7 common conflicts between parents and adolescent children (and how to deal with these situations)

Adolescence is a critical stage in life that affects both the adolescent himself and his entire family. because it is a time of great psychological changes that will mean the transition from childhood to adulthood.

All this implies that during a series of years the adolescent will have to test new forms of behavior in order to establish a definitive personality. in these scores He will present changes in character, mood and relationship that will make contact with him difficult at times.

In order to live these years well, parents must be aware of the tensions that are waged within adolescents and understand that, despite all the difficulties, adolescence is a very enriching stage for parents and children and in which everyone must rearrange their roles to come out of it much more mature.

The main problem of adolescents is to configure a new identity, which makes them gradually lose self-confidence and feel somewhat lost wondering who they are, what they want and what they are going to do In the near future. All this makes them end up being strangers to themselves and to those around them.

Conflicts between parents and children in adolescence

Adolescence goes through different stages that involve changes at the physical, intellectual, psychological level and socio-family relationships.

Puberty usually occurs between 8 and 12 yearsand is marked by a series of hormonal changes which in turn entail important changes in physical appearance. Is he first moment of crisis linked above all to its new appearancewhich means that the comments of the parents should never be tinged with irony or mockery so that they do not appear complex about their physique. The second stage usually reaches up to 15-16 years and it is in which they occur further psychological changes. They become more and more detached from their parents and seek the company of a group of friends, they become less communicative in the family, they are very self-centered, which makes them seem very self-centered, and they need much more privacy. It is the most critical and most confrontational moment with parents, as well as where there are more risks, because they believe they are absolutely self-sufficient when, on the contrary, they are very vulnerable to environmental influences. Parents must respect that privacy who claim but be very vigilant in any dangerous situation.The third and final stage comes up to 18-19 years and it’s usually something quieter, since they can think more about others, their body has acquired a more defined shape and they have greater self-confidence, the group of friends has consolidated and they are more clear about their future at the level of studies or work. Parents should be more attentive to the issue of schedules and establish some more or less flexible rules depending on the evolution of the boys.

The most normal conflicts between parents and adolescents throughout adolescence usually revolve around:

1. Constant rebellion against parents

Something common in these years is the rebellion against family authority. Respect for parents and the value they previously gave to their opinions will be constantly called into question.

This confrontation is part of the normal development of the adolescent, but that does not mean that parents do not continue to be an important reference point for them, even though they are often unable to recognize it.

This means that no matter how many tensions there are parents should never be tempted to resign as parents, since their children continue to need them and they must know that, whatever happens, they will continue to have them by their side.

For this reason, many times they will continue to ask for pampering as children and the parents they must be able to get out of a lot of their anger to offer that affection.

The adolescent’s day-to-day is tinged with small challenges towards their parents that must be seen as an attempt to gain their autonomy and become independent from the family.

2. The mess in the room

Disorder is part of the adolescent personality, both externally and internally. If we could go inside, we would see a hive of ideas and problems as chaotic as his room, no matter how organized they were as children.

Sermons rarely produce effect let alone a change in attitude, because even if one day they rearrange the room from top to bottom, it is likely that the next day or in a few hours it will be upside down again.

If parents listen to other parents, they may get relativize the problem. Although the disorder in her room bothers us, it is better not be excessively intolerantbecause in this way they themselves they will turn it into a reason for rebellion.

It is preferable:

Remember that punishments are useless and that it is better help him and try to do the cleaning together from time to time, thanking him for small efforts on his own.Inculcate order as a mode of cooperation in family life more than as a matter of blind discipline. Trying not to see what is happening inside your room would perhaps be a good solution, but it is normal that one day we can do it and another not; so We shouldn’t worry too much if at some point he loses his cool.

3. Time to go home

When you think about the time when a young man has to return home, In addition to the criteria of each family, one must be realistic and recognize that today boys and girls have different going out habits than in previous times, which should not lead to neither to an excessive limitation nor to an absolute pasotismosince they also appreciate, deep down, having limits.

For all this it is convenient:

Show them trust, keep an eye on how they come back home habitually and rather promote a understanding and dialogue attitude than a repressive and blaming posture.Agree on the return time based on their age and what they are going to do that night.Get to know your friends and the environment in which you move It will help you get to know them better and avoid thinking about unnecessary dangers.Teach them the need to notify if they are going to be delayed more than necessary due to some setback or if they believe it is necessary, and that this will not automatically lead to a refusal on our part.If risk indicators appear like they get home badly, drunk or dizzy or that every night they go out they skip the schedule, they will have to put more restrictions, but always dialoguing and offering them alternatives.

4. Tobacco, alcohol and other drugs

Although in most institutes this issue is widely addressed in a preventive manner, it is true that a large number of adolescents smoke their first cigarette between the ages of eleven and fourteen and that many of them will try the first joint of marijuana and they will drink the first beer between fourteen and sixteen.

All this shows that it is a real danger and that parents should have tools to treat it as a family in the most convenient and least alarmist way possible.

Some tips that can be of great help are:

Talk candidly about all drug related issues (tobacco, alcohol and others), explaining the detrimental effects generated by each one, such as dependency, lack of concentration, problems with colleagues, etc., even mentioning some personal or close experience.Lead by examplesmoking as little as possible in front of them, drinking moderately and not boasting about how much fun we ever had, if it were the case, under the influence of some psychoactive substance.meet friends that our son frequents, observing if he keeps his usual companions or if he changes his friendships, how are they, trying to invite them home, etc. It is also convenient to know to the parents of his friends and talk to them so we can have some mutual control and help.Be aware of what you do in leisure time since it is when they are in greatest danger, establishing, in turn, clear schedules to return home when they begin to go out and monitor the state in which they arrive.Maintain contact with your tutor and teachers to be up to date on their school life: possible absenteeism, unjustified performance changes, etc.

5. The first sexual encounters

young people want experiment with your own body and that of your partneroften mixing exploration, fantasies, falling in love and simple sexual discharge.

The most common practices are: masturbation, caresses and touching, and full sexual intercourse.

Parents must give a character of total normality to the sexuality of their adolescent childrenbe sincere in conversations and not make it a taboo, inform of all risks, both health and pregnancy, but also talk about the emotional aspects that accompany this experience and the importance of respecting and being respected by other people.

6. The lack of communication from children to parents

Parents and children have many common interests, so taking care of communication can avoid numerous misunderstandings.

One of the great difficulties that parents find in their children’s adolescence is the lack of dialogue and communication. Many boys who told their parents everything during their childhood now they fall into total silence and reserve.

Despite this difficulty, when talking to a teenager it is worth keeping in mind some points:

It is very important to have talked to them throughout their childhood, since now is the worst time to start if there has not been too much communication before. Know respect some privacy and accept that certain topics will be discussed more easily with their friends than with us.Never ridicule the ideas and projects that they expose, however absurd they may seem to us; It is preferable to talk so that they do not feel offended and stop telling other things.Reason the reasons for which we do not let them do something or for which we show our anger, rather than resorting to the typical “because I said so” or “because I am your father”. It is not convenient to continuously adopt an inquisitive attitude towards them; one has to show interest in what they do but without turning every talk into an interrogation.Understand that they are going through a difficult time and adopt an empathic attitude that allows us to put ourselves in their place to better understand what they feel. Since it is so difficult for them to talk to us, when they want to do so, we have to be open and receptive, with an attitude of listening towards the topic they want to talk about and not try to take advantage of the occasion to ask them about other issues that interest us

7. Tattoos or piercings

In recent years, tattoos and piercings have become fashionable and many young people have taken them as a important part of their identification with respect to a groupor simply for many others it has become another fashion accessory.

The question, therefore, must be posed in each particular case.. For some people, tattoos or piercings can become an obsession that turns their skin into a parchment drawn or pierced.

It is not frequent that this case occurs and it has nothing to do with the demand further…