The 9 Laws of Attraction – GOOD SHAPE

Beauty, power or intelligence do not explain all the attraction that someone exerts on a crowd. There is an invisible force, but totally perceptible, that works in favor of those who master the art of enchanting people. It’s the one from charisma, which has already been defined as a divine gift and, today, is studied by professionals in psychology, social sciences and neurolinguistics to increase personal magnetism. Everyone has the ability to shine.

“When this talent is not revealed, it is somehow blocked”, says psychologist Deborah Epelman, affiliated representative of NLP University in Brazil, a school at the University of California, in the United States, dedicated to the study of brain mechanisms related to language. “Therefore, it is essential to think about the qualities you admire in charismatic women and ask yourself what prevents you from having them.” Separating the real obstacles from the imaginary ones, it is easier to attack one by one. Next, experts teach you how to decipher the codes of the law of attraction.

1. Develop self-confidence

The first golden rule is to believe in your own power. It sounds easy, but depending on how you were raised, it can mean overcoming some obstacles. “Increasingly, childhood is being studied to understand the effects of the family on the development of self-confidence”, says Leila Tardivo, a professor in the department of clinical psychology at the Institute of Psychology at the University of São Paulo. If you didn’t receive affection and support from your parents and were always told that you weren’t good enough, you run the risk of reaching adulthood believing that you are nothing special. Worse, he thinks he needs to change something in his personality or appearance – be more extroverted, lose weight, wear the brands of the moment – ​​in order to win the admiration of others.

“Those who don’t like themselves cannot be models for anyone”, says psychologist Alexandre Bortoletto, instructor and academic coordinator of the Brazilian Society of Neurolinguistic Programming. These childhood beliefs are just blockages that can be deactivated with the help of good friends or even therapy. To find out how your self-esteem is going, the best way is to take stock of how you see yourself and compare it with the image that others have about your personality and the way you act.

2. Highlight your strengths

Living busy means overcoming a whirlwind of challenges a day. Soaked in routine, you get the impression that you never do enough. Don’t fall for it. Use your strengths anytime – not just when you have time to think about them – because knowing your strengths is like shining a spotlight on yourself. If you are communicative, for example, get involved in social projects, organize activities that benefit others. If organization is your last name, consult your messy friends. “Taking art or theater classes helps you to let go and get in touch with your virtues”, concludes Deborah Epelman.

3. Have something to say

Notice the people who monopolize conversations. They talk about various subjects or dominate an important topic for the surrounding group. For this, there is no other way but to read a lot and keep well informed. It is true that speaking confidently is a skill that can be developed in courses, the kind that teach the most appropriate gestures and the ideal tone of voice to capture the attention of an audience. But you don’t even need that much. If you have a good repertoire, the chances of becoming more interesting than the others are very high. The same happens when the idea is to attract followers on the internet. Those who are not in tune with the news have nothing interesting to pass on.

4. Create the right circle of friends

Let’s say you have a fashion blog but don’t know anyone in the fashion industry. This prevents her from building a foundational network of relationships to help her shine. After all, friends with the same affinity can be your best advisers – and your first unconditional fans! The experts’ orientation is to attend places where their future group is, such as lectures, courses and other events.

5. Show interest

Wanting to know what others think is half the battle to winning their spell. And it’s not about pretending to be interested, but really wanting to discover new realities. In addition to showing that you care about people, this gesture increases your sensitivity to approach them. “A charismatic person is someone who understands someone’s needs, even the most subjective ones – those that cannot be said with words, but are evident in a gesture”, explains social scientist Fátima Motta, partner-director of F&M Consultores and professor at the School Superior of Propaganda and Marketing, in São Paulo, and the Institute of Administration Foundation, of the University of São Paulo. Listening to what friends have to say also means being open to both praise and criticism. Therefore, it is essential to have emotional maturity so as not to be dazzled or lost because of a comment and to develop a good filter to separate what will really add something positive to your life from what is pure envy.

6. Respect your truth

Being authentic is about breaking the rules every now and then and surprising. When the American Jennifer Lawrence went to receive the Oscar for best actress for her performance in the film Silver Linings Playbook, she stumbled on the steps of the theater right in front of the biggest stars of Hollywood and millions of spectators who were watching the transmission, remember? Instead of becoming the fiasco of the night, she became the diva of the year because, full of herself, she was not shaken by the event and even laughed about the situation. Not being straight all the time – and, therefore, stop demanding so much – creates empathy with the public. Admitting a mistake too. “Weaknesses and assumed slips can strengthen your image if you see them in a positive light. This causes an immediate identification with people”, evaluates Alexandre Bortoletto.

7. Be happy now

Cheerful people are magnetic. They don’t wait for an incredible event to smile – they simply live in the now in the best way possible. “The charismatic is so intensely dedicated to his projects that, even when he goes through difficulties, he doesn’t let them get bigger than the passion he feels for his goals”, says Fátima Motta. It doesn’t mean that to be a people magnet you need to always look good. Just try not to consume yourself in moments of stress. Posting bitter hints on Facebook for those who hurt her or spending all her time complaining about her job, her husband, her salary, her body, the planet means that her problems are her biggest focus – and that repels any audience.

8. Thank and reciprocate

Verbally acknowledge someone’s kindnesses, favors, and constructive criticism. And, at the first opportunity, reciprocate with a treat: a candy for the work colleague who broke a branch for you, a kiss for the beautiful surprise that the boyfriend prepared, an affectionate message for the friend who opened his eyes to a defect that could disrupt your relationship.

9. Have balance

“The exaggerated concern with being charismatic is often a sign of low self-esteem”, warns Bortoletto. Those who have an arrogant posture can also suffer from an inferiority complex. In order to master the codes of the law of attraction, it is necessary to find the middle way: only it will lead you to develop your skills in a natural way and to conquer a legion of fans wherever you go.