The pain of those who decide to separate |

We always tend to think that whoever “is left” is the big victim in a relationship. What happens is that whoever is left is in a completely passive situation and is forced to deal with all the feeling of impotence.

There’s nothing to do. How to fight a partner’s certainty?

Whoever stays is raptured by a feeling of betrayaleven without having been “betrayal”, exactly.

Those who stay feel adrift, abandoned, rejected, unloved… without ground. What remains for those who are left are tears.

Sometimes, depending on how unprepared or surprised the news is, one has the impulse to juggle so that the other person goes back. But it’s useless.

Is there a villain and a victim?

The mistake is made of believing that those who left the relationship “are fine”. This is seen as the villain of the story, the one who causes suffering. But that’s not how it happens…

In a stable relationship, which began with the intention of making it as long-lasting as possible, it is clear that both are moving in the direction of solidifying the couple.

Love is expected to last forever and no matter how attentive you are to the evolution of the relationship, love, lust, interest in perpetuating the bond can end up on one side.

Sometimes it happens that both gradually lose interest and almost at the same time. But in most cases this disinterest is one-sided.

Who stopped loving is also frustrated. Those who stopped loving wouldn’t want to stop loving, but it’s not a decision, it just happens.

He searches inside himself for a long time to find the desire, the passion of the first days, but he finds nothing. He experiences a great conflict and goes into a state of mourning.

guilt and frustration

Who stopped loving too lost a love and spends a long time often blaming himself, anticipating his partner’s pain, wanting to keep him from getting hurt.

And many times, in an attempt to deny that the feelings just faded away, in the belief that there needs to be a more compelling reason for the separationthat it is not enough that love and desire have run out, mistakes are made.

If you find yourself in this situation, be careful not to make the breakup unnecessarily more painful than it naturally is by avoiding the following situations:

Provoking sterile discussions Seeking a relationship outside as a way of punishing yourself for the guilt of having stopped loving your partner Seeking forced closeness to “disguise” your real feelings and intentions Despising your partner or treating him with indifference, imagining that this will make him he also stops loving you, making his decision easier

These attitudes will only prolong and accentuate the inevitable pain of decision making.

No one wakes up in the morning to the discovery that they want to separate. This is a process, let’s realize ourselves little by little.

Those who go through this experience undergo a distressing reflective recollection because many times they cannot easily accept the reality of their feelings.

And until he realizes the impossibility of continuing to live together, he mourns the loss of love, plans, projects in common.

It is a mistake to believe that those who want to separate “are fine”. The difference between those who leave and those who stay is that those who leave live in mourning before the separation takes place.

And add to that all the necessary courage to communicate to the partner and manage the consequences of that decision with balance.

small mourning

The saying that “when one doesn’t want, two don’t fight” applies perfectly in cases where the desire to separate is one-sided. By the time one of the two sides communicates this decision, it has already matured for a long time – and suffered.

The sense of relief experienced by those who leave and the apparent simplicity with which they can deal with the issue are often seen as insensitivity, and this is another mistake.

Each one, in their own way and at their own times, experiences the pain of loss, and after the first impact it is always good to keep in mind that in affectionate relationships there is no guarantee certificate, much less an expiry date.

Beginning middle and end. Even relationships that last “till death do us part” suffer small griefs along the way.