The 90/10 rule: change starts with you

The 90/10 rule is key to managing frustration and reprocessing the bad moments that happen to us.

In Psychology there is a rule that we call “the 90/10 rule” that tells us that The reaction we manifest to events is much more influential than the events themselves. In fact, only 10% of our life is determined by what happens to us: making a mistake, a plane delay or traffic jams that make us late for work, for example.

On the other hand, 90% is directly related to the way we react to these situations that represent 10%. It has been shown that in the same situation people react in very different ways. Depending on the primary reaction they have to the triggering event that has just occurred, they may or may not benefit from a more or less pleasant day.

The importance of the 90/10 rule

All of the above means that our reaction to adversity can improve or worsen the rest of our day, our week or even the year. Therefore, a large part of it depends on us.

The 90/10 rule was first described by Stephen Covey, known for the book The seven habits of highly effective people.

Keeping this rule in mind is important, since it makes us aware that we control most of our life: 90%. It also frees us from feeling useless emotions, by making us see that there is a 10% over which we have no control.

If we are able to put willpower into the matter, something that could be very negative can become a simple fact or even cause us to extract the positive part. Do you want to see how we can achieve it? Keep reading.

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An example of 10 and 90

To make it clearer how we can put this wonderful rule into practice, let’s give an example with which we can identify. Imagine that you have been working all day on a project that your boss has sent you. You have to turn it in soon, but you’re finally finishing it. Just when you are about to save it, the power goes out and your computer abruptly turns off.

It turns out that your roommate has turned on the stove that always makes the leads jump. You get angry, you get anxious and you almost think that the world has ended. You go to your wife and end up arguing with her severely.

Because you’re nervous, you go to the kitchen and end up throwing the cups on the counter on the floor. Unexpectedly, your favorite cup, the one you use in the morning to drink your coffee, breaks. Your anger increases and you blame your son for having used it that afternoon and leaving it in the way.

After a few minutes, you try every means to recover your work but you can’t. Everything has been lost. You get angry, curse all the gods and go out into the street to get some air by slamming the door. When you arrive, you are angry with your son, with your partner, you have lost your cup and you don’t have the project done: you have what has been a bad day.

It could have been another way

What has happened? As we can see, There is a trigger, which would represent that 10%: turn on the stove and let the leads jump. This is a fact that does not depend on us, something uncontrollable that another person has done without bad intentions, a simple mistake.

What did depend on us is everything that happened afterward. It’s 90%, which has turned a normal day into a horrible day. From one problem, our protagonist has extracted several more problems.

Instead of investing your energy in redoing the project, asking your colleague for help, or telling your boss about the unexpected situation and having him give you a longer deadline, has decided to unleash a very non-functional reaction. The whole house ends up arguing due to a specific uncontrollable event. Worth?

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When can I put the 90/10 rule into practice?

There are numerous situations that can be potential triggers for dysfunctional reactions. It is in them where it is necessary to remember this rule and put our will to not get carried away by emotion. In reality, the key lies in accepting frustrations as part of the game of living.

when you are judged

You cannot control the judgments and criticisms of others because they have the right to think what they please.. On the other hand, you can control the value you give to those judgments, the importance you give them. If I can’t control what people think about me, why waste energy on it?

If you make a mistake

You can’t control your mistakes. Yes, learn from them, but even so, you will continue to commit them because it is your nature. You only control your reaction to those errors.if you accept yourself or not even with them, if you beat yourself up too much or if you are able to tolerate them.

When others don’t act the way you want them to

The reactions of others are uncontrollable on our part. Demanding that someone be different from what they are is unrealistic and the only thing we will achieve is to become very frustrated and lose quality in the relationship we have with those people.

If you experience any adversity

Living brings with it numerous adversities. Studies say that each human being will experience 20,000 misfortunes throughout their entire life.: from minor ones like stepping in a dog’s feces, to more serious ones like losing a loved one. It is something that we have to put in the general budget of life and that is impossible to control. We are only responsible for the way these adversities affect us.

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Therefore, when you are faced with an event that you know is uncontrollable, put the 90/10 rule into practice. You know that 90% depends only on you and that if you are able to not let yourself be controlled by that 10%, whatever happens to you will remain a grain of sand and you will be free from having turned it into a mountain.