The marriage is over; the love for the stepson, no. Know this story

The marriage is over; the love for stepson, no. Leandro Crespo, entrepreneur, 33, “shares” custody with his biological parents and actively participates in the education of child. Discover this story:

“Six years ago, I started dating Mariana, who had a son from the previous marriage. From the beginning, I felt very open to Vinicius, who was 3 years old at the time. It made no sense to relate to a woman who was a mother without considering her child. A year later, Mari and I decided to live together. I started to have a stepson, with whom I lived daily, and that was something new for me. I got along well with Vini, we adapted quickly. I never competed with Rodrigo, the father. The boy saw him twice a month. It is clear that life under the same roof made us closer and closer and with greater interaction.

I remember well the day the relationship became closer. We had left São Paulo, where we live, to visit Bertioga (SP). It was overcast and, in a club by the pool, I heard a boy shouting: “Dad!”. I didn’t even pay attention because, after all, it wasn’t for me. I never had children. The child kept calling and so I started looking for the pool, afraid it was lost. I found Mariana and Vini waving at me. I was thrilled, but it was a shock. In the evening we talked about it. She said: ‘It’s a big responsibility, mine, to allow Vini to call someone else dad, but I let him. I wanted to know if you felt comfortable.’ I did not lie. I had felt a huge weight on my head. At the same time, I had loved it! We don’t have to find a child for a family; need to find a family for a child. That episode was not planned. On the contrary, no one had asked Vinicius to call me father. It happened.

I began to see myself intimate with him; more father, impossible🇧🇷 At one stage, Vini had trouble falling asleep. Sometimes she would wake up in the early hours with fear. Worried, I would sit in front of the computer and spend hours researching the topic. A lot of sites appeared, but all the content was aimed at women. It bothered me. Just as it is necessary to have a place for the mother, there must be room for the father. And for the stepfather. Where are we going to find out?

The time has passed. Vinicius continued to treat me like a father, although in some situations he would pronounce my name, Leandro, without failing to refer to Rodrigo as a father. And that’s okay for all of us. Children are better at dealing with change – we adults are the ones who get in the way.

I conveyed to Mari the assurance that I wanted to emotionally assume Vinicius. She allowed it, playing an important role in it. I have friends who are stepfathers and want to share care with the little ones, but the mother does not accept it. I believe that it is fully possible to assume this role without taking away the power of the biological mother and father. After a certain age, the child is brought up not by two, but by the village.

In November 2016, Mariana and I started talking about separation, which ended up happening earlier this year. In January, the dialogue was extended to Vini. “You don’t like Mom anymore?” he asked. “I like it, but now we will be together in a different way,” I replied. And it wasn’t bullshit. She and I have a great friendship. We keep in touch and I give a lot of support, including financial support. Mari takes Vini to school; I pick up twice a week. One of these days, as agreed, Rodrigo left him at my house, after spending the day together. Vini and I, who is now 9 years old, go to the cinema a lot and enjoy walking on (avenida) Paulista. I’m a bit of a nerd and so is he. We have a lot in common. And my parents remain your grandparents. It has happened that, at Mari’s house, Vini calls my mother – sometimes he talks to her longer than to me. My dad already went to pick him up from school and he loved staying at grandpa and grandma’s house.

I’m single, but when I date, I want someone who embraces the whole, the relationships that are part of my life. I feel lazy just thinking about a girlfriend who is jealous of this dynamic, because harboring something negative about my choices makes no sense to me. Fatherhood moves me more and more🇧🇷 When I took over running my family’s optics, a friend who went to make glasses with me was also in the scheme of being active in the role of father. In January, we created a website, 4 Daddy, aimed at men. For now, it’s a hobby, a kind of social entrepreneurship. I fulfill myself by helping other parents, biological or not, to ‘come out of the closet’. Talking about the topic is essential, it sensitizes society to the importance of fatherhood in a child’s life.”