white knight is the savior of that lady who is in trouble. In real life, said figure from our folklore can be a man or a woman, and Their highest aspiration is to initiate emotional relationships with damaged or vulnerable people.. This bond can allow them to be useful, to emotionally repair the other, to reaffirm themselves and at the same time reaffirm the couple.

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However, injured people are unlikely to repair anything.. Often, what they achieve is to make the wound bigger, to be that mirror where traumas and suffering are magnified. They are rescues, as we see frustrated, that bring inevitable unhappiness. Thus, what is hidden behind the white knight syndrome and what explains its behavior is the following:

Causes of white knight syndrome

A past of abuse, authoritarian parenting, or a lack of healthy, loving attachment In childhood, there are usually common factors when it comes to shaping the white knight syndrome. Having lived several experiences of abandonment, both at the family level and with emotional partners, are usually other triggers.

Traits that define the white knight

Fear of experiencing emotional distance again, of being hurt, betrayed and abandoned.

They are very vulnerable peoplewith a low tendency to frustration, feel offended and disappointed by often insignificant acts. They have low self-esteem and high insecurity.They lack ecpathy. That is, they do not separate the emotional reality of others from their own, hence they suffer abundant emotional contagions. They do not know how to set limits and they identify in such a way with those who suffer, with those who are worried or afraid, that what they often achieve is to intensify the suffering of others even more.They are prone to building very dependent emotional relationships. They long to be everything for the other person. They seek to be that essential support, that daily nutrient and that other indispensable half. Something like this ends up generating unhappiness and a high emotional cost for both parties.

Types of white knights

White knight syndrome does not present a single typology. It actually falls within a behavioral spectrum where there are figures with more normal features and more pathological extremes. They are the following:

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The Highly Empathic White Knight. In this case we have someone who establishes an excessive emotional connection with their partner or another person. Now, this empathy often becomes a source of extreme fears. Hence jealousy appears, the desire for control, the anguish at the idea of being betrayed…The idealistic white knight. This typology defines that figure that looks for people to rescue and repair. They long to create someone perfect, someone ideal. Being responsible for that improvement allows them in turn to be filled with glory.The frightened white knight. Of all the types of white knights, this is the most problematic. It locks behind it a person who has suffered serious traumas (abuse, mistreatment…). They feel the need to be helpful to others, however they do not know how to provide that help, how to approach others, how to offer affection.Finally, we have the “balanced” white knight syndrome.. He is that focused and respectful savior who attends to the needs of his environment. Gives support freely, respecting others and always strives to do well. However, it is still a compulsive behavior and therefore poorly adjusted.

The white knight only has to rescue one person: himself

Being a “balanced” white knight does not exempt us from the real problem. We continue killing other people’s dragons, we continue holding a sword and a helmet to enter battles that belong to us. Helping those in need is good and noble. Being that helping hand for the people we love is positive. However, no one deserves to go through life being just a savior.

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The white knight syndrome is solved in only one way: by saving ourselves first.. Undertaking the most difficult journey of all, the one where it is necessary to travel to an internal universe, where we can face our own demons to understand them, defeat them and fill our darkest corners with light.

Let us also not hesitate to carry out the bravest act of all for a white knight: asking others for help.request the help of specialized professionals.