The 6 most frequent fears in children (and how to work on fears in children)

What is fear? fear is an answer absolutely normalwhich occurs in both children and adults, and which usually appears before certain situations, people and objects that can be real or imaginary dangerous for the person

The fear then acts as a warning signal that allows to the kid take certain precautions to avoid facing that potential danger.

The fear can manifest with physiological reactions such as tremors, rapid heartbeat, stuttering, or flushing and with psychological responses such as anxiety, negative ideas, feelings that can lead to panic, etc.

Why are children so afraid?

When we talk about children’s fear, we usually do it in the plural.that is, childhood fears.

This is the case because there are a number of situations, generally known and repeated, through which all children must pass, such as contact with strangers, separation from the mother, school, visits to the doctor, the loss of a relative, among others.

The vulnerability of the child will only increase their insecurities and fears generating a series of very common fears.

Therefore, these fears haveIn fact, an adaptive function, since they help the child to be more forewarned and seek support through them of the people around them: parents, relatives, teachers, etc. to help them understand this new reality and contain their anxieties.

On the other hand, fantasy is a powerful tool in childhood. and, sometimes, it also plays tricks on the minds of the little ones, recreating imaginary situations or characters that end up frightening them as much or more than the reality in which they live.

That is why there are children who are frightened by noise, a storm or the darkness of their room, since, in their imagination, they experience these stimuli as something threatening and run to seek the protection of their parents.

They must understand this type of fear as a normal, and even healthy, evolutionary reaction that is part of the learning process and that it will disappear after a whilewhen the child becomes familiar with this new situation.

In this process parents must act without being too alarmed, offering them love and understanding.

In this video, Sergi Torres talks to us about what hides the emotion of feeling fear

The most frequent fears in children

The “catalog” of childhood fears evolves with the age and maturation of children. Between the most common fears in childhood can be highlighted:

1. Fear of strangers

Around the age of seven months, children begin to distinguish people who are part of their usual environment from strangers. and it is normal that if before they let themselves be caught by anyone, now they cling to the arms of familiar figures before the arrival of these new people.

It should also be taken into account that this fear increases if the child is in a novel situationfor example, if a babysitter you don’t know appears when you wake up and the parents are not present.

For this reason, it is convenient that between seven months and a year a progressive introduction of these new people in the presence of parents.

2. Fear of the dark

about two years It is common for children to show fear of the dark: they turn on the lights in the house to move around it, they don’t want to be left in the dark and keep their parents by their side…

These kinds of fears it has to do with fantasies of the children who usually imagine the appearance of the “evil” characters that appear in stories and movies: witches, monsters, thieves…

They are also associated with possible nightmares that they have had have scared them. Then they generalize this fear to waking life.

it suits distinguish in these cases nightmares of night terrors.

The first are terrifying dreams that make them wake up with fear but that they remember perfectly and the appearance of their parents usually calms them down immediately.Night terrors are sudden startles that occur while sleeping and they make them wake up disconsolate, with crying spells and a feeling of confusion, since, in general, they are not associated with a dream and are more difficult to soothe.

these fears They tend to disappear spontaneously around 8-9 years of age. and parents can help them by staying with them for a while while they fall asleep or leaving a small indirect light that makes them feel more secure.

3. Fear of noise

Fruit of your imagination between two and three yearsmany children start to get scared when there is a storm, firecrackers explode or rockets explode at fireworks and, by extension, before any loud and unexpected noise associated with major catastrophes and they fear that it may affect them and their loved ones.

In these cases should not, as some parents mistakenly think, expose children to a storm or take them to see fireworks so that they understand that nothing happens.

as the origin of this fear is irrational, acting in this way only increases their fear and that they are scared simply by seeing the cloudy sky.

It is preferable to talk to them, contain their fears and explain that all these noises are the result of nature or the product of a party, assuring them that nothing will happen to us so that little by little they calm down.

4. Fear of animals

around three years Some children who used to calmly walk up to a dog and play with it begin to panic when they come across a dog or cat at a friend’s house.

It is a normal reaction resulting from its maturation, since they are becoming aware that an unknown animal can have an aggressive reaction or it can also be due to some bad experience that has scared them.

In these cases It is important to get close to familiar animals holding the children’s hand, reassuring them and showing them that if the owner gives us permission it is because the animal is harmless.

5. Fear of school

The school It is the first place through which an important separation of the family nucleus occurs; once incorporated, the child will spend hours separated from her parents and will meet other children and unknown adults.

We must distinguish, however, an anxiety or an adaptive fear when it comes to the first days of classespecially at very early ages and which is usually temporary, so a real fear of going to class that It can be caused by a bad experience.: teasing of children, socialization difficulties, learning problems, etc. and that it will occur at older ages.

If this second case occurs it is necessary to speak with the child’s guardians to analyze what may be happening and plan the ideal strategy for each particular case, and this must be done as soon as possible so that the problem does not become chronic and becomes invalidating for the integration of the child in the school environment and in their learning.

6. Fear of not liking

With the entry into puberty, the importance of relationship with the group and relationships with boys/girls of the other sex. All this makes the physical aspect be very relevant to them.

Therefore, certain fears and complexes of not likingto be too fat or too thin, to have acne or, also, fear of one’s own insecurity, not knowing how to relate.

Adolescence is a complex stage and to prevent the appearance of all these fears Parents must educate their children throughout their childhood in self-esteem and self-confidence.

In any case, if they arise we must show understanding with them, give them the importance they have and relativize them so they don’t get worse.

Fears vary throughout childhood and adolescence. Overcoming each of them fosters confidence and self-confidence.

How to work fears in children

Although childhood fears are normal, parents can prevent or minimize its incidence.

Some situationssuch as the death of a relative, the separation of parents, the change of house or school can cause fear in children. it is accurate that parents tell their children about these changes in advance to facilitate its adaptation.

Television scenes, certain characters from children’s literature or movies can generate unnecessary fear. Thus It is convenient for parents to supervise the contents what your children read or watch and not use as a means of punishment the threat of characters like the coconut, the witch, the wolf…

The first step in helping the child is to respect him and understand what is going wrong.

It is not convenient to label him as “fearful” or ridicule him or minimize his fearsbut to tell him that he is not the only one and that he will be able to overcome it. Do not exaggerate the small fears and explain to the child that many other children also have them.

Be tolerant and understanding and do not compare him with his brothers or saying “your brother is braver”, “don’t you dare, like him”, etc.; but avoid being too overprotective so that the little ones can gain confidence and security in themselves, and reward any progress to do in his fight against fears.

Contain your restlessness and let him talk about what scares him: We must know that even if we explain to him the impossibility of a monster appearing, for example, he will not attend to our logic, although our words will comfort him.

exist books and stories dedicated to these fears which can be of great help.

When fears go further: does my child have a phobia?

Childhood fears gradually disappear. But if these increase or even paralyze the child, it is probably a phobia.

If childhood fears do not disappear after 8 years and the child experiences them as a real threat that paralyzes or inhibits him totally we can easily be before a phobia.

Faced with the phobic object or situation, children, like adults, tend to deploy avoidance strategies to avoid approaching what is fearedmaking various excuses. The level of incapacitation caused by your fear will indicate the severity of the phobia.

Any of the situations discussed can lead to a phobia, but the most common at these ages is usually school phobia and that can be caused by multiple factors: lack of socialization, fear of failure, overdemandetc.

In these cases children trigger physical discomfort such as vomiting, stomach pains, fever … that serve as a reason to stop going to class. Faced with a possible phobia The best thing to do is see a child psychologist. to make a diagnosis and propose the most appropriate therapy.

The techniques The most suitable for these cases are the cognitivewhich teach the child to change his way of thinking in front of the feared objects, and the psychodynamics that work the unconscious motives that may be found behind that phobia. both techniques can be complemented with other therapiesLike Bach flower remedies.