The 4 pillars of positive relationships

How would you define an enriching relationship? Is not difficult. The one in which you find reasons to laugh and get excited every day. The one that is not based on distrust, jealousy or ultimatums all or nothing. An enriching relationship is a pact between two people where both win and no one loses.

Learning to maintain a stable, happy and committed relationship does not require great sacrifices or having to study enormous volumes on psychology. Sometimes, simple common sense helps us a lot, and above allthe sincere desire to take care of those we love. Because loving is not offering suffering, we must leave behind that famous phrase of “whoever loves you well will make you suffer.” Not at all, positive relationships are a tribute to respect and enthusiasm.

Do you want to know what pillars support them?

1. A healthy attachment

Surely you associate the word attachment with the relationship that children establish with their family. They are those bonds of love and affection essential for a person grows with security and confidence. At the couple level it is very similar, we all need establish a needed attachment with the person we love. But be careful, not all attachments are healthy for building authentic, enriching relationships.

Attachment based on trust: here the couple is built on the essential substrate of mutual trust. Two mature and self-confident people who do not have to harbor continuous doubts about the other person. There is no constant fear of being deceived, betrayed or abandoned.Anxious relationships. What are they based on? You can already sense it, in the continuous concern to be hurt, to question the other person’s love at every moment. We become obsessed, we want continuous tests and, what is worse, we develop desires to control our partner.Distant attachment: It would be the polar opposite of these dimensions. Indifference, complete lack of concern and little need to show affection for the other person.

2. Satisfaction of basic needs

There are essential dimensions that define enriching relationships, such as being respected and understood by our partner. Receiving support when we need it, a right word when we fall into worry, that hug that heals everything, that look that explains everything.

People have needs, and at the couple’s level it is essential to perceive that some of them are fully satisfied. Because building a couple is defining a common project where all efforts are worth it, where we stand as a good team capable of understanding and getting excited on a day-to-day basis. I’m sure you agree.

3. Ability to solve problems

Let’s delve a little into those essential factors that define whether we can solve any problemat the couple level:

Ability to understand. Empathy. Adequate communication capacity. Do not focus only on the positive aspects. Ability to propose ideas and not only point out defects. Sense of humor. That spark that relativizes every situation and, at the same time, makes things easier.

4. Ability to repair after breaking

We may not be able to understand the concept with the simple statement. But to understand it, let’s think for a moment about all those occasions when we have done something wrong. In which we, or our partner, have made a mistake that has hurt us.

Positive relationships admit that there may be errors, failures or oversights. It is normal. But now, we also hope that you have that indispensable capacity to know how to re-construct, re-enable, recognize the error and use all means to repair what happened.

Making a mistake is a great opportunity for learning and knowledge.to know which pieces turn on the engine of our relationship to know how to feed it.

If there is no will to “repair” there is no authentic commitment, it is letting pride eat away at us inside to establish a clear distance with the other person. If you really love someone, you will use all your means and abilities to “heal”, to take better care of them. that precious asset like your partner.

We’re sure you feel the same.

Image: Movie “Begin Again” (2013)