6 keys to stop avoiding conflicts

Most people do not like conflicts, as they associate them with negative experiences, arguments, deception, resentment, humiliation, etc. However, if we analyze it carefully, The problem is not the conflict itself, but the way the people involved respond to it.

Basically, a conflict is a confrontation between opposites. It occurs in a situation in which two or more people with different interests come into confrontation. The discomfort of conflicts does not emerge from their tension, but rather from the idea we have about what the other should do or be in relation to our claims.

In this context, many people avoid facing conflicts due to fear or anxiety of getting involved in uncomfortable situations. Others try to avoid them because they feel insecure or unable to reaffirm who they are and their interests. Many others escape because they feel inferior or have had unpleasant experiences when entering into a confrontation.

Regardless of the reason why a person avoids conflict, the truth is that not facing them does not make them disappear, much less resolve them, in fact, they may even make them worse. This avoidance, in addition to not fixing anything, prevents people from continuing to grow, Because to do so, adversity and conflict are necessary.

So what can you do to stop avoiding conflict and prevent it from further affecting personal growth? Here we tell you.

Avoiding conflict generates discomfort and frustration.

1. Open yourself to conflict, don’t close yourself off

To stop avoiding conflict, open yourself to them. Openness to conflict occurs when the person refuses to consider other points of view. Opening up means not staying inside the protective bubble with your eyes closed. Opening is removing the bandages, peering into the bubble and observing what is happening. Ask yourself:

What is the conflict? How did it start and what is maintaining it? What am I trying to avoid? What is my attitude towards what I am experiencing?

The purpose of your questioning is so that you can observe and open yourself to the conflict. The very act of observing and describing is already a first step for you to begin to open up and to begin to get closer to the problem and its solution.

2. Connect with the conflict

Once you open yourself to conflict, you need to bond with it. To stop avoiding it, you need to connect to all the unpleasant sensations it generates in you, to the discomfort that it causes you, to the fear, to the anguish, to the fear and to the discomfort that it causes. Look at it again and feel it without putting up unnecessary resistance that may aggravate it further.

What emotion am I feeling? How does my body react to the conflict? What thoughts cross my mind when I am aware of the conflict? What does this conflict demand of me?

It is not easy to open up and connect with conflicts, but they are two necessary keys to stop avoiding them. If you notice, both strategies are opposite to evasion, By opening yourself you allow yourself to be with the conflict, you don’t run away, and by connecting you get closer to it.

3. Face your insecurities and fears

After opening up and connecting, identify obstacles in your path of growth in the midst of conflict. Insecurity, anxiety, fear of abandonment, dependency and feelings of inferiority are some of the reasons that can lead you to avoid conflict. If you can’t recognize your insecurities or don’t know how to deal with them, you can seek the help of a psychologist.

Facing your fears does not mean that you start another conflict, it is not about fighting against yourself, but to recognize your weaknesses and look for constructive alternatives that allow you to reach a solution to the conflict.

4. Express your interests assertively

Before expressing yourself and speaking, it is important that you know how to listen (openness) to the ideas and interests of the other party, then State your point of view using assertive communication. This way, the other person will know that you want to know their interests and that you are willing to talk without resorting to discussions that make the conflict worse.

By expressing your interests you are asserting your rights and you are showing others and yourself that what you want, feel and think is valuable. A little self-love won’t hurt you and defending your interests is not a waste of time.

Stopping avoiding conflict influences dignity and self-esteem.

5. Don’t be too self-demanding

To stop avoiding conflicts, remember that you don’t have to know how to solve them. Sometimes, self-demands and ideas of perfection can lead you to avoid confrontation when it goes against your idealizations. If you have the belief that conflict is negative in itself, that nothing can come of it, then it is normal that you tend to avoid it.

Do not be afraid of making mistakes and failing when confronting your interests with another person, since these tensions will help you know what you should improve to continue getting closer to your goals.. Failures are a source of learning if you know how to listen to their teachings.

6. Don’t think that confrontation is wrong

Defending your interests is neither good nor bad, as long as you do it assertively.. To stop avoiding conflicts, it is essential that you stop thinking that confronting your ideas with those of others is wrong.

Opposing others, because you are not in favor of their point of view, is not wrong. You must be clear that whenever you enter into conflict You must seek constructive solutions and generate assertive dialogues so that you feel more secure in your communication.

Finally, stopping avoiding conflict means facing, with compassion and acceptance, those ingrained patterns of relating and facing adversity. Learning to cope with them is necessary for building a fulfilled life.

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