The 6 stages of heartbreak and how they affect us on a psychological level

Who has not ever suffered a heartbreak or a breakup? When we go through this experience, we go through a series of stages associated with heartbreak, which are similar to those we experience in grief (for the death of a loved one, for example).

However, not all of them always appear, and they do not have to appear in order either. In fact, The most common thing in grief is to go through one of the phases more than once, cyclically, forward, backward… and this is not a sign of pathological grief. Learn about the different stages of heartbreak and how we can experience them.

The 6 stages of heartbreak

According to an article by Horno (2018) for the XII “Blas Taracena del Piñal” Conference, Heartbreak can be considered grief or a destructive emotional bond.. In this article, we have focused on heartbreak as an experience of loss and grief. In grief, we experience a series of stages; in this case, the stages of heartbreak.

According to Velasco et al. (2004), cited in an article by Cáceres et al. (2009), grief is ‘the psychological process of adaptation to a loss, since every loss produces an emotional wound, damage to the organism’. So, To go through this grief and heal, it is advisable to go through a series of phases. We tell you which are the most common.

Denial/shock

Just as it happens when grieving the death of a loved one, The first of the stages of heartbreak is usually the phase of shock or denial. Above all, if we have suffered a breakup in which we are “the left party.”

In the first phase, our mind denies reality (unconsciously) because it hurts too much. Sometimes we even feel like we are in a nightmare from which we would like to wake up.

Awareness and first psychological impact

With the hours, days or weeks, we become increasingly aware of our new reality. That person no longer wants to be in our lives. And we begin to become aware of what has happened to us, and the fact of having to face what is not happening.

It is the phase of the first psychological impact, which It can be accompanied by different emotions: anger, sadness, nostalgia, rage…

Oposite feelings

Another of the stages of heartbreak that we usually experience (which does not have to be third; it can occur more at the beginning of the breakup, for example) is the one that is associated with contradictory feelings. On the one hand, we feel the loss, we miss the other person, we are sad, we have little desire to make plans…

On the other hand, we can feel anger towards that person, as well as relief because the relationship was stormy and we have finally gotten out of it, for example. Contradictory feelings are very common in heartbreakand also in the different types of grief.

It is normal to feel them and we should not be alarmed by experiencing them; With time and progressive acceptance of the loss, they lose intensity until they disappear.

white nights

Sleepless nights are also other stages of heartbreak, although not all people experience this stage. On blank nights we experience insomnia: We wake up at so many hours in the morning (or directly, we can’t fall asleep when we go to bed) and we start thinking about everything.

Unanswered questions appear about the breakup and the relationship in general, and you can feel a lot of anguish. The good news? That, like all stages of heartbreak, These nights will also become more spaced out in time until they disappear..

Recovery

Recovery is one of the stages of heartbreak we experience towards the end of this journey. It is important to differentiate it from the acceptance stage, which we will explain in the next point.

Recovery involves an improvement in physical and mental state. After the sleepless nights, anguish and overwhelming anxiety in many cases, we began to experience physical improvement.

We sleep better, ruminative thoughts are disappearing, we eat better and, ultimately, we begin to feel better. At this stage, we glimpse a small light at the end of the path. However, we have not yet reached the (psychological) acceptance of the loss.

Acceptance

Acceptance is the last of the stages of heartbreak and involves assuming the new reality: accept that things have gone the way they have and that they couldn’t go any other way. It involves stopping feeling that deep sadness and beginning to be aware of everything learned during this painful, but necessary experience.

Acceptance brings peace and calm, as well as gratitude for what has been experienced (although this last emotion does not always appear). In short: acceptance It means leaving the experience behind and feel that we have the necessary energy (and the desire) to focus on the present, on the “here and now”.

The stages of heartbreak involve different emotions that we experience to different degrees. It is important to know that, when faced with a situation of loss (in this case, the loss of a love), it is logical, healthy and adaptive to experience a grieving process.

Fortunately, Over time (and psychological therapy in some cases), emotions lose intensitywe accept loss and integrate it as part of our life story.

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