The aromantic spectrum: how do you live your bonds?

In recent years, we have taken many steps forward making visible and validating the human diversity that exists in terms of sexual-affective bonds. Even so, there are certain concepts that we still do not understand completely well or still have difficulty defining. Aromanticism is one of them; With it we identify those who do not feel romantic or loving attraction towards others. But how do people on the aromantic spectrum experience their bonds?

First of all, it is worth mentioning that it is not as uncommon an orientation as we think. Exact statistics on this are not yet available, but a survey carried out by the international campaign Ace Week shows that About 16% of asexual people also consider themselves aromantic. Although these two terms do not have to appear together, these data indicate that this orientation is a reality for many people.

What is the aromatic spectrum?

To understand this term, it is important to consider the normative notion we have of romanticism. That is, a set of loving feelings and expressions that are professed within an emotional relationship. We hope that every relationship between a couple is marked by romance, by an emotional attraction and strong and intense desires to connect intimately with each other. Romantic love seems to us to be a feeling inherent to human beings and something essential in a couple.

Well, the aromantic spectrum encompasses a series of orientations that move away from the previous conception, known as allo-romanticism. Thus, a person on this spectrum is one who He does not feel romantic attraction, he does not fall in love, nor is he interested in bonding in this way.

Expressing love through kisses and hugs, having intense romantic emotions towards others, feeling “butterflies in your stomach” or looking into each other’s eyes with delight are activities that simply do not arouse your interest. In short, they derive no pleasure from this type of attachment.

Now, this kind of generic definition can lead to confusion and misunderstanding. Therefore, it is important to clarify some more questions about the aromantic spectrum and who is part of it.

Aromantic people do not feel loving attraction towards others.

Yes they feel love

Aromantic people do they have feelings, they empathize and they love. They can experience affection for their family, friends and anyone close to them, just like everyone else. Of course, they also express the love they feel and there is no type of dysfunction in this regard. They just don’t have romantic feelings.

They can have solid and long-lasting partners

Contrary to what is usually thought, those who are part of the aromantic spectrum can establish relationships. And these can be as solid, durable and satisfying as any other. The difference is that They will not be based on romantic attraction, but on other points such as desires or agreements.

They are not necessarily asexual

It is also important to differentiate between romantic orientation and sexual orientation. And, although some people on the aromantic spectrum are also asexual, it does not necessarily have to be that way.

They They may feel sexual desire and attraction toward others, enjoy having relationships and even engage in exchanges such as kisses, hugs and caresses and consider them pleasurable. However, this will not be an expression of romantic emotions.

The aromatic spectrum covers different realities

On the other hand, it should be considered that we are talking about a spectrum and not a category. That is within it there is room for nuances regarding feelings and emotional expressions. For example, for some people kisses and hugs may be pleasant and for others they are not, there are those who may feel romantic attraction at certain specific moments and others never do.

In this regard, it is useful to know complementary terms such as grey-romanticism or demirromanticism. But the truth is that each person’s experience is unique and there are no points that can or should be met in all cases.

Aromantic people do not have to be asexual, there will be those who are and those who are not.

They have no interest in romance

Finally, it is interesting to dismantle one of the most common myths regarding this orientation. And it is to think that aromantic people hate romanticism, they feel repulsion or rejection towards this idea and all romantic expressions. The reality is that it is not like that, It is not a matter of aversion, but rather a lack of interest.

Confusion occurs when we consider romanticism as an indispensable element in people’s lives and in their relationships; But, if we consider it as another interest (such as sports or the arts) we will better understand that there are those for whom it is not attractive or who derive pleasure from it.

In short, aromanticism is a term that accommodates the experience of many people, but it is not possible to completely generalize. The most advisable thing, if we want to understand someone, understand how their desires, feelings and needs work, is to communicate clearly and respectfully.

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